Well, looky here! AWW has decided to continue her parody! =D
DISCLAIMER (Take it away, kitties!)
Hawkfrost: Good evening. Vy don't you step into my parlor?
Mapleshade: Hawkfrost...
Hawkfrost: Pardon me. AVarriorsVounds owns nothing.
Mapleshade: Except for the Mary Sue parody-characters.
Our story begins with all four Clans at a typical Gathering.
Hawkfrost: *to group of she-cat apprentices* I vant to suck your blood!
Typical, indeed.
Tawnypelt: I don't suppose it's just a coincidence that he's going after the she-cats.
Heavystep: Nope.
Tawnypelt: You're alive again?
Heavystep: I know! Except for an insatiable brainlust, I feel great!
Everyone: *backs away slowly*
Dragonscales: I understand your differences, because I'm so beautiful I'm an outcast. See my glimmering rainbow eyes and my gorgeous coat that gleams like diamonds in the moonlight? Aren't I, well, beautiful?
Heavystep: Can I kill her?
Everyone: Go ahead.
Hawkfrost: I call her blood!
Brambleclaw: Didn't I stake you in one book?
Hawkfrost: ...no...
Brambleclaw: *chipperly* Okay, then! *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.
Squirrelflight: Baby, come back! You can blame it all on me!
Brambleclaw: I already do.
The medicine cats and the leaders seem to have kept some of their sanity.
Mistystar: *pounces on Firestar* The force of MistyXFire shippers compels you!
Jayfeather: I am so glad I can't see what just happened.
Reedwhisker: Mom?
o_0 I'm sorry you had to see that. Let's move on to the Dysfunction Junction...quickly.
Crowfeather: Leafpool, I love you!
Nightcloud: You're supposed to love me!
Leafpool: I love you too, Crowfeather!
Nightcloud: How much did you pay for her, five mousetails?
Leafpool: Oh no you di'int! *springs at Nightcloud*
Crowfeather: 8D
Jayfeather: Daddy, I have issues. Hold me!
Breezepelt: No, hold me!
Lionblaze: Cinderheart, hold me! *clings to Cinderheart's back legs*
Cinderheart: Get off of me, perv.
Lionblaze: Fine! I'll just dream about killing you in a graphic way!
Okay, then. Shall we see if a zombie elder and a vampire have managed to subdue a Mary Sue yet?
Hawkfrost and Heavystep: *burp*
Hawkfrost: Oh, Narrator...
Heh, I'll just...be over here. Heh. Heh. Oh look, Lionblaze is still trying to put the moves on the ladayz!
Lionblaze: 'Ay, Cinderheart.
Cinderheart: Lionblaze, we're ov-
Hollyleaf: I HAVE RETURNED. *dramatic music*
WTF?
Hollyleaf: What does that mean?
Uh, it means "Welcome to the forest." Heh. Heh.
Hollyleaf: Oh, well, thank you!
Hawkfrost: Oo, a new victim.
Tawnypelt: It's not your blood he wants.
She-cat apprentices: *huddling and shivering in a circle of garlic* Trust us, we would know.
Hawkfrost: So vat if my fighting technique involves getting on top of a cat and staying there for avile?
Hollyleaf: Back off, I've got Sol.
HollyXSol shippers: OMG OMG OMG...
*silence*
Lionblaze: CINDERHEART WHYYYYY...
Hollyleaf: Okay, I'm leaving. Sol!
Sol: Yes, my queen?
HollyXSol shippers: Squee! *faint*
Hollyleaf: We're leaving.
Sol: But I thought you wanted to kill ev-
Hollyleaf: *hurries out of Gathering, Sol in tow*
Hawkfrost: Blast. * eyes apprentices, still cowering in circle of garlic* Oh vell.
Apprentices: You don't want to mess with us 'cause we've got StarClan on our necklaces.
Hawkfrost: Vat the Dark Forest is a necklace?
Apprentices: WE ARE WHO WE ARE!
Hawkfrost: *backs away slowly*
Back at the Dysfunction Junction...
Jayfeather: *is sprawled on Crowfeather's back* I love you, Daddy!
Breezepelt: * is snuggled beside Crowfeather* No, I love you more, Daddy!
Crowfeather: o_e *glares at Nightcloud and Leafpool, who are sitting happily beside each other* Help.
Leafpool: Aw, family bonding.
Nightcloud: How sweet!
Crowfeather: *twitch twitch*
Dr. Phil: So tell me about your family issues.
Crowfeather: What the Dark Forest? Who are you?
Dr. Phil: *melting into a vaguely catlike shape* A figment of your imagination. *morphs into Dragonscales*
Everyone: o_0
Hawkfrost and Heavystep: Didn't we kill you?
Dragonscales: Mary Sues never die. They only come back- with friends. *Poof*
Mysterious black she-cat with purple eyes: Helllooo.
Tawnypelt: We are so screwed. *to Hawkfrost* YOU brought this plague upon us!
Hawkfrost: *ducks behind Heavystep* He helped.
Heavystep: Fine, you can kill me as many times as you want. I'll keep coming back.
Tawnypelt: ...how...?
Heavystep: *points to sky*
Tawnypelt: The narrator...? Wait, why is there a Twoleg at our Gathering?
Oh *bleep*. *Runs*
Heavystep: No, Erin Hunter.
Tawnypelt: ...
Heavystep: Never mind.
Let's see how Dr. Phil is faring with our Dysfunction Junction... Wait, is that Tawnypelt? WHERE'D SHE GET A SHOTGUN?
Crowfeather: I- I never knew my daddy! *wails* It makes me want to hit other cats! *smacks Breezepelt*
Dr. Phil: Uhh, may I suggest going on 'Maury'...?
Crowfeather, Breezepelt, and Jayfeather: *wail incessantly*
Nightcloud: ... *to Leafpool* Wanna go ruin another tom's life?
Leafpool: =D
Nightcloud: Hey, Rowanclaw...
It seems like Lionblaze just won't take 'no' for an answer.
Lionblaze: Please?
Cinderheart: No.
Lionblaze: Please?
Cinderheart: Tawnypelt, are you done with that shotgun?
Lionblaze: I bathed in the blood of my enemies for you! I nearly killed full-grown fox in its own nest for you! WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?
Cinderheart: 0.0 Maybe if I climb a tree, you won't be able to reach me.
PWND.
I wonder where Mistystar took Firestar...oh no.
Reedwhisker: Yay, I'm getting more siblings! 8D
Brambleclaw: o,0 *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.
Squirrelflight: Fine! You're not worth it anyway! *goes to saw down tree that has 'SquirrelXBramble xoxo' carved into it*
Tigerstar: *leaned against tree wearing a trench coat* Wanna get some training?
Squirrelflight: STRANGER DANGER!
She-cat apprentices: *patting bare dirt within the garlic circle* Feel free to join us.
Squirrelflight: *squeezes in* Yay, I feel special! =D
Hawkfrost: You only have so much garlic.
She-cat apprentices and Squirrelflight: *huddle closer together and shiver*
Oh look, Cinderheart climbed a tree.
Cinderheart: o.e *to Lionblaze* Go...away...
Lionblaze: *clinging to lowest branch with a terrified look on his face* SEE? I climbed a tree for you! That's proof of my devotion!
Cinderheart: You want to know how you can really prove your...obsession...to me?
Lionblaze: How, my love?
Cinderheart: Jump off a cliff.
Lionblaze: Okay!
Cinderheart: And die.
Lionblaze: Anything for you. *hurtles off conveniently placed cliff in the distance* Wheee! *splat*
Cinderheart: Whew. *climbs down from tree*
Lionblaze: Well, I didn't exactly die...
Cinderheart: Why me? :'(
Hehehe...Er, sorry, Cinderheart. Shall we see if Hawkfrost is having better luck with the ladayz than Lionblaze is?
Hawkfrost: Tick, tock, tick, tock. *holds up mouse* Aren't you getting hungry?
She-cat apprentices: We ate before we left, genius.
Hawkfrost: Vell, then. Mind if I stay her avile?
She-cat apprentices: Yes.
Hawkfrost: Too bad. Lovely night, isn't it?
She-cat apprentices and Squirrelflight: Which one of us are we gonna sacrifice?
Hawkfrost: I could stay here forever.
She-cats and Squirrelflight: Pinepaw, you've been kicked off the island.
Pinepaw: Oh s***.
Hawkfrost: *snatches Pinepaw* Muahahaha!
Squirrelflight: PWND.
Hey, look, Blackstar is standing all authoritative-like!
Blackstar: Cats of all Clans!
Everyone: *shuts up*
Blackstar: Due to numerous disappearances, we have decided to end this Gathering.
Hawkfrost: But the fun vas just beginning. *reluctantly releases Pinepaw*
Onestar: ...Well, there's one cat accounted for. Has anyone seen Firestar or Mistystar?
Jayfeather: I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, YOU-
Onestar: Besides Jayfeather?
Blackstar: I think he pulled a Tiger Woods and hooked up with Mistystar.
Onestar: Case closed. Let's go get some cookies.
...When I return from hiatus, I really return from hiatus, huh? LOL...
Hawkfrost: That made no sense vatsoever.
Me: Shut up, Hawkfrost. Thanks for reading, people! :)
