Life sucks ass. Believe it.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Right to your face. Don't believe them.

And all that crap about life giving you lemons? Also a big. Fat. Lie.

Fact.

Because lemons suck ass just as badly as life does. And lemons are also really...really gross and incredibly disgusting.

Ramen on the other hand... That stuff's the shit. Seriously. And I'm not just saying that because I live my life along the poverty line and most days Ramen is about all I can afford to eat. But earning minimum wage slaving for the man at Target does have it's advantages. The gig may not be all that glamorous, the the perks are pretty decent.

Like the 10 percent employee discount. Which...in fact...makes Ramen all the more affordable.

Thank you, Target.

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah...Ramen. Too few people really stop to appreciate the true culinary range of this meal. Believe it. Because Ramen...is not simply 'Ramen', you know? I mean...it can be. If you're really boring. But if you take the time to properly prepare said dish, and use a little bit of creativity in adding canned peas and hot sauce, Ramen can move from a meal that is delicious to one that is also nutritious.

Sort of...

Now... from my views on life and it's level of suckage...you might be tempted to assume that I'm a bit of a pessimist. A Debbie Downer. Negative Nancy.

But you.

Don't.

Know.

Me.

So assume nothing. Because you know what they say about assuming. And if you don't? I'll spell it out for you. Because to assume anything makes an ass out of you and me.

The truth? The truth of the matter is both complicated and very...very simple. In my lifetime of twenty years, I have been through way too much. Have seen and experienced so much pain and sorrow that it's impossible for me to view the world through rose colored lenses.

Fact.

It is because I have endured so much in this life...that I simply refuse to let it get me down. Count on it. And it is, my friends, truly as simple as that. I just don't have the time for that type of negativity in my life right now.

I leave that shit to my roommates.

Emo Boy of Walmart and Goth Man of the Craigslist.

And me?

Who am I?

Prankster.

King of dumbassery.

Village idiot.

The punchline to every bad joke.

Perpetual optimist.

Lover of Ramen.

Glorified Target cashier.

The number one hyperactive knucklehead ninja wannabe.

The name's Uzumaki, bitches.

Naruto Uzumaki.

And this is my story.

Believe it.