AN// Okay this is my first attempt at both a Primeval fanfic and a parody. Short because I'm not sure whether or not to continue. I am taking a break on my Twilight fanfic because I'm not really interested in Twilight right now because series three of Primeval is on.

Anyway this starts when Connor moves into one of Lester's houses. Some OOC but then again that's what happens in a parody.

"Bada-boomba!" I yelled as I flung the door to my new temporary home open. I marched in followed by an exasperated Lester.

"This place is epic wiiiin!"

Lester glared at me which stopped me singing fastly ('tis a word in The Dictionary of Connor). He stared at me with his hands on his hips. I even noticed his eye twitch once or twice. I cowered beneath his gaze. Boy, he could be scary sometimes!

"Okay," he said, snapping out of his Terminator trance. I almost collapsed in relief. I would live another day! Mentally boogying inside my head I grinned at him, blinking.

"Okay," he said.

I burst out laughing. "You've said that already! PWNED!"

Another Terminator glare which left me on my hands and knees begging for mercy and a Crème Egg McFlurry.

He gave me mercy but not a McFlurry. *sad face*

He reached inside his suit and pulled out a looooooooong piece of paper. I hoped it wasn't this grocery list.

"Rule number one," he said. Uno I mentally corrected myself. "Do not leave tulips on the front window sill as they will attract the bisexual window cleaner who keeps giving me funny looks at bingo." I nodded. Note to self: Don't attract pervy, gay window cleaner.

"Rule number two." How hard was it to say 'dos'? "If you plan to write a novel remember, paragraphs are your friend." Ah, such wisdom.

"Rule number three." I was beginning to think that I would need to put on a flamenco dress and start snapping castanets in his face/ "Showers may only last 7 minutes and forty-two seconds." Woohoo! An extra six minutes and forty-one seconds than usual!

"Rule number four." This was going to take a while. I sat down on the couch and hugged a teddy that was lying there. "No teddy hugging," Lester said. I put the teddy back.

By rule 649 I had woken up and fallen asleep seven times.

"And the final rule, number 650: Do not touch the-" he was interrupted by his pager bleeping. "I have to go," he said. "I have a...er...meeting..." He began to walk away.

"You're going to watch Hannah Montana, aren't you?" I guessed.

He turned around and stared at me. "How do you know?" he demanded, completely flabbergasted.

"Just do."

"Don't tell anyone."

"That'll come at a price."

"How much do you want?" He began fumbling for his wallet.

"Just a hug."

"I'm not hugging you!"

"I have Abby's number on speed-dial."

He hugged me.

"Now sing and dance to 'Best of Both Worlds.'" I ordered.

"No way!"

"I know Danny's number off by heart."

He started pirouetting around the room singing.

I giggled. "Just kidding. That makes you look silly."

He stopped abruptly and straightened his tie. "Goodbye Connor."

"Bye-bye Lester!" I replied, waving.

He walked away. I watched him go to his car and then my stomach grumbled. "I'm going to make some toast!" I yelled out the window to him.

Then he screamed and burst back through the front door. He ran to the kitchen, scooping up something silver and clutching it to his chest.

"DO NOT TOUCH MY STAINLESS STEEL TOASTER!!!" he screeched.

Then he fled.

I shrugged, sat down, turned on the TV and began watching iCarly.

Thinking back, maybe 'Do not touch the stainless steel toaster' was rule number 650.

Geez!