Disclaimer: I am Not the Author of any of the stories I write about and there for Do Not Own any rights to any of the Orginial Stories and/or Characters.
A fool boasts of those who fear him; a wise man's pride is those who respect him.
We all play this one even if we don't want to consider it as such. Fool's only play games with Love. So are we all fools? Out to get what we desire. Affection without loss, receiving without giving any of ourselves in return. I'm sure you have heard the statement that human's are selfish creatures by nature. You don't act with the thought of abusing and using your fellow man but so tragically that's what you get in the end when we all are out to protect ourselves from heartache.
That's it. That's probably as poetic I'll get so take it or leave it. Of course I know millions on billions on trillions of quotes. But that's just it the words and meanings are not mine they are of much more famous and mostly dead writers which I would be just reciting and I am not here to give you a poetry lesson I am here to tell you of life after I left.
Sitting in first class with my elbows on my knees, my hand balled up in fist and holding that fist at my lips trying to push the scream I was going to let out back as best as I can. When my hands aren't holding back my mental dialog from turning into verbal dialog they where racking thru my black as midnight hair.
'What am I doing here?' 'This isn't how it's suppose to be! She -... Don't go there Oliver don't go there.' 'This(Mum,Dad,Gene,Lin) is my family ,has always been and always will be.'
"Noll will you please sit still in your sit if you fidget anymore the flight attendant is going to come over here and start asking silly questions, like 'sir are you afraid of flying?' or something along those lines." I scoffed at what Lin said but it was true I looked like this was my 1st flight or my last by the way I was wiggling like a 5 year old child in my sit.
"Lin am I? ... Never mind! Forget that I said anything." Now I added a bounce to my knees that went rhythmically with me biting my fist and hair racking.
"The truth?" Lin said not looking at me seeing if that would calm me down. Like the swat team trying to coxes a jumper down without said jumper jumping.
I didn't respond but I didn't tell him to mind his own business so he knew to go on with his thoughts. I stared straight ahead trying to focus so I was actually listening to what he said and not my internal dialog. I stop the bouncing and fist and hair racking sat in my chair properly prepared to listen.
"Yes and No." the older gentleman sighed and continued on "You're in a strange predicament... On one side you should be going home with me and your brother's body so that we can be there for your family." Lin was right I'm being selfish I should be there for my mother and father to help them thru this difficult time. I'm such a bad son. "On the other hand once you find the one you want they say to never let them go. If that's the saying regular humans use than it makes me thing how hard it will be for 'Our Kind' to find 'the One'."
I can feel my brother beside us in the conversation I was having with my guardian (Well in Japan at least when we got home it would be a different story) Gene was reveling his presents to both of us something he hadn't done in along while. Lin didn't need my help knowing what Gene would say Lin's shikki would just tell him.
Gene was nodding his head at everything Lin was saying and trying to rub my back. "True very true." his sighed heavily. "But then also say if love something let it go and returns to you someday it your's to have and to hold." "And if it does return it's wasn't yours to have in the 1st place."
'Thank You dear brother but how is that going to make me feel any better? Hmm?' I had closed my eyes now that we we're on the tar mat about to take off.
'We can always stop the plane little brother.'
'No that would be silly because nothing has changed that much between now and a couple of days ago for me to see any reason in staying here longer than needed.'
The straw that broke her was the game we played. She was suppose to fight back like any other time we didn't see eye to eye on things. Well really most of the time we did see eye to eye but I love to argue and she was my(2nd) favorite person to bicker with like litigating lawyers in front of a judge. Not wanting to give in to the other side's demands. But when I saw udder defeat in her eyes I knew she didn't think I was playing anymore and that she was taking what I said seriously that hurt me to the core. I can't believe she thought what I said was true! Even I knew just by touching her that it wasn't true but for the woman in front of me was second guessing her feelings for me. That all it took was me saying that maybe it wasn't me that you love but my brother. Agggh!
'You know and I know that's not true Noll.'
'Oh I know but tell that to the girl I love.'
The stupid game we played finally played us in the end causing doubt about our feelings in the end. Than it caused me more pain to also know the girl I cared about might actually care more for my brother like every other girl in the past. To make me think she was like all the others made me literally sick to my stomatch when I thought she was so different.
A week ago
I was perched on the highest cliff I could be without losing the conversation the men below where having about the now waterproof /leek proof tarp that looked like a cocoon. I could heard her walk up next to me I didn't move she was always ok with the way I was before but now for some reason she reluctant to stand next to me.
So I tried to help her feel a little more comfortable by shifting my weight and leaning against one of the two trees far enough from the cliffs edge to survive up there. When she didn't start talking I did. "Is there something you needed?" I said not looking at her trying to keep her from getting scared by what emotions my eyes where holding. I crossed my arms in front of me. "Am no not really I just wanted to ask you a question?" she wasn't even looking at me! I was so mad at the fact that she couldn't even look me in the face. I want to see what kind of questions her eyes held. "You just did so I guess you can." I don't think she got the joke in the answer. I would never turn down any question she wanted to ask me ever. I wanted to give her everything she wanted from me and more just to be selfish and have her by my side. But if she was going to act like this then she should of gone home when I told her to and wait there for this to be done. I mean sure SPR was going to be closing as soon as we got back but I would need her there to help pack she was my assistant still after all.
"Why did you come to Japan?" of course I have been going over and over this part of our conversation for the past couple of days while packing up the SPR office alone, Lin packed up the condo we shared. I explained to her that I saw what happened to my brother and I came here looking for his body and killer. Of course she knew the other reason to right? The paranormal activity the only answer I would give anyone till now. I didn't think I had to repeat that to her again but maybe now that I think about it I should of. With her sad look starched into my eyes now; and I clearly didn't expect the conversation to end like it did also. I said it to get a rise out of her to make her argue with me right now because I felt comfort in us bickering like this. I was expecting" Your stupid how can I love a man that's dead I only see him in my dreams but I see you every day I enjoy every day with you more" but she didn't she actually took what I said seriously.
That's when I found out that I was ready for us to go the next step but she wasn't especially when Mai just sat there like I just crushed her world. I came closer and saw she was crying. "I always thought he was you or my minds dream of you not that he was a real person, let alone your twin brother." I didn't say anything to this, what was there to say. "I didn't know." I was crushed; when I touched her, her heart told me that I was the one she loved. She enjoyed our fights and making me tea even though she complained most of the time. She knew I was the biggest Teddy bear when it came to her right? For once she was using her mind and not her heart but this wasn't the time for that. I also get that she didn't want to act on feelings and be wrong.
How would you take this? I can't cause Mai more conflict by me telling her how I feel about her. It would just make her more confused. So I just went with it. "Don't worry you'll see him again someday." I tried to sound like my dream for our Life together wasn't slipping away. "And I'm sure he'll still visit you." that was my way of saying she wouldn't be alone. This time I'll comfort and show here I truly care but giving her words and psychical support even thought I wished Mai knew she loved me so we could be moving ahead as a couple and supporting each other in our loss of my brother, me in never seeing him again and in Mai never getting a change to meet my charming brother for real. But I know Mai would totally see thru his act just like she saw thru mine.
