Chapter 1

AN: I don't own a thing. Just had to type. Thought I'd have a break, but the story fairy is beating me with the wand.

It was going to be a hellishly long day, Derek thought, as he read through file after file and wrote summaries on each case. This was part of the job that he hated. He had a lot more of these to do, now that he was acting unit chief. There was so much more that he liked doing, the physical aspect of the job in particular. He was going to get soft sitting here.

He stretched his arms over his head and rolled his shoulders, working out the kinks. It wasn't working. The stiffness was there, aching and making it hard to type. He was a slow-ass typist anyhow; this was not improving matters. He looked down the hall from his office and saw a light shining out of Garcia's office.

Penelope. He sighed. Not too long ago, he would have just walked in there and sat, and she'd massage his neck, without a word. They always knew exactly what to do, how to make each other smile when the world was nuts. They were that connected. Best friends, forever. Until he ruined it.

It was almost funny. He had always known that his baby girl had a crush on him. Derek was used to that; he had women fighting over him for years. It didn't phase him much anymore; once they got close enough to know he was plagued with nightmares and had a strong lack of faith because of the horror he saw every day, they backed off. He was a tortured soul; it took a very strong woman to stay with him.

She flirted shamelessly with him, and he flirted back, almost as bad. She usually had him beat; some of the stuff she said actually made him blush! He'd always taken it as a joke, nothing serious. Through that, he found himself so comfortable with her. There was no need to pretend with her, no need to be the suave player that he was with others. Hell, he could burp in front of her, she'd just burp back.

Then, one morning she came in and didn't flirt with him as usual. She just walked past, a dreamy look on her face. She told him about meeting a guy. "Smokin' hot," she said. He was surprised, that was for sure. But something else hit, deep in his gut, but he didn't want to put a name on it. When she expressed worry about the guy, that solidified it that there was "definitely something wrong with him."

This did not bode well with Garcia. She actually yelled at him, the first time she did that in three years. "Just because you wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on me does not mean that a more perceptive, less superficial guy wouldn't." She then added that he "sucked" and hung up. He took her words to heart. Would he cross the room to hit on Garcia? He thought about how vibrant she was, and how warm and caring.

He thought about that "perceptive" comment, too. Was there something he was supposed to be perceiving that he didn't see? All he knew was, that started changing how he felt about her deep inside.

He didn't have time to really dive into his feelings; she was shot and he was chasing the bad guy that did it (Mr. "Smokin' hot!"). He poured his heart into it. He loved her, he loved her, and he wanted that guy to pay for hurting her. He also felt guilty for not being there to protect her, for not recognizing his own feelings prior to this horrible accident. He decided she needed to know that night, that minute.

"I love you, baby girl. You know that, right?" he said, his heart in his eyes.

"I love you too," she said. He smiled, and shuffled her off to bed. She was recovering; once she was healthier, he'd examine his relationship with her more. But he didn't get the chance; Garcia started dating a tech guy named Kevin Lynch immediately returning to work. Obviously it wasn't the same kind of love anymore.

He was nauseating, he just hung on Penelope like a bad scarf. Penelope could do so much better than him! He was disheveled, unkempt, geeky. He thought it would pass, until the rumor went around that Rossi walked in on them in flagrante delicto. "What? No way," he said, but the others on the team were laughing, having fun with this. He wasn't having so much fun; in fact, he had to leave. He was too late; he had waited too long to do anything.

They were still dating even now. Derek decided a long time ago that he needed to move on. He had a string of short stands, but that was is. Until he met Tamara. She was beautiful, she understood agony- she was a victim's sister. He was hoping she'd be the one to move him towards a normal life, away from the BAU. He decided he need to distance himself from his job, this job that ate your life and then handed you the bill. And part of that was to distance himself from Penelope.

So, he sat back at his desk, ignoring the light down the hall, and continued typing.