"What have I done?"

I ask myself out loud as I walk down Beacon Street. The same street that houses Cheers, the bar I have since quit. Good God, did I miss that place already. I miss the dim lights, the regulars, and even the smell. That God-awful smell that would leave me nauseous until I ran to my apartment and showered. The only thing that smelled more putrid than the bar was the cologne that Sam is famous for. Now it's both of these scents that make my heart sink in despair.

I have just ruined my life once again. I have never realized how good I was at ruining it until I worked there. I suppose I was always good at it but I was so in my own bubble that I was in denial. The first few days at work, I suppose one could say that I thought I was Glinda the Good Witch. She came down to her pink bubble onto Munchkinland...

Okay, I have to stop and laugh. Carla Tortelli in Munchkinland! She sure as hell wouldn't be in the lullaby league! Oh, I must stop, strangers are starting to look at me as if my facial tic has come back. I put my hand to my face but my mouth isn't twitching. Okay, I'm good...

Oh God, I'm going manic depressive here as my thoughts are changing. One minute I'm laughing and the next minute I'm crying. Who the hell have I been kidding all this time? I am not Glinda, I'm Dorothy. A lost, little woman who has people out to get her. Janet Eldridge is definitely Wicked Witch of the West in this particular scenario. Why is she wicked? Because she has Sam? Yes. Because she is a slime ball politician who just wants to win a popularity contest? Yes.

Yet, disregarding those reasons, she is not completely to blame. I hate Sam because he is with her and he's stupid enough to think he's anything more than a publicity stunt. I know why I hate this scenario even more. For the egotistical reason of being that Sam fell in love with another intelligent woman. The most shallow reason in the world and it's the one that drives me the most insane. I have always prided myself in being the most intelligent person I knew how to be. I never mean to use it for evil, but Janet does. If Janet gets this, and I know she will, Sam is going to get dropped like a hot potato. If I had behaved myself and not have acted like a madwoman like I had in the bar, I would have no problem taking him back while I laughed in his face about it. Maybe I wouldn't have laughed at all. Lord knows I'm not laughing now. I am in a park on a bench crying my eyes out. Sam is a proud man and I ripped him to shreds for everyone to see on TV.

The sound of a bird calls me out of my morose state for a moment. A blue jay has swept over my head and landed right beside me. I wish I could fly like that bluebird. Hey, that leads me back to the Wizard of Oz. Why does that keep popping up in my head? Is somebody from somewhere trying to tell me something. I sigh heavily as I watch a pretty, pregnant woman reach down for her kid.

"Time for us to go home, honey," the mother says to her child.

I look at the bluebird and then back at the pregnant woman who was on her way home with her little one. Yes, it all of a sudden hits me, I will go home. I will go home, relax and think about what I am going to do later. After all, there is always tomorrow and tomorrow is another day. Oh great, I am now on Gone With The Wind mode. Yet, that's not a bad movie watch when one feels lost. Hmm, maybe I'll watch it tonight...