"He knows me, but he also loves me. And sometimes the one gets in the way of the other." – Delenn, Babylon 5
I often wonder what life would have been like if I had been fully Cardassian, or fully Bajoran.
Kira tells me that I am lucky, that my compassion and empathy stems from my Bajoran nature. I am not like other Cardassians.
She would not be my friend if I was Cardassian.
Garak regards me steadily and informs me that our relationship is only possible because I am part Cardassian. He holds me but I do not feel accepted.
We would never be together if I was Bajoran.
Damar has little time for me since I chose to remain on Deep Space 9, instead of leaving with my father. In his eyes, the ridges on my nose have already marked me as a traitor.
We might be friends if I was Cardassian.
My father loves me. He lost everything making a home for me, but truly does not regret my existence. With him, my family, I feel like I belong.
But he knows what I am like. I wonder now what he will do when he discovers my part in Kira's rebellion. He has disowned me once; he knows my allegiance does not lie with Cardassia.
Will he order my execution? He has wanted to kill me before. But he does love me.
Would he mourn if I died as a traitor? I do not know. Perhaps not; loyalty to Cardassia is everything.
My future, like my past has been, is uncertain. I am torn between my father, the person with whom I feel like I truly belong, and my principles. Cardassia is not my home; I do not owe it loyalty. My father does not see things this way.
But he does love me. But he knows me.
