Replacement…
A/N: Since Ziva is out and getting herself tortured and all that(goodie) I thought that someone has to come and be her replacement. So here's a couple of crackpot ideas. And PS. If you have a suggestion of who you'd like to see on Team Gibbs and I know the character or person, then I'll happily try and do it.
"Alright, I have a few ideas," Vance said to Gibbs. "Since you're holding it off, I'll be putting people on your team on a trial basis and we'll see how it pans out," he waited for the response.
"This is madness," Gibbs said. But he didn't have the chance to argue.
NCIS Bullpen 0930 hrs
Gibbs checked his watch as he waited for the new agent to arrive. He had been waiting for him impatiently. The replacement was supposed to be here at 0800 at the latest. Gibbs was already starting to dislike the agent already. The elevator dinged and an unshaven man walked with a cane. "I'm looking for Special Agent Gibbs," he called out in annoyance. "Come on people, I don't have all day," he finally entered the bullpen.
"I'm Special Agent Gibbs," Gibbs eyed him skeptically and looked at the cane. How was this guy going to be a field agent?
"Agent Gregory House," House said. He had stopped listening to Gibbs and checked the files on the desk. "Hmm, basic homicide, basic robbery. Boring. Don't you have anything worth while? Oh, hello," House said as he hobbled over to his desk.
"What are you doing?" Gibbs snapped.
"Choosing a case file," House swallowed a Vicodin pill.
"We don't choose our cases," Gibbs snapped at him. At this point of time Tony and McGee strolled in. "This is Ziva's replacement," Gibbs told the two.
"I'm agent Tony DiNozzo," Tony introduced himself.
"Tim McGee," McGee said.
House stared at them for a moment. They had introduced themselves but he just didn't care. "I'm sorry, but for a moment there, I almost found myself caring. Thank God! That scary feeling had past," he said as he clumsily got to his feet. "I'm Gregory House. And I'm here because some whiny ass suit told me to be here," House told them.
"Okay," Tony said slowly.
"Gear up," Gibbs said. "We have a dead body in Washington State Park. A couple of joggers came across it," he told them. They were all in the elevator waiting for House to catch up.
"Tony… Sketch and Laser. McGee… Bag and tag and photograph," Gibbs lowered his head. "What did you do before coming here, Agent House?" he asked.
"I was a doctor… I worked a lot of clinic hours," House followed Gibbs.
"Well you can interview the witness then since you've had experience in dealing with people," Gibbs told him. They approached the man and woman who had found the body. The woman looked pretty shaken up and was sniffling.
"Alright," House said as he pulled out his flipbook. "What time did you come across the body?" He asked.
"It was about quarter past eight," the woman answered.
"I need to know exactly," House responded while rolling his eyes. "It's imperative we get down as many accurate details as possible," he told her while trying to remain patient. His patience meter was always really low.
"I'm sorry," the woman began to cry. "I don't know the exact time," she screamed at him.
"Oh, stop that whining," House told her. "Look at the dead body there. Look at it! Now that guy has something to whine about doesn't he?" House asked. He was getting annoyed at the lack of help.
"Agent House!" Gibbs snapped at him. "What do you think you're doing?" The hysterical woman was even more hysterical.
"My job," House said.
"Go back with the body and wait for our ME to arrive," Gibbs ordered. He was already getting annoyed with the replacement already and it was going to take him ages to calm the woman down.
House was getting bored waiting around. He breathed a sigh of relief when the ME van finally pulled up and Ducky and Palmer walked out. "You are the ME?" House asked.
"I am Doctor Mallard," Ducky said. "Ah, you must be the new team member," it finally dawned on him as he bent down to get the liver temperature.
"We need to order a CT scan, x-rays, full blood work," House told him as he went through the list of tests. "A CBC is completely necessary," he continued. Ducky nodded as he assumed that the new agent was acting under Gibbs' orders.
"It'll take time," Ducky said as they began loading the gurney.
"It'll take even less if you stop yakking and get to it," House responded quickly. It was a tough time already.
NCIS bullpen
House had observed his coworkers. He had already made up his mind that he didn't like any of them. Tony was sleeping at his desk. McGee was down in the lab. Gibbs went to get coffee and see what was taking Ducky so long with the autopsy. A sadistic grin appeared on House's face when he came back with a small bucket of warm water. He knew it was childish but he didn't care. He picked up Tony's limp hand and placed it in the bucket for awhile. The same trick had worked with his colleague. After an amount of time had passed, he took the bucket away and sat back at his desk.
NCIS Autopsy
"What's taking so long with the autopsy Duck?" Gibbs asked Ducky.
"With all the tests that you've requested, it's going to take some time," Ducky turned to face him. "I am surprised that you've ordered so many tests," he added. Gibbs looked confused. He hadn't requested any tests. "You didn't order these?" Ducky asked and watched Gibbs shake his head. "The new agent said he wanted to have these tests done… But didn't actually mention that you wanted it done," Ducky surmised that he misinterpreted the whole incident.
"I'm going to speak to him," Gibbs said before leaving autopsy with a heavy sigh.
Gibbs walked into the bullpen and saw House tapping on the desk to a silent tune. Tony was beginning to wake up. "Agent House!" Gibbs snapped.
"What?!" House almost whined. His attention was momentarily distracted when Tony wiped his eyes and stopped suddenly.
Tony couldn't believe that his pants felt soggy. He heard Gibbs yelling at House. That wasn't knew, it was like they were at each others' throats since the new Agent had arrived. Then, Tony realized why his pants were soggy and almost died of embarrassment. How could he have pissed him self in the middle of the bullpen? While Gibbs and House were arguing, Tony grabbed his jumper and made a quick run to the change rooms.
"Are you listening to me?!" Gibbs shouted.
"Yes," House said.
"Agent Gibbs! Agent House!" Vance shouted from the landing. "My office now!" He ordered.
Gibbs and House walked into Vance's office. "Care to tell me why you ordered all these tests, Agent Gibbs?" Vance asked.
"I didn't," Gibbs retorted. He wasn't going to claim responsibility.
"I did," House claimed full responsibility. "They're great diagnostic tools. I had to find out what happened," he replied confidently.
"Agent House… You spent almost half of our monthly budget in less than one day. We can't afford to keep you at this rate," Vance said coldly.
"I'm fired?" House asked hopefully.
"Yes," Vance answered.
"Yes!" Gibbs and House shouted in unison.
"The next replacement will be in tomorrow," Vance said, that wiped the slight smile that Gibbs had.
A/N: I know it's crazy. And not really fair. In the next chapter… Someone totally unexpected joins NCIS. Any guesses?
