Title: Falling Out of Love At This Volume
Author: Obsessed01 (Erica)
Disclaimer: I don't own The OC, Death Cab, or Bright Eyes, from whom I borrowed the title.
Rating: PG-13 because I love the F word. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
A/N: I hate everything around me right now and feel it suitable to take these feelings out on my two favorite fictional characters. Hopefully, they'll forgive me.
"I don't mind restrictions or if you're blacking out the friction." –Death Cab For Cutie
She hates this.
This. When it's just him and her and they have nowhere left to go.
She thinks that maybe that's the reason why they fight so much. They don't want to be left standing around wondering what to do next. And even though she hates fighting with him, she kind of doesn't because sometimes, she likes to see him hurt. She likes to know that she can do that.
And she knows that she's a bitch because he tells her but he kisses her afterwards and she knows it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.
But even the whole "fight and make-up" routine is getting kind of old. And she wonders what's going to happen to them when they tire of it completely.
Because they can only do this for so long without always ending up in the same spot.
And she knows that it's not even about the fights anymore. It's not about their issues or whatever. It's about them and what's going to happen.
She needs to stop blaming him for everything that's happened because that's just going to make her hate him in the end. And she doesn't want that. But she can't bring herself to love him right now either.
And everyone thinks that it's Seth and Summer and that's it's always going to be Seth and Summer but she just can't do that. And she won't be like Ryan and Marissa because really, what's the point?
She wonders if he's sitting in his bedroom having the same thoughts and her chest tightens a little when she thinks maybe he is. But she knows it's time to end this…whatever the hell it is that they keep doing.
Cause she's not fucking doing it anymore.
The finality of that thought scares her a little and she thinks she might want to reconsider. She thinks it would be a good idea to go over the details again and make sure that she's not missing something.
But she already knows she isn't missing anything. She's been over the details millions of times and it's always the same. They've exhausted themselves with the idea of each other and they can't do anything else.
They have nowhere left to go.
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She gets in and out of her car three times before she actually pulls out of the driveway. Even then she hesitates before she convinces herself that she needs to do this.
When she finally ends up in his room she has this sickening feeling that he already knows. He looks her up and down and she's scared when he doesn't seem surprised to see her.
"So, listen." She starts right in because she doesn't want to go through the hellos. "We need to talk."
His face doesn't change. "It's been a while since we've talked," he says and he's not being sarcastic. It has been a while since they've talked; like, really talked.
She doesn't sit down; she can't be that close to him.
"I don't want to do this anymore." She motions between them. "I can't do this anymore."
He doesn't seem confused. Just a little sad and she thinks this isn't one of the times she wants to see that look.
"I love you," he tells her calmly.
"No." She's frustrated now. She doesn't want him to pull her back in. She's not strong enough for this. "No you don't." She's not sure how to explain their relationship at this point, even to him. But she knows he'll get it. "I'm so angry with you right now and I don't even have a reason. But I'm sick of ending up in this same fucking spot."
"I don't know what you want me to say." He stands up like he's going to hold her but he doesn't.
In that instant she wants to punch his face in. Punch something. Because she's mad and she's pissed off and she's sick to death of continuously looking at the same thing and thinking that maybe, it will change.
"I'm tired, Seth. I don't want to keep doing this with you." She's not sure if he knows exactly what it is that they're doing but she thinks he can guess. "We have to stop needing each other so much."
He's not saying anything and she decides she doesn't like it. She wants him to do something, anything, to let her know that these thoughts are registering. She'd rather he reach out and slap her, screaming how much he hated her, than to just stand there like he wasn't even alive.
"What the fuck, Summer?"
And this wasn't what she was expecting because this was how a normal person should react and Seth didn't react normally to situations like this.
"You resent me!" she yells and she's surprised when she realizes she has tears in her eyes.
He doesn't deny it; just yells back at her, willing to match her scream for scream. "That's not my fault!"
She opens her mouth, ready to fire another insult at him but then she stops. This isn't why she came here.
She needs finality. Something she can feel to let her know that it's really over. "We need to stop hating each other so much."
"We need a lot of things according to you."
And then she's cupping his face in her hands and kissing him softly. "Thank you," she says quietly.
His arms are still crossed and he's still on the defensive but he sighs and says, "For what?"
"You taught me so much," she tells him seriously. "Like, how to be a real person."
She smiles even though there are tears brimming in her eyes. He smiles a little too and drops his hands to his side. She touches his chest and takes her hands, holding them close to him.
"For a while I thought you were the most important thing." He pauses, thinking, and then he laughs softly. "For a while you were." He looked down. "That's not right. This isn't right."
She nods. He kisses her forehead.
And then she knows. That feeling like she's sinking and flying at the same time is all around her. She knows that feeling. It's closure.
"I'll see you around."
"Bye," she whispers.
At least now, they have somewhere to go.
