Here is the fourth part, Senior Year, in my series. The previous stories in this series are: Freshman Year, Sophomore Year, and Junior Year. I use Jade's diary entries to explore her perspective on the events in her life. This story takes place senior year in the last season of the show as well as events that I have created. I want the story as realistic as possible to the high school experience so some events that happened on the show are altered to create a more realistic experience. This story starts with the beginning of senior year and ends at high school graduation.
Senior Year
Chapter 1
Hello, Senior Year
Today was the first day of senior year. Trina Vega failed her senior year so I have to attend school with her for one more year. Who fails senior year, especially someone like Trina who had an easy one full of electives, she didn't have AP classes or anything? I have to go cut something up.
I'm back. Some of my mom's summer dish towels won't be making a return appearance next summer.
So senior year, one more year of Tori getting all the roles, seeing Beck everyday (I wonder who he will take to prom), and Rex annoying everyone. I think the newspaper is calling my name, it's just begging to be cut up.
Oh, great I had to spend ten minutes washing my hands because I had stupid newspaper hands. Newspapers are a thing of the past so let's let them all go under and people can get their news online because newspaper hands suck. Although, I do enjoy cutting them up.
I give up.
I will get straight As. I will pass my AP tests. I will get the top roles. I will go to a freaking fantastic college. I will rule the halls and when I leave this school those underclassmen will remember Jade West.
Opposite Date August 2012
Today was very long. First off Beck was wearing this shirt that I made for him sophomore year. This one time I was super stressed and I pulled out my scissors but had nothing to cut up. Beck had an old shirt he let me cut up. A few months later I got really mad at Beck, when he kissed Tori on her second day at HA, so I cut up his favorite flannel shirt. I was learning how to sew so after we made up I sewed the scraps together and it came out looking like a regular shirt. Beck was wearing that shirt today. Knowing how boys are it was probably laundry day and he didn't think twice about wearing it. In other news, I found out from Cat that Beck and Tori were hanging out tonight. So I went into pathetic ex girlfriend/stalker mode and set a plan in motion to spy on and confront them. The entire time I was thinking ,"How could Tori go out with him after she said nothing could happen between them because of me and how could Beck do this to me." I know they were just going out as friends but I was afraid something more could happen between them. They already almost kissed, that means there must be something between them although I haven't noticed any changes in their interactions. I was so angry I resorted to bribing Cat and calling Tori while imitating Cat's voice.
As soon as I stormed into the vet office and Tori and Beck rose to defend themselves something washed over me and it wasn't anger. I thought I would be furious but I wasn't. I realized that Beck and I are broken up. We have been for a while. He's not mine anymore and is free to hang out with anyone. When we were together I was so focused on not losing him that I held on too tight. I pushed him away. I can't be selfish anymore. Would I have a problem with Beck and Tori dating? Hell, yes. That would mean my fears about Beck liking her while he was with me could be true. All those times Beck reassured me he only loved me would make me question everything if Beck and Tori became romantically involved. Girl code is clear that friends or kinda friends don't date an ex and since we all hang out together it would be awkward for everyone. But Beck and Tori weren't on a date. They were wearing sweats and at a vet. If they were to one day date then that would be on them: Tori for dating my ex and Beck for dating my frenemy. I would be the only one to care, no one else would, even though it would be the truth. I also realized that I was overreacting when Beck isn't mine to overreact about. If I spend my time spying on him and thinking about him I'll never move on. I'm not a happy go lucky type but it would be nice to not feel so sad anymore. I have to let Beck go. The truth is I want him to be happy, otherwise I would have taken scissors to his hair a long time ago. I fell in love with him when I was fourteen and three years is hard to let go of. But letting go of Beck doesn't mean that I forget about what we had or devalue it. Letting go means setting Beck free and myself free. My past may feel intertwined with Beck Oliver but my future is open. The future is much too long to be miserable. In the moving on department I have done ok. It's just on a night like tonight, Beck smiled at me like he used to; like he did on the night of the award show, or when we find ourselves standing next to each other and after realizing it slowly move apart, or when someone at lunch tells a story about something that happened and I can tell that Beck and I both remember that we were together then. It is times like those that set me back a little. That makes me feel like I'm not alone in the moving on area. That maybe Beck hasn't forgotten about me either. But I have to put one foot in front of the other and will continue trying to move on.
Three Girls and a Moose August 2012
Trying to move on has proved interesting. Moving on from Beck doesn't mean that I need a boyfriend. I am Jade West I need no one. However, the test I must one day pass that will decide whether I still have feelings for Beck will be my moving on to someone else and how I feel when he moves on with someone else. The problem that I face is that basically every boy that knows who Jade West is, is in fear of me. The only boys that I know of that have ever liked me are Beck and Sinjin. Moving on with someone else, not necessarily a boyfriend just a date or something , will show myself and everyone else that I am capable of having a boy like me and not fear me and that I can like someone else without having Beck consume my every thought. Of course, going out on a date before Beck does ( I haven't heard that he has been on any dates and I certainly would have heard because all of the girls in this town would love to let me know and rub it in my face) would be ideal. So, that brings me to this week. I had heard Beck mention his friend Moose from Canada several times. I was never really interested in what he had to say because it involved Canada and someone named Moose. Those two things disgust me. However, when I saw Moose for the first time this week I was impressed. Moose looked nothing like what I would have imagined someone with that stupid name to look like. Aside from the flannel he also looked nothing like Beck. Cat and Tori went all stupid and basically started drooling. They really made a fool out of themselves. They were determined to have Moose choose them. They thought they could get Moose to fall in love with them and move to America so they could get married and live happily ever after.
When Moose mentioned that his favorite movie was The Scissoring and he wanted to go to the house that the movie was filmed in my heart skipped a beat. I joined Tori and Cat in on the insanity. Yes, I put on my wedding dress replica from the costume in the movie. I know that seems nuts but Tori got her hockey jersey made. I already owned the dress. See the difference between me and other girl is that I play to win. So, when Tori and Cat apologized and threw in the towel I pretended to as well. Did I? Hell no. I took Moose for a drive to "Karokie Dokie". The car ran out of "gas". I pulled Moose in for a kiss. Looks like I won bitches! Now, why did I do all of this? I promised myself and my mother that I would try to move on and give other boys a chance. But I am Jade West so it isn't really about giving other boys a chance. They are all scared of me and that lets me know they are too weak. It is about me finding someone I can tolerate and potentially like and going for it. If someone enjoys The Scissoring I can't let that opportunity slip through my hands, even if he is Beck's friend and he has a stupid name like Moose. I mean Moose is the most stupid name ever. I hate it. You may say how dare I go after Beck's friend when I was upset that he tried kissing Tori? Well, I could say that he tries and I succeed. But, this wasn't really even about Moose. Unlike Cat and Tori I wasn't looking for my happily ever after. I was looking for a sign that I can be Jade West and not have Beck Oliver in the back of my mind. I was trying to pass the test. Sure I felt a little weird kissing someone other than Beck, which made me mad. I mean who am I the virgin Mary? Anyways, I think I passed the test because I went through with it, I found a boy, went after him, and kissed him. I also got a bit caught up in the competition. I mean I will do anything to beat anyone, especially Vega.
Tori (inadvertently) Fixes Beck and Jade September 2012
Beck and I just got back together. It's Friday night or rather Saturday morning now. It's three am and I can't sleep. We got back together at the full moon jam. I guess it was fitting since we broke up in public to make up in public. I wasn't expecting us to get back together. I had finally let go and come to the conclusion that it was over, it was great while it lasted, but it was time to move on. I finally made peace with it. Feeling at peace, well as at peace as I could ever be, made my life a lot easier. Seeing Beck, seeing the girls flock around him, and not being able to talk to him and be with him no longer made me want to cry or destroy something. We were actually even able to speak directly to each other every once in a while. If I was finally at peace why would I risk it and get back together with him. Well, its Beck. I may have found peace with our breakup but it doesn't mean that the love I felt for the boy ceased to exist or could not be found again.
This week I learned something about myself that contributed to my getting back together with Beck, which allowed me to take that risk. Let me rewind first, Tori, always the meddling one, and Andre, the pushover, paid a guy to go out with me. Meredith, Ms. Nice Cupcakes, asked Beck to go out with her. Beck was hesitant to go out with her because I would freak. The summer of freshman year Beck and Meredith had done a play together. I had to go out of town with my mother for most of the duration of the play. I got crazy jealous. There were some phone calls to Beck, made by me, that were of an accusatory and interrogating nature. Beck thought Meredith was just nice but I thought she was up to no good. I mean who brings another girl's boyfriend cupcakes, multiple times! Anyways, I surprised Tori and Andre in the janitor's closet. The look of terror on their faces was priceless! I will never forget it. I wish it was on tape so that I could watch it over and over again. Although, as Sikowitz says thanks good gravy, that there are no security cameras in the janitor's closet. Let's just say, if walls could talk they would have a lot to say. Wait, why would Sikowitz say that? Ew, the janitor closet holds his secrets too? Why had I never thought that statement through and why hadn't Beck? I'm placing that out of mind for now. Anyways, the janitor's closet is also like my secret lair. I mean batman has the bat cave, Fonzi has the bathroom, and I have the janitor's closet. Tori and Andre are idiots. I threatened to permanently harm them with toilet paper, Beck calmed me down as though I were the Red Sea, just as he used to. So by confronting the idiots I found out why they wanted to get me a date. Beck, who also happened to be in the closet, wouldn't go out with Meredith because he didn't want me to get crazy jealous. I once again told Beck that he could go out with any girl he wants. When I found out that said girl was Meredith I was furious but before I knew it I told him that I didn't care. At the time I didn't even know why I said it. I'll have to remember to ask Beck why he was in the closet in the first place.
After school I returned to the janitor's closet because I had some time to kill before rehearsal for the Full Moon Jam. I thought about how I might feel if I saw Beck and Meredith together, why I like guys being scared of me, and why Beck can still calm me down. This is what I concluded: Seeing Beck with another girl would bite but if I've made peace with our breakup I can make peace with that too. I'm okay with guys being scared of me because it tells me something about them as a person. I know I have a dark personality and usually have a pair of scissors in my hand and an extra pair in my boots. Aside from scaring people being fun, my dark personality is part of who I am and if a guy is scared of that than he is not for me because I'm not changing who I am for a guy. I don't need the shiny perfect little life where boys like me, I have too many friends to count, and so on and so forth. Everyone always remembers the sad parts in a book or film. The same goes for life. Even if a film or book has a sad ending we still liked it and enjoyed the journey there. It was worth it in the end. To get to the sad place we had to experience something really good. We would not feel sadness had we not fallen from happiness. That's why I am okay with a boy not liking me, that's why I can still hang around my ex even though it is not always easy, that's why I may hate another girl being with him but I can suck it up. Chapters may end but the book isn't over yet. Why can Beck still calm me down and I allow it after all of this time? Maybe it's habit, perhaps it is just who we are whether we are together or apart. I mean who we are together doesn't disappear. I tried to imagine Beck with a girl like Meredith and I couldn't. I know who he is and a girl like Meredith won't be enough for him. He may not realize that because everyone in his life thinks things should be a certain way and that involves Beck with a nice girl. He was raised that way but it is not who he is. One day Beck will realize that he too knows that everyone remembers the sad parts of a story and that the journey there was enjoyed. He will realize that he needs a challenge and that no girl with cupcakes or from Northridge will be enough. I'm not saying that he's going to realize I'm the girl for him. I'm just saying that girls like Meredith aren't right for him.
Everything has always come easy for Beck. He's never had to study too hard, he's from an upper middle class family, he's good looking without having to try, all he has to do is stand there and girls would make a deal with the devil to be his. That's why Beck likes acting so much, it's a challenge. He can be onstage and escape his easy life and the expectations everyone has of him. He'll realize that he should have appreciated me more and that he should have opened the door. I wasn't thinking that he would come back to me. I would not be waiting for that day to come. But who knows what the future holds and how the story will end. They say there are a lot of fish in the sea and that may be true for many. I am a unique person, even when compared to other unique people, so there are less fish in the sea for me. But I am ok with that. I will get to where I need to go and so will Beck. Those are all of the reasons I got back together with Beck. Beck realized that he likes to be challenged. He too is unique, even when compared to other unique people. We both realized that it's not always easy but it's worth it. There aren't as many fish in the sea for either of us. But we have everything we need and want in each other.
We have some things to work on but we can be better together than apart. We both realized that we fit together. We learned that the grass is not greener on the other side, we are no better apart and lonely, or being regretful that we lost each other. I guess I should back up and fill in what happened after my janitor closet revelation. That revelation made me sing a song I had written inspired by Beck and me. I called it "You Don't Know Me". I sang that song to serve as a statement. Everyone, including Beck, thinks that they know me. They thought it was inevitable that I was going to be jealous of another girl. But did they understand why? Did Beck think that I was only jealous of other girls just to be jealous? Even though Beck and I were broken up he thought he could still use his knowledge of me to control me. He could tell me to calm down and I would do so. That wasn't really fair. It sent me mixed messages. Throughout most of our break up we acted as though we were strangers or acquaintances at the most. But, when needed he would calm me down and could give me that look, that smile, which said I know exactly what you're thinking. Yet, there were times when he would push me. He would say the thing that he knew would make me mad. If someone pushes me I will push them back harder. The night Beck and I broke up and everything that led to that night Beck wasn't acting like he knew me, like I didn't warn him. Before we started dating I warned Beck about what he was getting into. He told me that he knew what he was getting into and promised that he liked me for me. He didn't want to date normal nice happy girls, he wanted me. So where was that promise on the night we broke up? But I knew that Beck just needed to figure some things out because he did know me. He wasn't scared of me, he could calm me down, and he knew how I would react to things because he knew me. I could be myself around him and let him in, even though I often fought it, because he melted the ice queen's heart. Sometimes, like during a fight or when we were broken up he would use his knowledge of me against me. I would also use my knowledge of him against him. Why is it that the people you love hurt you the most? It's because you have high expectations of them and when they don't reach them its easy to lash out under the pressure. Loving someone gives them the power to hurt you. Love's a double edged sword. I looked at Beck when I sang because I thought I might as well be honest. After I had belted out the last line I turned around to put back the mike and Beck was walking up to me. He told me that he missed me. Somehow I wasn't surprised and I believed him. I asked him what he was going to do about it. He had to make the first move so I knew he genuinely wanted us. We kissed and everything felt so right. The audience clapped for us and it felt good to know that not everyone was against us, as it has often felt that way in the past. Of course I'm sure there were a few uninvited Northridge girls sulking in a corner. Beck and I went back to making out until Lane came on stage and reminded us where we were. We came off stage to the tearing up Robbie, smiley Tori, and squashing hugs of Cat. After Andre pulled her off of us Beck and I left.
We drove to our spot in the desert. The only things that could be heard were I love yous, I've missed yous, and I'm never letting you go again. We sat in his car and made out some more and talked for the first time since the break up. We got it all out, apologized, and made new promises to one another. I had to let go a little, holding on to tight to Beck made him fight back. Beck had to do a better job at reassuring me that it was me he wanted. I confessed that I had seen him try to kiss Tori and explained why that hurt me so much. He explained why it had happened. He told me that he was mad at me for how things went down between us. I always feared that there was something between him and Tori and Tori's the kind of girl everyone thinks he should be with so he thought he would give it a try that night. Tori rejected him and he went home feeling upset because he felt guilty and that made him realize that he wasn't yet over me. We also told each other why we wanted to get back together and why we needed it to stick. I told Beck that I loved him because he knows me, he gets me, he makes me a better person, and because of who he is as a person. I couldn't go through another break up because it was too hard being around Beck and not being with him, to know my special someone, my best friend is out there and I want nothing more than to be with him yet being with him hurts. Beck told me that he felt the same way. To know that the person that knows him best is in the room but unreachable isn't something he wants to experience again. He told me that he realized that he needs a challenge and I'm the only girl that can fill that role. He learned that we fit together. I get mad and he can calm me down. When I'm cold he's warm. When he doesn't really care about something I care enough for the both of us. We fit together and not being together resulted in missing pieces. We got pretty sappy.
By the time we finished talking and making out some more it was already near curfew. My mom had come to my performance, she had told me I could take my time coming home. Beck, however, had to get back before curfew. Beck and I then went back to his house and I snuck into his room. Luckily Beck's parents room is on the other side of the house. We as, quietly as possible, had a few rounds of long-awaited makeup sex. Eventually, I had to get home because while my mom had told me to take my time, she would still want me home at a decent hour. Neither Beck nor I wanted to move. It was gratifying to just be near each other again. Neither of us were completely satisfied as it had been a long time, we had no time to waste, and had to be quiet. So Beck and I squeezed our thighs together, snuck back out of the house, and he walked me home. This walk home was like so many other walks Beck and I had shared, walking in each other's embrace in the dark of night. He kissed me good night and pulled himself away. When Beck got home he texted me good night and I love you. I haven't been able to stop smiling. Everything is back where it belongs.
PS Tori is taking credit for getting Beck and I back together. You tried to set him up with another girl, bitch. She claims that her role may have been indirect but was still significant because if she hadn't talked Beck into going out with Ms. Cupcake he wouldn't have realized that I'm the only girl for him. I guess that's kind of true. But I say her action may have sped up the process but it was not her intention so Tori quit thinking you did some grand romantic gesture. You're still just a busybody.
Thanks for reading. The rest of the story is already written and edited so updates will be frequent. In the past I uploaded the entire story at once but I didn't get many reviews so I'm trying to upload a chapter at a time. I know I would prefer to read it that way so let me know what you think. Are my stories an embarrisment to the written word, is my grammar atrocious, am I a decent writer, are the characterizations correct? Let me know, please.
