Word count- 3,519 word(s)
Warnings- Blood, violence, crying. Angst.
Genre- Angst/Romance.
Additional notes- This was a vent. I need to stop projecting on Lance.
Status- One chapter ficlet.
fallen skies and broken dreams
Lance has always been a crier.
He cried when he was happy, he cried when he was sad, he cried when he was angry and felt too many emotions to be normal.
He never really thought of himself as normal, since he was just the boy from Cuba with a huge family. Nothing much, to be honest.
Just a seventh wheel.
Space is vast and empty and cold, void of warmth and love, Lance had thought when he woke up from a nightmare, a nightmare about being thrown out the airlock and into the empty airless void of space, tossed far away from the castle where no one could reach him. and I want to go home. Why can't I just go home?
Of course, he was too far away from Earth and he could never go home, not soon anyways. He was a million light years from home and he had a universe to save. So he couldn't go home. Maybe he never would...
The stars seemed dimmer than before.
ooo
The training bot was faster than he thought.
It slashed at him with a frightening speed, the other paladins watching and cheering him on. It kicked him away, leaping after him after Lance had hit the wall.
Lance didn't really want to get up. He should just lie there and-
The training bot shut off and stayed still, right before it had put a sword through his gut.
Allura's voice had rung out in the open space. "Lance! What was that? A decafeeb old Altean child could do better!" She was standing, imposing and threatening against the harsh (yet soft) light in the training room.
Coran was standing behind her, holding her shoulder and trying to placate her.
Lance did not respond right away, getting up slowly and wincing as he realized he had at least fifteen new bruises.
"Well, I'm sorry princess. I'm not an Altean child." Lance feebly smiled up at her, half joking.
Allura, in response, had scowled, and brushed off Coran's hand. "You are a paladin of Voltron now! You have been for a while now, so you need to get better or you will fall in battle."
Lance simply smiled externally and waved it off, heading towards the area where everyone else was sitting.
Internally however, Lance wept and screamed about how worthless you are you'll never be anything you're not as good as keith or shiro or hunk or pidge or allura or coran and you'll fall in battle just like all the other people who had fought-
He couldn't think that now. Not when he had a team to impress.
ooo
Lance wanted his mom.
It wan't the first time Lance had yelled and screamed for his mom in his soundproof room, crying his heart out and desperately wanting his mother and brothers and sisters and his dad and nana and everyone else in his family.
Lance felt so, so alone. He was just a homesick boy in space, drifting. Drifting until he couldn't even see the stars, only his insecurities laid out in front of him for anyone to see.
He wrapped himself up in his blankets and made a small nest of pillows and he cried. He cried until he couldn't find the cares or emotions or tears to cry anymore.
The Blue paladin breathed in, sniffling away some tears.
The stillness of the room and the quiet, empty, hollow hum of machinery made him ache.
Lance wanted- no, needed- his mom.
ooo
Voltron had saved a planet with creatures that were incredibly in tune with emotions from the Galra, who had invaded the planet for valuable materials and building supplies.
They were grateful, talking to the Paladins and sensing certain emotions from them so they could pick up on conversations.
Pidge was asking questions, the aliens talking and showing off to them in face of Pidge's inquisitiveness.
Some of the creatures were comforting Hunk, who was uncomfortable and tired.
Keith and Shiro were asking about the race themselves and their culture. Allura and Coran were on the ship, making repairs and checking energy levels.
Shiro had glanced over to Lance, expecting him to be surrounded by aliens who were loud and flirty like him, a large mass of people talking.
Instead, Lance was sitting with his back against a tree, his hands being held by a few of the aliens. They whispered sweet words and patted his head, hugging him and telling him things that Shiro couldn't hear.
Lance looked confused, but also comforted. He whispered things back, and it looked like a desperate, sad thank you to Shiro.
The black paladin looked away.
ooo
Blue was so, so good to him.
She listened to him, actually listened, when he talked, gave him happy thoughts and good advice, caressing him with a force outside of his body, a whisper of a hug.
Lance sat in the cockpit of Blue, just talking and alternating between humming and silence.
She purred in response to his humming, a purr that sounded like an old song his nana used to sing to him, a dead tune on dead lips.
Lance suddenly felt more tired than he ever had while in space, and he sagged under the weight of it all.
He just sank into a stupor, his lanky, tanned body curling in on itself.
Blue sang him to sleep, making sure that he didn't feel so terribly small anymore.
ooo
The battle was pretty intense.
There was gunfire rattling around in Lance's head, shaking him and Blue as they flew through space and fought off two cruisers.
"Keith! I want you and Hunk to take out those fighters! Pidge, Lance, go take out the ion cannon on one of the cruisers!"
Pidge was yelling something over the comms, and Lance suddenly had an idea.
"Guys! What if we just go around the cruisers, lead them into more open space, and then finish them off so-"
Shiro screamed over the comms. "Lance, shut up and stick to the plan! Follow orders, dammit!"
Lance thought he felt the sky falling, but there was no sky. It was more like his world shattered, to be yelled at by his hero, with such a violent tone and meaning underneath. He's been yelled at before, by so many people who could never be as important as his family or his friends, but he was yelled at by his childhood hero.
His hero, who just wanted him to stay silent.
Lance shut up for the rest of the mission, saying nothing at all, refusing out of spite and guilt and anger, because if his hero yelled at him, then he was nothing at all. He was just carrying out Shiro's orders.
Everything was shattered, his mind and his heart and he wanted to wake up from this god-awful dream, this nightmare that was his life right now.
Hunk had asked/yelled what was wrong with him, practically pleading through the comms while gunfire sounded, but Lance said nothing. He did not respond, and when they formed Voltron it felt nearly fake to him, he wanted out. He wanted to get out of Voltron and just be back to him and Blue on his own.
He wanted to be alone.
Finally, the battle was over at long last. Lance was still silent. They had gone into their hangars, Shiro congratulating everyone.
Everyone but Lance, of course.
"I- I'm tired. I'm gonna chill in Blue for a bit, is that okay?" Lance was so tired of it all, he wanted to stop talking.
"Yep, that's completely fine, Lance. Just come in for dinner, okay?" Shiro said in a chipper tone.
Lance made a noise of agreement and shutting off his comms before ripping off his helmet and screaming.
Lance screamed, loud and anguished and upset and heartbreakingly sad.
He sobbed, cried and yelled for anyone, anyone at all to help him. Lance crawled over to the corner, shaking, tears falling over the floor, Blue's presence heavy in his mind.
He vomited, heaving and screaming, emptying his stomachs contents onto the floor of the cockpit, Blue growling in concern for him.
The Blue paladin sobbed out apologies, to the Paladins, to Allura and Coran, his family and everyone he's ever met, and to Blue especially, but never him, never him.
Eventually, the crying stopped, slowed until Lance could breathe again. It was better than huffing in frantic breaths that did nothing to help at all.
He shifted away from the mess on the floor, curling up in a corner and sniffling, choking on his own sorrow and his distress that he had just vomited in Blue.
Blue simply sent a mental image of him cleaning it up later, curling her presence around her Paladin, lulling him to sleep.
ooo
Keith was up against the level 13 training bot, swinging around and tossing himself into the air, slashing and hacking at the bot and making it seem like it was as easy as breathing.
After the bot had been taken down, everyone had applauded, including the Blue Paladin.
Lance was impressed, he really was. He just didn't want to go up, he knew he would fail and make himself look like a fool.
He stood up, readying himself and his bayard, using a defensive stance.
He got his butt kicked of course, his body slamming into the floor with a distinctive thump-clack-SNAP of his suit, the blow leaving him winded, lying on his back on the cold metal floor.
The bot was programmed to shut down after it's opponent was defeated, so it powered down, slowing to a stop.
He heard yelling, but it almost seemed far away. Well, Lance thought dryly, coughing. Thirteen is an unlucky number.
Hunk and Pidge had helped him up, gently resting him on their shoulders. Unintentionally, they had poked at some of his more angry bruises and he hissed, an angry, broken noise in his throat that no one heard.
They let Lance stand up, steadying him and making sure he could stand up. Lance smiled an uneasy, winded smile and said a quick thank you before Allura had stomped up to the Blue Paladin, anger clear in the lines on her face and the way she moved.
"Lance, you can't keep doing this to yourself!" She yelled, disappointment radiating from her. "I want you to be successful and good at fighting but you aren't trying! Why can't you be more like Keith?!"
Why can't you be more like Keith?
Lance's facade broke, sudden tears springing to his face, gasping sobs clawing their way through his throat and out of his lungs, a horrifying monster that wanted to ravage him, his heart and his soul and his mind. He started screaming, all the pent up anger and sadness and outright pure depression bursting forth in that one moment with so much force that Lance was sure that he would die.
He fell to the floor, curling up and sobbing and screaming because oh god why are you doing this to me why why why why why why why whywhywhywhy-
He knew he should have been mortified, or at the very least embarrassed by the way that everyone had suddenly sprung to him, clamouring and holding him and asking if he was okay, yelling and gripping him and trying to hoist him up.
Which, clearly, he was not. He was crying with a mix of anger and sadness and joy at finally being able to cry out everything he had been holding in.
Keith had hauled him up at long last and had started hugging him, barking something at Shiro and Allura before carrying the sobbing boy to his room.
ooo
Keith, suffice to say, was not the greatest with dealing with emotions and crying. But looking at the shaking train wreck that was sitting on the bed... he knew he had to do something.
"Lance?" He tried, softly sitting beside the aforementioned boy. "Are you.. okay?"
Lance sniffled. "No, obviously I'm not okay. I'm a shaky crying mess sitting on a bed." He smiled weakly, another few tears making their way down his face, while he clutched the blanket harder, trying to shield himself from Keith's stare.
The Red Paladin frowned, seeing how rattled that Lance was right now. "Why did you start crying over that one remark that Allura made?"
A pause in Lance's shaking. ".. I was.. compared to you a lot in the Garrison. Iverson only said I was a pilot because you dropped out." Lance suddenly started crying again, broken sobs lodging in his throat, making him cough.
"I've wanted to go home for so long," He continued. "I miss my family. I miss the sea. I miss the rain, and the sky and the clouds. I hate space, I hate myself. I didn't want this. I never have."
"Allura telling me that I wasn't good enough... it kind of broke me a little bit." Lance buried himself in a blanket, laughing brokenly and sobbing.
Keith was, for lack of a better word, horrified.
"Oh dear god. Are you telling me you've been compared to me ever since the Garrison? Jesus, Lance..." Keith rubbed his eyes, trying not to cry himself. "I'm not the greatest person in the universe, Lance. I'm not."
Lance laughed. "Well, to me you are." He wiped his eyes, trying to chase away the tears that had fallen. "You're an amazing pilot, you have a personality, firey and ready to do pretty much anything, and you're good looking, you're so damn determined and I'm just the guy who flirts with girls all the time and does nothing."
Keith, at this point, was angrier than he could have ever known before. But his tone was still gentle.
"Okay Lance. You get some sleep, I'm going to go talk to the others. Is that okay?" The cuban boy nodded jerkily and laid down, curling up.
Keith gently laid his blankets on top of him, hugging Lance one more time before he left the room.
And then Keith just slid down, sitting with his back to the door, and he cried too.
ooo
Hunk was silent, sitting on the floor nervously and tapping his hands on the tile. He was silent out of fear and guilt, because why didn't you notice that your best friend was so distressed? Why? Similar thoughts were running through everyone's mind.
All the other inhabitants of the castle were upset. Lance had always seemed so... happy. Flirty and okay. What happened?
Did something go wrong..?
It had been a while. Maybe 30 minutes since Lance had broken down and sobbed in front of everyone.
The door slid open quietly, but everyone heard it. Keith slipped in, silent, shutting the door himself and clutching his arms.
Pidge exploded. "Keith, what the hell happened? What's wrong with-"
"Keith, please, tell us what's-" Hunk had cried, desperate to know why his best friend was so utterly broken.
"Keith, answer us!" Allura had all but screamed, storming up to meet him.
Keith slammed his fist into the wall, a loud noise that made everyone jump, and he whirled around.
"Shut the hell up! Shut UP!" Keith yelled, tears leaking down his face with red tear tracks following, splotchy red. His face was creased with fury. Explosive, violent fury.
The red paladin dropped to the floor, curling up with his knees to his chest, ugly crying noises echoing in the space. His hands gripped his hair, bruised and bloodied knuckles on display.
"W-why?" He asked, his voice hitching on another sob. "Why would you-?"
Shiro looked distraught. "Keith, please, what's the matter?" The black paladin knelt next to Keith, the aforementioned boy curling his hands in Shiro's shirt and crying harder.
"You- you- why did you compare him to someone he wasn't?" Dark violet eyes glanced upwards, a few more tears escaping. "He-he just wanted to be okay! He didn't- he didn't want this! He just wants to go home!"
"Keith, we all do..." Pidge snarled, obviously using anger to hide her sorrow.
"He misses the sea!" Keith yelled, voice hoarse and tired.
Everyone, suddenly and unexplainably, fell silent.
"H-he misses the sea. He misses the rain. He misses not being compared to me all the time." He continues, louder. "He misses his mom, his dad, and the earth. He misses everything!" He yells, louder than ever in the otherwise silent room.
"He hates himself! He hates space now! He hates the stars! So just leave him alone!"
The silence seemed to ring out, and Keith held onto Shiro's shirt with a tighter grip, sobbing harder, while Shiro just hugged him close and closed his eyes.
Allura started to cry.
ooo
Everyone left Lance alone in the following days. He seemed to get better, but his smiles were more uncertain, and his hands a bit more shaky.
Hunk hugged him more often, and Pidge toned down on the sarcastic remarks. Shiro made sure to compliment Lance's skills. Allura just... started being kinder in general, to everyone. She realized the stress of fighting a war that had gone on for 10,000 years was getting to everyone. Coran was even more supportive, patting everyone on the back and giving good advice.
Keith starting staying closer to Lance, still being a bit standoffish with him and fighting a bit, but no harsh remarks were passed. They were caught hugging once by Pidge, who just refused to acknowledge it at the time, but now they were making sly references to it in conversation, to which Lance would burst out laughing and Keith would blush almost as red as his lion.
No one else realized what had happened between them.
Lance noticed too, how everyone danced around him, seemed a bit more cautious, treated him like glass about to break. Everyone but Keith.
Keith treated him the same, but he was gentler about it, hugged him and held him close, whispering supportive words in his ear.
Lance gave back by kissing him on the nose, and holding his hands, swamping him in compliments about his fighting and his hair.
They fell into a routine, giving each other support, falling in love in the process. They loved each other dearly, fighting over the pettiest of things as a joke, crying over homesickness and depression, and being there for each other.
Like the times where they were flying through debris fields, dodging assorted things, Keith blasting holes in chunks of metal for Lance, almost like he was holding a door open for him. Lance laughed loudly and with a tinge of love in his voice whenever he did that, which was payment enough for Keith.
Happier times, full of love and laughter and Keith chasing Lance down hallways yelling and throwing things at him because goddammit, he stole my knife again-
Those were the things keeping them together as the universe changed.
Battles got harder, as enemies realized some of their tactics. Voltron was forced to remake and reuse some tactics.
One mission had gotten wildly out of hand, as they had to go and infiltrate a base on the planet to disable communications systems for the warships, then destroy the ships.
Shiro had split them into teams, Pidge and Hunk going with him, and Keith and Lance going together, running down the hall and shooting sentries, fighting off hordes and yelling compliments over the chaos.
The control room was, unsurprisingly, heavily guarded. Shots fired before Lance had a chance to get his shield up.
Bang.
ooo
Keith doesn't really remember what happened.
He remembers a splash of red on the wall, crimson red not unlike his flight suit, a cry of anguish that might have been his own, and screaming.
Screaming, fighting off sentries and guards, crying. His tears.
Finally, finally, all the guards are taken care of, their remains spread out on the ground, guts and brains and cracked wires tangled.
Lance is slumped against a wall, blood pooling around his torso, splatters behind him that could almost be classified as art.
He has a gaping wound in his side, bleeding and showing flesh and muscle.
Keith is kneeling in front of Lance, pulling off his helmet and sobbing, screaming for help. Please, don't do this to me, is the wordless cry.
Lance coughs, a broken noise that sounds like he's dead already, and desperately brings his hands up to Keith's face and brings him closer.
Keith kisses him, despite the blood pooling in Lance's mouth, running down his face.
The blue paladin laughs breathily, trying not to cry, though the pain hurts so badly.
"I guess I won't be seeing my family after all."
