It hurts, it burns. This sensation, it just won't stop. Stop. I'm begging you, please stop! STOP!

Silence.

A tickle of sunlight, it shines on my closed lids. I open my eyes. The ceiling, it stares back at me. Broken, rotting, dripping from last night's rain on my face. My clothes are the same, untouched. Like it never happened. Sometimes I like to pretend all of it's a nightmare. Sometimes I think I'm going insane. How can this keep happening, and no one remembers? The pain, it's the only thing keeping me from the lie of reality. His tears, his screams. His broken heart as I breath my last breathe. They keep me sane, his suffering keeps me sane. The only thing I can do, and ever did, was to put up with this hell. I can't exactly kill myself, no can I? I'll just return, somehow, someway.

I remember trying to find out why, how, where, what? Everything, anything! Just something, a slight hope as to why this happens. Maybe I can stop it! Now I know I'm forever doomed. I keep aging, but I keep dying. The prime of my life is wasted in crimson strokes and heartless screams. How sweet. Much sarcasm implied.

Today, is my eighteenth birthday. Let's just hope I restrain from at least no death today. Just for today. Just let me be with him. For today.

This vibration, it echoes wood from my beaten desk. I answer.

"Sup?" I greet.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" It's his voice. I smile and laugh.

"Thanks." I say.

"No need to thank me, Kenny. Well, not yet at least!" He exclaims excitedly.

"No, no, no. No surprises or gifts, you giving me this phone last Christmas was more than enough for five years!" I protest in chuckles.

"Come on, Ken. Cut the act, I know you want it. You've been dying to have it for years now." I can hear him practically giddy to tell me.

"Want what?" I ask, curious.

"Aww, you're no fun. I would've thought you'd guessed by now. Oh well, you'll find out sooner or later." He says, having a bit too much fun.

"Dude, if you're gonna surprise me against my will, at least give me a hint or two." I say, trying, failing, to resist a smile.

"Mmm, ok. One clue is all you get! Ready?" he asks.

I sigh. "Ready, kosher boy."

He giggles. "Banzai." The line went dead. He hanged up on me… the little fucker.

Still, to hear his voice on such a day. Just let me live on, just for today. I want to see his smile, his laugh, his eyes glisten. Hear him say my name, it sounds so grand.

I'm in love. Deeply in love. Loving so much it hurts, burns, more than death. So addictive, I can't stop this, nor do I want to. He makes me happy, sad, angry. I can't stop. That's why I want him for myself. Ever since we were in grade school. Stan and Cartman, they separated from us. Stan little by little, he joined the others. Cartman, he was sent to military school. Figures. Only him and I stand in the brisk light of our once treasured group. He's now my best friend, not Stan's. He's mine now. I can clutch to him all I want. The problem is his ignorance. He doesn't know. He never knew what I feel for him.

Too scared, afraid to tell him. Rejection. I hear it's painful. I don't want to taste such a bitter lick. I'd rather slurp sweetness from afar than burn in the sun. I've yet to touch the sun. I'm afraid that if I glide too close to the atmosphere, I'll burn. I don't want to feel such a burn. I've already felt too much. No more pain. So I seal my lips, till they speak of such things no more.