So, after a year in the Arc-V fandom, and with VRains on the way, I thought I'd try dipping my toe into the Zexal fandom with this 25000 monster of a story. It's so big, I'll be posting it in seven chapters, so I'll be posting one every day until this time next week.

If you couldn't tell by the title, this story is based on Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which is an awesome film that you should go see and soon as you've finished reading this chapter. It's a film with a huge amount of background characters, so expect this story to be Cameo Alley. Literally, I was googling which Zexal characters I hadn't used yet by the end of it.

Just a little note at the start, I had to fudge some ages to get the story to flow smoothly, so there are a few changes, like Kaito's a year younger than Shark and Yuma here (weird, I know, but it'll make sense later on). So I've made a quick list as to who's in each year:

Senior: Yuma, Astral, Shark, IV, Gilag, Tetsuo, Takashi, Tokunosuke and Cathy

Junior: Kaito, Rio, III, Kotori, Sanagi, Alit, Anna and Fuya

Freshman: Haruto, Sei, Sachi and Dog-Chan

Junior School: Lily, Orbital, Ponta

One last note (I swear these notes are getting a little ridiculous now), the Tsukumo family's expanded a bit in this AU. For the sake of plot, Kotori is Yuma's younger sister and as is Lily, who's based on Obomi (for her dub name Lillybot).

I swear this story's not that complicated to read - I'm just putting this here so that people don't clog up the reviews with questions about people's ages and relations later. Though reviews are most certainly welcome! (Please give me reviews, pretty please)


Most mothers choose to wake up their children with a kiss on the forehead or turning the light on in their rooms. Mirai Tsukumo apparently thought the best way to wake everyone in the family home up was to blast the radio from the kitchen.

"Oh my god! Mom! Seriously?!"

"Hey, William. You better be awake! That first draft has to be in this morning!"

"Honey, have you seen my keys?"

"Who peed all over the toilet seat?!"

Groaning with protest, Yuma slammed his pillow over his head, drowning out the sound of his arguing relatives, and yet the sound of the radio still permeated it.

"Well would you look at that, it's another lovely day in Chicago! 72 at O'Hare, 74 at Midway…"

"MOM?! Where's my history textbook?!"

"You seriously weren't awake?! And you wonder why I call you before work every morning!"

"Ah, there are my keys! Now where's my wallet?"

"OH MY GOD! The toilet paper's all wet!"

"Try the dresser, Sweetheart. I'm going to get Yuma out of bed."

Yuma quickly connected the dots. Grandma was away visiting her sister. Mom and Dad were going to be at work. Akari would be holed up in her office downtown all day working on her new scoop. Lily and Kotori would be at school.

A grin crept across Yuma's face.

Perfect.

'I've gotta do it, just one more time' he decided 'Once more before school ends. One last adventure.'

As he heard his mother's footsteps on the stairs, Yuma quickly licked both his palms, turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling with his eyes bugged out and tongue hanging out.

He heard the door creak open. "Yuma. Breakfast is on the table."

Yuma reached his hand out weakly, his voice wavering as he spoke. "Mom? I don't feel so good."

Mirai's eyes widened with alarm as she crossed the room to take her son's hand.

"It's alright, honey" she told him, laying her hand against his forehead "No fever, but your hands are rather clammy. How are you feeling?"

Yuma had to restrain himself from grinning – the clammy hands always worked. "My stomach hurts, and I'm seeing spots."

Mirai nodded understandably, turning her head in the direction of the door. "KAZUMA!"

"What's the matter?" his father's voice came from down the hall.

"It's Yuma!"

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Mirai all but snapped "Get in here and see what's wrong! Look at him!"

Kazuma immediately strode into the room, his face a picture of worry. If Mirai was so upset, it must be serious. "Yuma?"

"He doesn't have a fever, but he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots" Mirai explained "And his hands are cold and clammy – feel them."

Kazuma did so, and just looked more concerned. "Do you want me to call a doctor?"

Yuma coughed as hard as he could, frantically shaking his head. "No! No doctors!"

Mirai and Kazuma stared at him in concern.

"Yuma, you don't want your dad to call a doctor?" Mirai asked.

"No doctors! I'll be fine!" Yuma told them in as raspy a voice as he could manage "I can get up!"

As he tried to get up, his mother pushed him back down onto the bed gently. Yuma flopped back, like he hadn't the strength to move.

"I have a test today!" Yuma insisted "I have to take it! I want to graduate and have a good and fruitful life!"

"You're not going to school like this, Yuma" Mirai insisted, then turning to her husband "Maybe I should call the office and tell them I'm not coming in today?"

'No, no don't do that' Yuma's brain was racing as he fumbled to keep up the act "I'm okay, Mom! I'm perfectly…Oh god!"

He flopped back again, faking a seizure as best he could, his body stiffening as he choked.

"Oh what now?" Kotori, Yuma's younger sister, appeared in the doorway, hands on her hips as she tapped her foot "What's wrong with him this time?"

"He doesn't feel very well" Mirai told her daughter with a sympathetic smile.

Kotori scoffed. "Yeah right – dry that one out and you could fertilise the lawn."

Yuma tried not to frown. The only ones he could never fool were his sisters. Lily – at just twelve – had learnt to pick her fights and left Yuma to own scheming. Akari had taught him everything there was to know about fooling their parents – heck, she encouraged him in it. Kotori though was the stereotypical good child – seeing Yuma get away with things she disapproved of completely set her off.

Kazuma frowned disapprovingly. "That's enough, Kotori."

Kotori stared at him in disbelief. "You're not seriously falling for this, are you? You're seriously not falling for this?"

"Is that Kotori?" Yuma gasped "Kotori, I can't see that far. Kotori? I…"

He gagged in order to avoid breaking into a smirk at Kotori's outraged expression.

"Suck it up, Yuma" Kotori scowled.

Mirai also didn't look impressed with her daughter. "Thank you, Kotori. Now go to school."

Kotori still sounded angry, but also defeated. "You're really letting him stay at home? Seriously? I can't believe this. If I was bleeding out of my eyeballs you'd make me go to school! It's so unfair!"

"Please don't be upset with me, Kotori" Okay, Yuma was totally taking advantage of the situation "Be thankful that you're fit and healthy! Cherish it!"

"I'm gonna puke" Kotori remarked, her eyes filled with mascara and vengeance.

She stormed off down the hallway, only for Lily to peer into the room.

"Myocardial infarction?" she guessed.

Yuma felt a surge of pride for her. Kotori may be uptight, but Lily was going to be a wonderful fill for the Tsukumo children legacy once he left home. Her obscure medical knowledge would fool their parents for years to come.

"Get your stuff" Kazuma told her "Akari's taking you to school."

"Syphilitic meningitis?" Lily guessed again "That would be an embarrassment to the whole family."

Yuma shot her a pouty look.

"Get downstairs" Kazuma told her with increasing aggravation.

"If he dies, I get his computer" Lily stated.

Before Kazuma could lose his temper, Akari appeared in the doorway, grabbing Lily by the shoulder. "Don't worry, Dad! I've got her!"

She looked at Yuma, then shot him a knowing wink as she dragged Lily out of the doorway. Yuma heard the sound of the three girls leaving, the front door slamming behind them.

"I'll be okay" Yuma told his parents now that they were alone "I'll just sleep. Maybe I'll have an aspirin around lunch."

Mirai appeared to mull this over, before sighing reluctantly. "I'll be showing houses to a couple from Vermont around the neighbourhood. My office will know where I am, if you need me."

"Don't let yourself get too sick – if you feel you're getting worse, let you mom know so we can get you to a doctor and sort it out" Kazuma added.

Yuma sniffed like he was welling up with tears. "It's so nice knowing that I have such loving, caring parents. You're both such wonderful people."

Mirai gently stroked his hair. "I hope you feel better, Pumpkin."

"Okay, Pumpkin" Yuma repeated back to her.

Mirai kissed his forehead. Kazuma patted him on the shoulder.

"Get some rest" Kazuma told him as they left the room together.

Yuma let out a wheeze, glassy eyes watching the door as it closed. He listened hard for the sound of the front door closing and two cars leaving the driveway.

Sitting up, he cheered loudly: "They bought it!"


Several miles away, at Heartland Academy, Mr Ukyo Kitano was taking note of who was in his senior homeroom class, reading across the rows of desks.

"Todoroki."

Takashi looked up with a million dollar smile. "Here."

"Katherine."

"Here, meow~!" Cathy spoke up.

"Takeda."

Tetsuo raised his hand.

"Tsukumo."

Silence.

Mr Kitano surveyed the class with a frown. "Tsukumo."

Silence. Again.

"Tsukumo."

Everyone turned in their seats to look at Yuma's empty desk.

"Tsuku—"

"Mr Kitano, Yuma's not here."

The class turned to look at Cathy Katherine, who had shyly raised her hand.

"He's sick, Mr Kitano" she explained "My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going out with this girl who saw Yuma pass out at the BARian last night. I think it's pretty serious."

"Ah" Mr Kitano seemed satisfied with that response "Thank you, Cathy."

Cathy grinned back. "No problem whatsoever, meow!"

Mr Kitano shrugged and continued the rollcall. "Hyori."

"Present!" Tokunosuke declared.

"Kamishiro?" Silence. Once again. Mr Kitano looked a little exasperated. "Did Kamishiro pass out at the BARian too?"


Ryouga Kamishiro, owner of the unfortunately nickname of 'Shark' after that one time their Biology teacher put Jaws on the TV to teach them the harsh realities of Mother Nature, had not in fact passed out at the BARian. Instead, after a round of mocking from his sister, he was tucked up in bed with the curtains drawn, blasting U2 music from the speakers so loudly that the neighbours would've complained had they not been at work. In fact, the only reason he heard the phone ringing was because the stereo was halfway between changing tracks.

With a groan, he reached out and picked up the phone. "Rio, I swear to god, I am sick. Go back to class, alright, I'm not coming in."

"Hey Shark!" It wasn't Rio's voice on the other end of the line and Shark couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not.

"What do you want, Yuma" It wasn't a question, just a necessary statement.

"You gotta get over here! I'm taking the day off!"

Shark groaned. "I can't, I'm sick."

"I know, Rio called me" Yuma told him and Shark regretted introducing Yuma Tsukumo to his younger sister for the millionth time "She says it's all in your head, so get over here."

"I'm can't – I'm incapable of moving" Shark insisted.

"Is you mom in the room or something?"

"No, she's at work" Shark told him, then immediately regretting what he'd just said.

"Then you have no excuse!" Yuma told him "Get over here and pick me up! We're taking a road trip!"

Shark hung up on him, burying himself under the covers. Within seconds, the phone was ringing again. Shark ignored it.

This continued for approximately fifteen minutes, until Shark came to the conclusion Yuma wasn't going to give up and let him be sick in peace, so he picked up the phone again.

"I'm dying" he insisted.

"You're not dying" Yuma told him "You just can't think of anything good to do. Come on, I'll be outside in half-an-hour, okay? Don't forget some snacks!"

This time, it was Yuma who hung up on Shark, honestly believing Shark was going to pick him up and take him on some hare-brained adventure.

Which Shark probably was going to do, wasn't he?

Sighing, Shark kicked the covers off him. If Yuma said half-an-hour, he wouldn't be ready for at least an hour. Shark had time to kill.


Hanging up on Shark, Yuma went on an important hunt. One of the first things Akari taught him – always make sure you have sufficient funds when ditching. Nothing was worse than the fun having to stop because you ran out of money.

Luckily, Yuma's father had a penchant for spending.

That may not sound lucky, but it was. It meant that whenever Mirai got a cheque, she would keep it in a shoebox until she truly had to cash it. It wasn't unusual for her to have twenty of them at a time. She rarely kept track of them and if she did notice one was missing, she'd blame it on Kazuma.

'Not that she hides it very well' Yuma thought as he dug the shoebox out from behind the pipes under the kitchen sink.

To give Yuma credit, he tried to take as small a cheque as possible. Rather than going for the meatier ones, he settled for a three hundred dollar cheque. The odds were he wouldn't even use most of it.

Just to be on the safe side, he headed to Kotori's bedroom and riffled through her purse, taking a twenty and a ten. It wasn't like Kotori spent it on anything – she didn't smoke, she didn't play video games and snacks made you fat, apparently. Money was wasted on her. She probably wouldn't even notice – the purse more than likely hadn't been opened in several months.

With the monetary problem settled, Yuma's thoughts turned to their third musketeer. Yuma had learnt from numerous other sick days that going on an adventure with just two people was a bad idea – if you fell out, it ruined the day for both of you, and fallings out was less likely to occur if you were in a group. Since this was more than likely going to be Yuma's last adventure during high school (it was almost summer and, besides, he was pretty sure he was going to have to actually cough up a lung to convince his parents he was sick again) he could not afford for anything to ruin his day. So, a third person was necessary.

The first person Yuma's mind turned to was Astral, obviously. But Astral wasn't in town today, and Yuma had never managed to get Astral to ditch school with him anyway. And to be honest, if any other member of Yuma's class went AWOL today, some teacher was going to get suspicious about the number of seniors absent that day.

So, someone in another year then? Which juniors did Yuma hang out with?

Rio was an obvious choice, but if her brother was already sick and she went missing in the middle of the day, someone was going to put two and two together. Another lesson from Akari – never take siblings that attend the same school.

Michael Arclight, who they all nicknamed III as he was the third Arclight brother to attend Heartland Academy, would also be an option, if III's older brother wasn't coming home from university that evening. III would spend the whole day worrying about not being home on time to see his brother, and worrying would put a damper on their adventure. That and his other older brother would whine for hours about not being invited too, even though Shark couldn't stand the guy.

Alit was another option, but Yuma's chest deflated at the thought of Alit. Alit had gotten into a lot of trouble due to his older brother, a guy called Vector who was a real psycho. Alit had mostly been able to power through it, and Yuma and Astral stuck up for him whenever they could. But the problem with most small towns, was that if one family member was screwed up, the entire town expected the rest of the family to go the same way. Apparently Alit had received a hard knock recently, when his best friend Gilag's parents had banned him from going round to Gilag's house. Now it appeared Alit was content to become the town punk; after all, it was what was expected of him, right? Yuma was worried, but his parents had insisted he give Alit time to sort himself out – Yuma's presence may just make things worse. Alit was fundamentally a good kid, and just needed a little bit of time to learn that on his own. Besides, Alit more than likely wasn't at home or school; Yuma wouldn't know how to get in contact with him.

So, Alit was out. Who else did Yuma know in junior year?

The answer hit him, and Yuma was somewhat disappointed that he hadn't thought about this option sooner.

Problem was, he was pretty sure this guy was already in school. That meant he was going to need Shark's help. But Shark was one of his best friends – he shouldn't be too upset, right?

In the meantime, there was something Yuma could do before Shark turned up.

Yuma dialled a familiar number, grinning at the fact that everything was going so smoothly. Akari would be so proud.

"Hey, Takashi? It's Yuma! I need to call in on that favour you owe Akari! Don't worry, I'll let her know you've paid it!"


"Well well, would you look at that. Yuma Tsukumo, absent for the ninth time since Christmas."

Secretary Droite didn't look up from her typing at the sound of Mr Heartland, dean of students at Heartland Academy, musing to himself about plotting the downfall of a wayward Tsukumo. He'd been doing this every other day from the moment Akari Tsukumo had set foot in 'his' halls.

"Well, he's not getting away with it this time" Mr Heartland declared, dialling Mrs Tsukumo's work number – a number he knew by heart by now.

"Hello?"

"Mrs Tsukumo" Mr Heartland declared with a smug flourish "Are you aware that your son Yuma isn't in school today?"

Mrs Tsukumo gasped, and Mr Heartland nearly fistpumped with victory, until she followed the gasp up with: "Oh, yes! Yes, I know! I'm so sorry! I forgot to call in!"

Mr Heartland retained himself from yelling with outrage. "Are you also aware than Yuma doesn't have…well…the most stellar of attendance records?"

There was silence on the other end of the line for a heartbeat or two. "I'm afraid I'm not sure what you mean."

"He's missed nine days of school so far since Christmas" Mr Heartland stated with a smug smile "If he continues this streak, he could be held back a year."

"Nine days?!" Mrs Tsukumo sounded shocked "My goodness! How could he have missed nine days?"

"Perhaps because he's been faking those days, Mrs Tsukumo" Mr Heartland suggested slyly.

"Wait a minute, is that Mr Heartland?" Mrs Tsukumo's voice was turning from shocked to angered "You're the same piece of trash that always made out that Akari was truanting!"

"Well, it appears her brother is following in her footsteps" Mr Heartland told her.

"First you try to besmirch my daughter's name and now you're going after my son!" Mrs Tsukumo's voice came so loud down the phone line that Mr Heartland had to hold the phone away from his ear to prevent him going deaf. "Well Mr Heartland, if you don't start leaving my family alone, I'm calling the phone on your ass!"

The phone hung up, and Droite resisted the urge to laugh at the look on Mr Heartland's face, somewhere between disbelief and outrage.

"She can believe what she wants" Mr Heartland scowled "But I have the proof here that—"

His voice cut off as he stared at his computer screen. He had Yuma Tsukumo's attendance record on the screen. Where the number had once said '9', it now said '2'.

"That Tsukumo brat!" he yelled, jumping up from his seat "He must've have someone hack my computer! He won't get away with this!"

Droite just let him rant. If nothing else, his antics always made for amusing dinnertime stories with her fiancé Gauche.


"Kotori!"

Kotori was startled when Fuya Okudaira came running up to her in the hallways. Fuya was in her year, but they didn't share any classes and they didn't exactly talk very often, so she was surprised to see him running towards her.

"I'm sorry about Yuma" Fuya told her.

Kotori frowned, gripping her school books to her body tighter. "Sorry about what?"

"I heard he's sick" Fuya told her "I heard that if he dies, he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder. He's such a nice guy, right? Tell him I hope he gets better!"

As Fuya went running back down the hallway, Kotori's grip on her books tightened so much that her knuckles turned white.

'Damn that Yuma' she thought 'Doing whatever he wants. How is this even getting around school?'

"Hey, Kotori! How's Yuma doing? Is he really dying?"

The person who had just spoken had to duck to avoid a heavy textbook being hurled at their head.


At home, Yuma was on the phone to a certain freshman he knew. Kaito would probably blow a fuse if he found out Yuma had been using his brother to spread rumours, but then again, if he was so paranoid, Kaito shouldn't have given Yuma his younger brother's number, should he?

"The doctor sent some of my blood to the Atlanta Disease Control centre" Yuma told him, reading from a page of Akari's notebook where she kept her list of great reasons to get of the work and/or school. Yuma had to admit, some of them were pretty inventive, but people would believe anything if you sold it to them right. "I'm really nervous. I hope it's not that bad."

"Are you feeling okay?" Haruto's innocently worried voice drifted down the phone line "Do you have, like, stomach cramps? I have some medication I take when I feel like that."

"Have you ever seen Alien, the movie?" Yuma asked "You know, when the alien explodes out of the guy's stomach. It feels like that."


Meanwhile, Haruto was in his homeroom class, staring wide-eyed at Yuma's admission. The rest of the class was gathered around him and the phone, anxiously waiting for news.

"Um…I've never seen that movie, but that sounds bad" Haruto told him. He then placed the phone against his shoulder to muffle it, and asked the rest of his class: "Have any of you seen the movie Alien?"

Everyone shook their heads. Haruto sighed and returned to the phone. "Yes Yuma, I'm still here."

"Who's he talking to?" Sei asked her friend Sachi.

"Yuma Tsukumo" Sachi told her "You know him?"

Immediately Sei got excited. "Of course! He's getting me out of summer school!"

"Anyway, we all appreciate you telling us how you're doing, and we hope you get better soon" Haruto told Yuma over the phone "Classes are about to start in a minute so we have to go…what?" He paused for a moment, then nodded with comprehension. "Of course."

"I hope he doesn't die" Sei commented "I don't think I could survived summer school."

Haruto saw a girl passing his desk, and he grabbed her arm before she could walk away. "Have you seen Alien?"

Pip, nicknamed Dog-chan for her love of dogs, frowned with confusion. "Yeah, so?"

Haruto passed her the phone.

"Hello?" Dog-chan asked "Oh, hello Yuma!" Her expression turned to horror. "Oh my god! You're dying?! Is it serious?! Are you okay?!"


In his office, Mr Heartland was comparing his computer copy to his hard copy. He could say the computer version was faulty, but then it could be argued that the computer was faulty when the hard copy was printed.

"I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him!" Mr Heartland declared "Exactly like his sister!"

"With your bad knee, sir, I don't think you should be throwing anybody" Droite told him from her desk.

Mr Heartland just stared at her for a long moment, but Droite didn't take the bait.

"You know what's so dangerous about a kid like Yuma Tsukumo?" Mr Heartland told her "He gives good kids bad ideas. Like that Astral kid. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Yuma Tsukumo disciples running around these halls – we dodged a bullet with the last one, but her brother seemed even more influential."

"He's very popular, sir" Droite informed him "Everyone from jocks to geeks to motorheads. They all adore him."

"Which is exactly why I have to catch him this time" Mr Heartland told her, smiling pleasantly like he thought Droite was agreeing with his line of thinking "To show these kids that the example he sets is the first-class ticket to nowhere."

"How many times have you stood in front of the mirror reciting that speech?" Droite asked, somewhat curious.

Mr Heartland didn't respond beyond an indignant squawk.


Putting down the phone from talking to Haruto, Yuma flopped back on his bed, glancing at the clock. Shark was already five minutes late and nothing could get done until Shark arrived. The beautiful summer day was wasting away pointlessly.

"Poor Shark" he commented "I bet he's sitting on his driveway right now, debating whether or not to come here."


Shark was in fact sitting in his driveway, straddling his motorcycle, staring at the speedo as if it held the answers to the universe. Or, at least, whether he should start the engine or not.

"We're gonna get caught" he muttered "No doubt about it."

He took the keys out of the ignition with a sense of finality.

"I'm not doing it" he decided "I don't owe Yuma anything. I don't care if Rio teases me about being a wuss, I'm not going."

He stared at the speedo again.

"He's gonna keep calling until I head over" he stated.

With a sigh, he put the key back in the ignition and started the engine.

"You know what, that won't happen" Shark declared "I'll get caught and sent to juvie or whatever. Yuma will escape, and when I try and pin it on him, no one will believe me."

A few seconds later, he turned the engine off.

"I'm not a wuss. I'm looking out for my best interests."

He started the engine again.