Different Paths
A/N:I do not own Aaron or Jackson. ITV does. If I did, none of the following would even have the chance to happen.
'Aaron, we need to talk. I'm sick of us skirting around this, we need to talk about it.'
It was morning. Aaron sat on the bed whilst getting into his overalls which still boasted dirty marks from the day before. Jackson sat in his wheelchair by the side of his bed. Aaron had stayed over at Dale View again last night. As usual, he'd insisted that the sofa was comfortable enough to sleep on. Jackson had argued differently. As much as he appreciated Aaron's night time vigils, Jackson couldn't help but feel guilty watching his boyfriend struggle to get comfortable on the sofa by the window, but pretend to be nonetheless. They'd talked well into the night, like they used to; except not like they used to. Not like they used to at all. There was no contact whatsoever. Hell, they were barely in the same room. Having to raise their voices to enable the other to hear across the downstairs of the cottage was beyond awkward, but both refused to acknowledge it. Refused and feared it; scared as to what inevitable questions it may raise about their relationship. There was an emptiness; a vacuum between them. Ironically, the growing distance between himself and Aaron was the only thing Jackson could feel.
'Talk about what?' Aaron asked absentmindedly, grimacing at the filth smearing the clothes he was putting on. They had barely spoken since Hazel had woken them and left to fetch 'supplies' from Viv's.
'Aaron…' Jackson lowered his face, indicating that surely the topic of discussion was blatantly obvious. Aaron shook his head. Jackson sighed hard.
'About…us. About how we can't, yer no, be close any more.' As much as he cursed Aaron for his refusal to talk about such issues, in truth Jackson found it just as tricky.
'Yeah, but we're coping aren't we?' Aaron tried hard not to show his awkwardness with the briefest and limpest of smiles..
'Are we?'
'Jackson I've told you! It was never just about sex with you. It was way more than that. Surely me being here shows that?'
'So, what? We're just meant to trundle along as we are, never touching each other ever again? Aaron, we can't even share the same bed- I can't even hold your hand!' The pain radiated from the older man's face, tears beginning to brim within his dark eyes. His mood have darkened in direct contrast to the rising light beaming in through the windows that morning.
Aaron didn't know what to say. He empathised so much with his boyfriend, yet he didn't have the solutions. He couldn't even come close.
'I know we've never been big on the PDA's but, when it was just us two, when we were together, at yours, on holiday, for God's sake even at Bar West! Aaron, I can never touch you again.' A lone tear trickled down Jackson's cheek. 'Aaron I can never touch you again! Can you really live with that, live with me for the rest of your life. This is how it is Aaron, this is never going to get better…'
'The Doctor said that…' Aaron cut him off but before he had chance to air the much referenced vague hope they had of some kind of recovery, his boyfriend shot him down.
'Aaron stop! Just stop! It could take years Aaron, years. It may not even happen at all! Can you really wait that long?' His upset had spilled over into anger. Not at Aaron, but at their situation. Inwardly, Jackson hoped that this clarification was implied.
Aaron reached out, grasping Jackson's arm, a tear mirroring Jackson's as it slid down his face.
'Yes! I can! I will!'
If he could have, Jackson would have moved his arm away out of Aaron's grasp.
'Aaron you're eighteen! I'm the first boyfriend you've had! You can't be expected to be lumbered with something as pathetic as me for the rest of your life!'
Inwardly, Aaron winced at the word 'pathetic'. Jackson was anything but pathetic. Instead however, a very different tone spluttered out of Aaron's mouth; the defence mechanism.
'What is this? Is this your complicated way of dumping me again? Like you did at the hospital when you said all that stuff and wished I was dead?' Jackson looked up as Aaron jumped to his feet. Jackson shook his head, openly sobbing.
' No…'
'Just say it Jackson, I'd rather you just tell me! If you don't want me, just tell me! If I'm not good enough or I'm useless at caring for you, just tell me!'
'You're not useless! And I'm not dumping you!'
'I'm trying Jackson, I really am! If you wanna chuck me, just say it coz it actually hurts me even more when you talk about yourself like that, I'd rather you just tell me!'
'I'm not chucking you! That's the last thing I want! I need you Aaron, I really do! And I don't just mean with, yer no, the practical stuff.' Aaron sat back down on the bed, wiping the tears from his face. Jackson continued. 'When I told you I didn't want to see you anymore, and you didn't come to the hospital for weeks…I….I….Aaron it felt like years. I missed you so much! I felt sick every time someone even mentioned your name!'
'I don't understand then. I don't get it.' Raw confusion now ebbed from Aaron's glistening eyes.
'I'm suggesting that, that, we perhaps…' Jackson swallowed. '…have an open relationship'.
'A what?'
Jackson straightened up. 'An open relationship. I'll still be here, but you can still have the chance to go and meet people… and stuff.'
'Are you insane?' Aaron stood up again, towering over his boyfriend.
'I…'
'What do you think I am?'
'Nothing, I just thought…'
'Who's put you up to this? Was it your mam…or my mam?'
'What? No, neither… I can think for myself Aaron!'
The younger man was already at the door.
'Really? Coz I don't remember you saying stupid things like that before you were paralyzed!' He shouted across the room, avoiding all eye contact as he did so.
'Aaron!'
Aaron lowered both the tone and volume of his voice.
'I've got work.' With that, he slammed the front door behind him.
'Aaron! Aaron!'
