Title: The List.

Continuity: Anytime between 'Casino Night' (Season Two's last episode) and 'Gay Witch Hunt' (Season Three's first episode.)

Song: 'Real Love', by Regina Spektor. (Fragment.)

Feedback: Of course, reviews are great.

Warning/Comments: Slightly A/U. Drabble. Pam's POV.


All my little plans and schemes,
lost like some forgotten dream.
Seems like all I really was doing…
was waiting for you.

Pam Beesly was usually an organized, responsible and mature person. A person who planned her life and then followed that plan, and that way nothing unexpected ever happened. Pam Beesly was a person who had a simple, predictable life, even if just a bit monotonous.

Until the day she met Jim Halpert.

Now she couldn't believe what she had done. She couldn't believe what had become of her life. The feelings of guilt and sadness overwhelmed her, and the memories of the events that had taken place months ago kept torturing her all the time. She wouldn't show how shattered she was inside; but she certainly was.

She couldn't forget him (after all, she was in love with him and there was no use in denying it) and she couldn't forget what she had done, because her mind, always so used to file and organize, had created a mental list of all her mistakes, a list that had become the first of her thoughts when she woke up and the last before she fell asleep.

It was the same routine every day. Waking up, thinking about him and the list (Mistake Number One: falling in love with my best friend without noticing it); having breakfast while thinking about himand the list (Mistake Number Two: not realizing that he was in love with me as well); going to work, sitting on her desk all day, pretending interest on Michael's daily crazy idea, thinking about him and the list (Mistake Number Tree: breaking Jim's heart by being engaged to another man); finishing with work, driving home, thinking about him and the list (Mistake Number Four: loving Jim more than my fiancé); having dinner alone, pretending to watch television while actually thinking about him and the list (Mistake Number Five: kissing Jim at Casino Night and then rejecting him);putting on her pajamas and going to sleep, still thinking about himand the list (Mistake Number Six: breaking my engagement to Roy and his heart at the same time); spending hours laying awake thinking about him and the list (Mistake Number Seven: letting Jim go without doing anything to stop him.) And the next day would be exactly the same.

The only thing that kept her breathing, living and functioning as an almost normal person despite the heavy burden of her mistakes was the tiny hope that maybe someday she would see himagain and be able to apologize for what she had done, and hopefully he would forgive her. The possibility of having him back, even just as a friend, was her biggest dream. And so every day, every time she remembered the list, she thought about that possibility, and she found it a bit easier to breath, live and function as an almost normal person.

Yes, Pam Beesly was usually an organized, responsible and mature person. A person who planned her life and then followed that plan, and that way nothing unexpected ever happened. Pam Beesly was a person who had a simple, predictable life, even if just a bit monotonous. And she usually didn't make big mistakes.

Until the day she met Jim Halpert.

But she loved him, and deep down inside, nothing else mattered to her.