I writhe around on the floor, my teeth clamping down on my lip so hard I can taste blood. All around me I can hear cheering but I will not give them the satisfaction of hearing me scream. I become rigid as the pain ends.

"Perhaps you are now more persuaded to answer my questions now?" I groan but say nothing. At this I hear another angry crutiatus being aimed at me and I feel my ribs being kicked. Suddenly I feel myself being dragged and my head I tilted back. As I look in to the deranged face of Bellatrix Lestrange I feel my heart sink. She smiles I feel my mouth being opened. I try to close if but she is too strong, several rounds of crutiatus means I am weak. I am not even sure if I am sane anymore. I can taste a liquid slowly sliding down my throat and in a last attempt I try to spit it back out. It's too late.

The viscous liquid almost chokes me and then swiftly I swallow and it's gone. For a few seconds nothing happens and I hold my breath. My whole body prickles and I shiver. All of a sudden, my nerves begin to burn and I cannot help myself, I scream and arch my body. I cannot remember ever being in so much pain. My mind starts to wander and I feel as if I am embarking on a new journey. I clamp my occlumency shields down and return to the present. I am determined to stay sane. The pain stops and I see the dark lord walk over to me.

"Severus, my traitorous death eater. I am so disappointed. I had enormous plans for you, you could have been great". He comes closer and leans over so his face is close to mine. "but you had to go and betray me didn't you". He raises his voice; "YOU WENT RUNNING TO THE MUGGLE LOVING FOOL DIDN'T YOU!" I shut my eyes as I feel the next bout of pain. I hear a muttered disrobing spell under someone's breath and the next thing I feel is a whip against my back and legs. Each strike is agony and I begin the count the blows in the hope that this will keep me from sinking in to the realms of unconsciousness. Suddenly my mind clears. The portkey. The first time I returned to the Dark Lord after declaring my loyalty to Albus Dumbledore he gave me a gift. A pendant that he told me was a portkey.

"If you ever need me Severus, just say. The pendant will find me." Years later he told me the pendant had been his when he was young, he had never had to use it but it had been passed down over generations, along with the legend that if a person was in great need and desperation, it would help. When I realised how much it meant to him I went to give it back, but by then I considered Albus a father and he had begun to treat me as a son. He refused to accept it back, considering my need greater than his.

I bring my arm up to my chest and grab the pendant; I was surprised the dark lord hadn't removed it. Perhaps he couldn't? I thought desperately of how much I need Albus and then suddenly the world shifted underneath me and I could hear the shrieks of the dark lord for the death eaters to stop me going. Nothing mattered anymore, for I was spinning further and further away from the voices. I land hard against something and hear a panicked voice. I open my eyes to find Albus leaning over me.

"Severus! What happened?" I look around to see a worried looking Albus hurry off towards the fire place. I hear him calling in to the fire before dashing back over to me. He lays his cloak over me, covering my completely exposed lower body much to my appreciation. Albus is aware of how much I hate being exposed. He strokes my hair gently and murmurs calming words to me.

I begin to talk. "Albus he kno..." he interrupts. "It is unimportant. Tell me whatever news when you are healed". I hear Poppy come through the fire and hurry over to me. She waves her wand, running diagnostic spells at a swift pace. I am mortified to be this exposed in front of her, even though she is a mediwitch. If it wasn't for Albus' cloak I would be completely bare. Thanks to magic it is quite easy for Poppy to examine me without forcing a complete physical. At the begging of each year all the members of staff are required to have a health check, with me being mortified so easily I always choose the option of a magical scan.

Poppy finally looks up. "He will be fine Albus. He has some nasty welts on his back, bottom and legs but they can be healed with a salve. His nerve damage is severe but luckily he has already got some anti-crutiatus potions brewed. He will need to take them for a few days and try to do as little as possible." She then looks at me.

"You are very lucky to be alive Sev. We almost lost you!" I can see tears in her eyes and much to my embarrassment I feel my own eyes filling up also. It's nice to know how much she values me; most of my colleagues cannot see past the compulsory spy farce of me being such a bastard. She hugs me gently, all professionalism forgotten. "I know how shy you are so I will leave you in Albus' capable hands. Rest assured I will be coming to check up on you in a few hours!" She then goes straight to the infirmary and quickly comes back with a jar of healing salve and several doses of the anti-crutiatus potion. After one final careful embrace she retreats back to her chambers.

Albus comes to my side and helps me stand. I am shaking so much he is supporting the majority of my weight. I drag the cloak up with me, to keep me covered. We slowly make our way towards to the bathroom where Albus spells the bath full. I look at him, my face shocked.

"Sorry Sev, but I need to make sure none of cuts still have dirt in them. Its unavoidable". My face goes red as he gently moves the cloak away and lowers me in to the water. I hiss as it begins to sting. I can feel my face burning but Albus ignores it. He carefully avoids looking at the front of my body, for which I am very grateful. After a few minutes he helps me out again and casts a drying spell. He helps me over to the bed and I lie down on my front.

He applies the salve carefully but I still wince; the wounds throb excruciatingly as he gently rubs it in. To my shame I feel tears cascading down my face and before I can stop it a sob escapes as I realise how close I was to death. The death eaters would have tortured me to insanity before killing me. I feel Albus finish applying the cream and help me into pyjamas. He then pulls me to his chest but I struggle to pull away. Yet his arm is like a manacle pinning me to him and I finally fall against him sobbing. I hear him transfigure his robes into nightclothes and he pulls me in to his giant bed with him. I am far too tired to be embarrassed and I begin to fall asleep as he runs his fingers through my hair in a gentle rhythm. I realise that the only reason I am still sane is that I knew I had something to come back for. As I think of Albus, the only real father I have ever known I smile, and drift off into a peaceful sleep despite the terrors of the night.