Disclaimer: I do not own degrassi, nor any of the characters. I love the show, though!

Title: Too Far to Turn Back

Summary: After Sean leaves for Wasega - Emma and Jay form a relationship. It's unstable, but it's still something. Months later, Sean returns. What happens next? (EmJay and Eman fanfic)


"At least let me give you a ride home." Jay smiled looking at Emma.

Emma shifter her wight to her right leg and then crossed her arms. She already felt stupid for what she did with Jay in the van. This wasn't even the first time - it's been multiple times. In the past weeks. In the past few weeks since Sean has left Emma's made choices that she never in her right mind thought she would.

Jay kept smiling, "So?" He waited for Emma to reply, but she was too far in deep thought, "It's a ride home... I promise. No games." He said snapping Emma out of her haze.

"I can walk." Emma began to walk past Jay.

He stopped in front of her, "Whoa... there's a full moon, and dangerous boys out there... you know, lurking in the ravine." He said as he slowly put his hand on her shoulder, "I wouldn't want anyone to hurt my favorite player." He said slowly in a mysterious voice.

Emma was more than disgusted by what he just said and pushed his hand away. She began to walk off. Jay followed her.

"Good, my cars this way." Jay tried to keep up with her fast pace, "I'm starting to feel used." He laughed. Emma just ignored him and continued walking.

Jay noticed Emma's eyes tear up, "Em.... I was just kidding. Even if you were using me, I wouldn't care" He still dind't get any words to come from Emma's mouth, "Ok... so that didn't sound right..."

Emma stopped walking and quickly turned to Jay, "Don't call me Em... Call me nature girl... I don't care..." She tried to look away from Jay.

"Let me give you a ride home." He sounded a bit sincere, but if he was, it was only because he felt bad for her.

Emma stood looking around for a moment and then got into his car. The whole entire car ride was completey silent. Neither of them talked to each other. There was the constant occasion when Jay would look over at Emma, but she was so clsoed up that she wouldn't let anything disturb her deep concentration on thinking.

Emma sat in Jay's car waiting to get home. Her arms were crossed and it was almost as if she was sitting in the corner trying to hide, except she was in the passenger seat, staring out of the window as tree's and unfamiliar houses passed by. The car stopped in front of her house. Emma gave one last look to Jay and then opened her door to get out. Jay opened his door and got out but leaned on his car and looked out at Emma as she began to get out of his car.

"So..." He said. Emma stood looking at him, "Tomorrow?"

Regardless of the fact that EVERY outing with Jay was quite similar to this - filled with emotional breakdown's and regret - then why couldn't Emma resist?

"Yeah. Same time... don't tell anyone." Emma slowly turned to walk away. She pusher her hair back behind her ear.

"I think I know the rules by now..." Jay laughed and went back into his car and drove off.

Emma sat at the edge of her bed as tears slowly flowed down her cheeks. She layed her head down on her pillow. She tried her best to fall asleep, but she just couldn't do it. Flashbacks of the things she and Jay have done with each other rang in her thoughts. Not every night was like this, after being with Jay. Sometimes she could easily go home, no regrets. Other times she felt like it was the end of the world. Regardless of how she felt at the end of the day, she knew it was mistake. Endless nights of crying herself to sleep. This isn't how she pictured her life. Sex games with Jay wasn't what she expected with her life either.

WIth grades slightly slipping, Emma was still succeeding in school. The drop in grades was noticable, but it could easily hide behing the fact that this has been a tough year for her. School shooting. Watching Sean leave. No one could expect Emma to be spending her nights with Jay. No one knew. No one expected it. No one was to know. Especially not Alex, Jay's girlfriend.

By day Jay was with Alex... then at night, his time went to Emma. Alex worked nights, so it all seemed to work out.

Thoughts of Sean were slowly slipping. Emma rarely thought of him- or maybe she was just denying the fact that he was gone. Whatever was going through Emma's mind, was for only Emma to know. She had separated herself from the world. The closest thing in Emma's life now was her confusing relationship with Jay... which she felt was wrong, but couldn't resist. It was like an addicition. While Ashley and Craig had their music, JT and Liberty had the school play, Manny had Spinner, Spike and Snake had Jack to tend to, Ellie had her cutting (she supposedly stopped...) who was left for Emma, she thought.

By the time she finished all this thinking, her alarm went off.

"Em! You're late!" Emma heard her mom yelling at her.

Emma got up and got ready to leave for school. She passed by her mom to leave for school.

Her mom glared at her, "Third time in two weeks... Emma, I'm worried about you."

Emma continued walking out of the house carelessly, "Whatever." She slammed the door behind her.

Emma walked into Media Immersion class incredibly late. She had the look of complete annoyance on her face. She looked like she was ready to yell at the world.

Mr. Simpson noticed her enter class, "Nice of you to join us Emma."

JT laughed, "Don't you guys live in the same house? Except you were here an hour ago, and Emma's 32 mintues late for class."

"Shut up JT." Emma rolled her eyes and then sat down. She felt all eyes on her, "So? Didn't class start?" She snapped.

Snake tried to avoid her snippity attitude, "Emma... please.. do welcome Sean back to our class." This brought the look of death on her face.

"Sean." She said as a statement, not a question. She slowly turned her seat and saw Sean about 5 seats behind her. He looked at her and gave her a small smile. Emma slowly looked at the ground and turned back to the front.

Mr. Simpson continued on with class.

Emma didn't know how to react. She never thought she'd see him again.... at least not this soon. If she was ever going to see him ,she thought she would have to visit him at Wasega. This definitely caught her off guard. In the remainder of class all her thoughts were of what she was going to do. How she was going to talk to him. What the would talk about. Did he know about herself and Jay? What was he doing back in Degrassi? She didn't turn around once during the rest of class time.

Sean glanced over at Emma few times, hoping she would turn around. But not one look came from her.

Once the bell rang, Emma flew out of class in a hurry.


A/N: This is my first real Emma fic. So we'll see how it goes. Please Read and Review if you'd like me to continue!