Some Sort of Peace
By: Miya
E-MAIL: violetsilver@edsamail.com.ph
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. I am not the evil genius the Joss Whedon is.
SPOILERS: Major for "The Gift", slight for "There's No Place Like Plrtz Glurb".
SUMMARY: Angel's POV on her death. My version on it anyway.
A/N: Do you notice that ever since "The Gift" aired, more of these angsty tearjerker stuff comes out? Just wondering. Like it of love it. Tell me.
RATING: Way, way, G. But angsty.
Now, do I have to remind you? FEEDBACK!
I stared at Willow. Her face was grief-stricken and tired. But her eyes. Her eyes told me everything. It meant that my truelove was gone. "It's Buffy." I say quietly. "No. She can't be dead. I don't feel her dead. Even in another dimension I should feel her." Cordelia was crying; she went to me and held me. I shoved her away. I faced Willow. "How?" she collected herself, wiped the tears from her eyes. "She saved the world again Angel. She died saving Dawn. She died so Dawn can live." How ironic. She died so her sister can live, like the way I gave up humanity, in an essence die again, so that she can live. A lot of good that did. I lost all my composure and fell to the floor. I know she's dead. They tell me so. But I don't feel that her soul is gone. She's just somewhere else.
That happened last night. I stayed in my room for a whole week, sometimes crying, sometimes just staring. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to be alone.
The next week, I planned on doing the same. Shutting myself in my room, until Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Fred talked to me. Well more like shouted at me to go out. I know Buffy's death hurt them, most especially Cordy and Wes, but I suppose it hurt them more to see me grieving like this. It isn't fair. We got into a shouting match. Them telling me to either get over it or do something about it. Me telling them to leave me alone. To let me cry over her death. Her death that I know should've never happened had I been there. Her death that I know is wrong, because I don't feel her dead.
In the end, I gave up and did what they wanted me to do all along. Go to Sunnydale. Visit her grave. Gain some sort of peace. So now here I am in Sunnydale. Looking for her grave. I made my way around the cemetery somehow just knowing where it is. I stop at a grave.
BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS
FRIEND, SISTER, DAUGHTER
SHE SAVED THE WORLD
A LOT
Fresh tears started to fall once more. Buffy, my love. My life. Her gravestone making it look as if she really is dead. Maybe she is. But her soul isn't. I crumple and fall to the ground. My tears dropping to the soil. "Why? Why do you have to die?" I shout to the skies. I knew no one would answer. I know that eventually she would die, and the Powers That Be would not explain to me why, but my pain over-rode my common sense.
I curl up at her grave and cried. Cried until it was nearly dawn. I was tempted to stay, to let the sun kill me, so that I could be with her. Wherever she is. But a tiny but beautiful voice kept telling me to go. Telling me that I cannot die. Because if I did, I would lose my chance to be with her. It kept telling me that she would come back. Back to the world, to her family and her friends. Back to me.
