Looking back, he wasn't quite sure, exactly, why he'd done it.

Granted, he'd had quite a bit of punch in him and, ergo-thanks to Prongs-quite a bit of firewhiskey, but he was usually able to hold his liquor impeccably well-for a teenaged boy, he supposed-so he had ruled out the effects of alcohol

He was usually a good deal more apt to do these sorts of things around the full moon, the week before to be specific. But, the full moon had passed four days prior and, though he was quite sore, he could give very little credit to the moon for his actions.

Perhaps it had just been the atmosphere of the place. He wasn't usually very enthusiastic about school dances, but something about the Yule ball seemed just so…infectious. The great hall had been decked out in its entire yuletide splendor, if not a touch more elegant than usual, and the mood in the room practically oozed holiday cheer, but not in an overdone or forced sort of way. Everyone would be leaving for Christmas holiday the day following tomorrow so, in a way, it was the last time they'd see each other before break as tomorrow would be filled with nothing but packing and brewing hangover potions. But even the atmosphere could not be blamed for Remus' behavior that night.

No it was not the alcohol or moon or some gut-feeling that anything was possible, because he certainly did not have the last one. It was Sirius, as it usually was when Remus mused over the beginnings of most of his problems. It was Sirius who had befriended him and led to his eventual "outing" of his lycanthropy. It was Sirius who had shown him how fun pranking could be and helped him defile his perfect school record. It was Sirius who had almost let him kill a man; it was Sirius who had worked his way back into Remus' heart by reminding him he shouldn't be ashamed or afraid or resented purely because he was a werewolf. And it was Sirius who had been standing off to the side, slouched gracefully against the wall in the darkest corner of the great hall, looking far too handsome for his own good.

Remus had long ago come to terms with the fact that he was gay. He always had been, always would be and he doubted very highly that he could either control or change that fact. What he thought he could control though had been who was subject to the effects of that fact. None of his friends knew he was gay, though he didn't make an effort to conceal it nor indulge it so they technically had no hints either way and, based on his apparent taste in men, he intended to keep it that way until he got his feelings under control. Unfortunately, he had found that no matter how hard one tries, it is very difficult not to like Sirius Black.

It was also a bit painful to hide at times, but this was a necessary evil, driven home yet again as he watched the un-ebbing flow of girls that made their way over to Sirius to be chatted up and then dismissed, feeling as if they had almost scored with the famed player. Remus scoffed at their naivety as they departed, giggling and marveling at their "luck" to have caught the great Sirius Black without a conversation partner. However, he then evaluated himself-slumped at a table on the opposite side of the great hall, lonely, and making no effort to enjoy himself at all except by taking the occasional sip of his spiked beverage. Realizing he had no reason to judge they who were actually taking advantage of the aforementioned factors-and that he really should be scoffing at his own foolishness-he downed the rest of his punch in one gulp and rose to totter drunkenly over to the punch bowl, which rested on a table conveniently close to Sirius' corner.

Of course, deep down Remus knew that if any night were the night to confess to his friend, tonight would be it. Though he knew he would be alone for the next two weeks with Sirius due to the holidays, he also knew that he could retreat to the library and hide for the remainder of the break if all did not go well. Sirius would also be well distracted by his feelings for his family around this time of year, as he had only been disowned last year, in their fifth year at Hogwarts. So he likely might ever forget that Remus had said anything to him regarding feelings at all.

Right as he reached the punch bowl, the newest song by the Twisted Sisters came on courtesy of their DJ, and Sirius' cloud of girls rushed, squealing, to the dance floor. Despite a few misplaced attempts, Sirius was not dragged unceremoniously along with them as Remus had expected and instead, crossing his arms in the carefree way that always made Remus' heart flutter, grinned and chuckled as he watched them all dance and sing along eagerly.

Something about finally seeing Sirius alone made something in Remus just completely quit working properly, which was the only excuse he had for what he did next. He wished he could look back and say Sirius had searched the crowd and his eyes locked on Remus', beckoning him to the secluded corner, but he didn't. he also wished he had been just a squick more drunk, and could have passed it off as Christmas spirit, augmented by alcohol. Or maybe just passed out in general. But he didn't.

Instead, as he watched Sirius watching them, his buzzed mind burned with jealously and he strode purposefully-to the best of his ability-over to his friend. Sirius didn't even notice his approach until he was less than five yards away, and he looked up in a way that wasn't quite disappointed, but maybe a bit worried though definitely not cheery. "Something I can help you with, mate?" he asked in a tone that Remus could almost describe as motherly. He ignored the question though and walked right up to Sirius, clasping his face in his hands and crushing their lips together. Sirius didn't gasp in surprise, though he subconsciously opened his mouth into the kiss, complying with Remus' demands. Though he wasn't pulling away in disgust, Remus also noticed that he wasn't necessarily returning the kiss either. Remus pulled away and dropped his hands, surveying the look on Sirius' face.

Though he was usually very good at reading expressions, this one was so muddled that he couldn't even begin to fathom Sirius' feelings at the moment. It was mainly shock, obviously, but it also amused to see serious Remus looking so disheveled. But Sirius' countenance was so close to falling, like a man teetering on the edge of a cliff, not yet sure whether he should jump or not, that Remus knew he'd made a mistake. He knew exactly what the expression would fall to if Sirius let his guard down: disgust.

Just then, the song ended and the gaggle of girls began to make their way back over to Sirius, so Remus did all he could think of; he fled. He didn't even wait long enough to hear if Sirius was calling for him to come back; he didn't care. Though no one had seen, thank Merlin, he was thoroughly humiliated and doubted he would be able to look Sirius evenly in the eye for the next few weeks, perhaps months, maybe years. He sprinted all the way back to the Gryffindor common room and didn't slow until he had reached the landing outside the Marauders' shared dorm. He rushed in and prepared for bed as quickly as humanly-or inhumanly, he supposed-possible before crawling into bed and snapping the curtains shut around him. Curling into a ball under his covers, he prayed the others would leave him alone and tried to be as small as possible, though he doubted it would make him any harder to find.

After about a half hour had passed, all three remaining marauders stumbled into the dorm, Peter and Sirius supporting a very drunk James by the sounds of their labored wheezing and his mindless babbling, followed by the groan of his bed springs as he was flung onto his bed. James was faintly singing some love song or another, though it was hardly recognizable except that Remus could occasionally make out various lyrics about loving Lily every now and then. The other two chuckled at their friend before shuffling off to their respective beds.

"I guess Moony turned in early as usual, eh, Sirius?" Peter joked. Sirius made a startled sound that he just barely contained before clearing his throat and replying, "Yeah, uhm, he came up to me a while ago. Said he was bored, tired, wanted to study, still sore from the full moon y'know. The works." All this came out as a jumbled mess, though Peter didn't seem to notice. "We should probably quiet down y'know, so he can sleep. He needs his rest and we all do y'know? And all the other Gryffindors are trying to sleep as well. And James is already asleep so we should follow his lead or we might wake him up. And Remus." It was easy to tell Sirius was shaken, and judging by the silence he knew Peter was probably giving him a funny look.

"Are you all right, Padfoot?" he asked after a long pause. "What? Yes I'm fine, just a bit tired and all. We should quiet dow-" "Sirius I wasn't talking, don't tell me to quiet down again." "Oh, right. I was just-" "Goodnight, Sirius" Remus heard Sirius sigh nervously before replying, "Goodnight, Peter" he heard the faint squeak of bed springs and they settled in, and then silence.

Before long he heard the loud and drunken snores of Peter and James. Though Sirius didn't normally snore, Remus could still tell he was awake and knew Remus was awake and knew that Remus knew both of these things. He could practically feel Sirius' eyes trying to bore holes in the drapes surrounding Remus' bed. He sighed and rolled over so that his back faced Sirius. Sirius was never like this, never so flustered and bad at lying, and Remus knew without a doubt there was a reckoning coming for him once James and Peter left for the holiday.