"Away Too Long"


I don't own any characters blah etc. This fic is set 20 years on from current situation. It's definitely going to be a series - just a matter of seeing how it develops I guess.
Feedback, as always, to fiona_wark@hotmail.com.

She sat alone in her office, considering as she had many times before dialling the number she thought she'd lost years ago. He wouldn't still be there. He wouldn't remember her even if he was. She swept her blonde hair behind her ear and swallowing hard she picked up the receiver. Her shaking fingers dialled, and before she knew it it was ringing.
"ER, how can I help?"
"Yeah...umm....is Carter there?"
Anna stuttered over her words. What if he was? What did she actually want to say? Sorry for messing you around, I'm lonely and nostalgic now, help. She didn't know. The voice on the other end called out.
"John, it's for you,"
"Who is it?"
She hadn't heard that voice in 20 years but it hadn't changed.
"Didn't say,"
"Give me a sec,"
"Hold on,"
The voice spoke to her again. The bustle was evident even on the phone. It had always been organised chaos. A sudden realisation hit.
"Randi, is that you?"
How stupid did she feel? What if it wasn't?
"How do you know? Who is this?"
"Randi, it's Anna,"
"God, how long has it been? How the hell are you?"
"Fine, you?"
"Can't complain,"
Randi was interrupted. There were raised whispers before Randi spoke again.
"Superdoc will speak to you now,"
Anna heard the receiver being passed over.
"Hello,"
"Carter, hi,"
He sounded as stunned to hear from her as Randi was.
"Anna?!?"
"Yeah, it's me,"
"It's been...how long? How are you?"
"20 years, hon, and I'm O.K,"
He sounded as nervously excited as she felt.
"You?"
"Yeah, I'm good,"
He didn't sound sure. She picked up on it easily. It was as if they had never been apart.
"You want something specific,"
"Only to catch up,"
Loneliness pervaded her tone. If she knew it she knew he would. She continued anxiously.
"I'm coming to Chicago for a lecture soon, maybe we could meet up,"
"We have to, don't you mean?"
She smiled sadly in the darkness.
"It's Tuesday next week, pretty much all day,"
She was trying to worm her way out of a corner. Too much, too fast.
"Come over for dinner,"
"I wouldn't want to impose,"
"Anna, I will not hear of you not....."
She scrabbled for a pen and scribbled the address he gave her on a piece of paper.
"I'm looking forward to it."
She spoke the truth.
"Bye,"
He rung off, distracted by medical matters before she had a chance to say it too. She sat listening to the tone for a few seconds, dazed. A figure in the doorway broke her reverie.
"Dr Del Amico, you're needed downstairs,"
She rose and exited, her mind firmly focused on next Tuesday.
*****
Looking every inch the elegant professional, she stood on his doorstep in the cold Illinois night, too scared to knock. She had aged well, kept her figure. She looked good, there was nothing to worry about. Summoning all the courage she had, she lifted the heavy knocker and let if fall against the shiny black paintwork. Minutes later, she was greeted by an over enthusiastic Carter, who still looked as boyish as he ever had. She was ushered into the hallway. It was cosy, atmospheric. Still nervy, she proffered the bottle of wine she'd chosen to bring. She was suddenly aware she didn't belong here. It didn't feel right. She resisted the urge to turn and run, instead meeting her fear head on.
"Good choice,"
He said, taking it from her and examining the label. He walked through into the kitchen, gesturing her to follow him. Hanging her jacket on the rack in the hallway and straightening her cardigan, Anna walked with apparent confidence into the kitchen.
"Interesting lecture?"
He asked animatedly, placing a glass in front of her.
"Not really, I think I fell asleep,"
"That's not the right attitude now is it?"
"Why would you want to sit for 3 hours listening to some fuddy-duddy in a tweed cardi ramble endlessly about the dynamics of a modern paediatric unit?"
"You haven't changed have you?"
No, it was true, she considered his point. Scarily enough she hadn't.
"So how was your day? Better than mine?"
She deflected attention away from herself. He contemplated his answer a second.
"Oh, fantastic. When is emergency medicine ever anything else?"
The sarcasm was biting and relatively unfamiliar.
"I interviewed for Chief of Staff today. That's the next rung on my ladder,"
"That's great,"
"Sure. I mean, I don't think I got it,"
Same old Carter, always the least confident in his abilities.
"Oh, have faith,"
"Well, apart from being bored today, how are you? I mean, really? What you up to these days?"
"I'm eternally busy. I run the paediatrics department in Philadelphia's main hospital now. It has the usual perks - plush office, days off like this but I make up for it in paperwork. Sometimes, I don't think I'm a doctor anymore,"
She laughed nervously, Carter looked like he understood what she was talking about though. It was stressful, running a department. She'd learned to appreciate why Weaver had always been so narky.
"Been there, done that,"
The timer on the oven interrupted their conversation but she still had about a million questions floating around in her head. As soon as he served a magnificent meal and sat back down, she took a gentle sip of her wine and began to relax.
"So how is the old ER? Everyone still going strong?"
"Not really. I'm the only one left, apart from Randi, that you'd remember. Carol left, after having beautiful girl twins, to live with Doug in Seattle. That's a long story in itself. They're happily married. Mark left for Phoenix, sick of city living following a health scare, 15 years ago now. He married Susan, as we all know he would, and they have a child, David, now 9. Kerry's in private practice in Aurora now, loving it, she's quietened down quite a bit. Lizzie returned to Britain when her father fell ill, Benton moved to Mount Sinai about a year ago to continue an interest in transplant surgery. Rees is with Carla in Toronto. Jeanie remarried and moved to Atlantic City but fell ill with AIDS very soon after. She had one adopted son, who let the hospital know she died last week,"
"Oh,"
"The staff now are wonderful too. Dave, Luka, Abby, Anne, they're great. Some of them arrived just after you left,"
"All change then,"
"And don't I feel left behind? How's Max doing?"
She sensed it was reluctant question.
"Max died, John, about 3 years back. Stomach cancer."
"Sorry,"
"I'm O.K with it now. It was hard at the time, what with the divorce as well...."
"Divorce? You married him?"
"I did, more fool me,"
"I never thought you'd marry...Kids?"
"As a doctor? Are you kidding?"
"Career lady I assume,"
"And self-confessed single gal. I'm loving it,"
"I can see. It suits you. Before you ask, I'm not and I never have been. There hasn't been anyone I've loved enough, especially not after Lucy,"
She sighed, relieved but slightly hurt it hadn't been her name. She questioned herself over the hurt, why was she still bothered?
"Lucy?"
She questioned, seeing the nostalgia in his eyes. She could still read him like a book.
"She was a med student, maybe 18 years ago or so,"
"She ran off into the sunset with your best friend, broke your heart?"
Anna tried to lighten the moment but quickly saw than this was no laughing matter and felt a little stupid.
"She was killed,"
Anna's hand flew to her mouth. She wanted to cry for her old friend, before realising he'd probably cried enough for himself.
"I had no idea,"
"I fell apart at the seams. A patient knifed her and me, leaving us for dead. Only I pulled through and she didn't. It was hell."
Anna wanted to say she could imagine or that she understood but she didn't, couldn't. She sat silent, stunned, watching and listening on.
"I would have called but it didn't seem right. Weaver, Benton and Greene forced me into rehab and I sorted my life out. Somehow it's never been the same without her,"
"Rehab?"
"Ironically, being as it's you I'm talking to, it was a painkiller addiction. Now I understand all that Chase and Max went through and it isn't easy. You can't see the damage you're doing, can't see the harm in lying to those who are trying to help, those who care about you,"
He went through all that alone and never called. She would have been more that glad to try and help. It hurt him even now. He was successful, financially secure for the first time in his life but she sensed he was unfulfilled. There was a hole in his life. She knew what that felt like. Since Max had died, leaving her pregnant and alone it had been so hard. She'd miscarried a month after he left. It was a girl. Her daughter. She had plunged headlong into succeeding at work, helping others, ignoring her instincts, ignoring the part of her that yearned for a partner, that longed to be loved. That was why she'd called. She was 47 years old, an emotional wreck and she had decided it was time to stop running and do something about her life.
"You should have called,"
"Anna, you had your own life, your own problems, I'm still here aren't I?"
"Yeah, but..."
"And you're here now, which I am so pleased about. I missed you,"
Her heart screamed the same thing right back at him. They had been such good friends and so much more. She'd run from that, let their connection die.
"Me too,"
"Why did we leave it this long?"
"Crazy isn't it? I was scared,"
"Scared?"
"Scared you wouldn't want to know any more. Scared that you'd found a replacement. We didn't exactly part on the best of terms did we?"
"Forgive and forget, A, I did, I got over it and assumed you did too, plunging headlong into my next life tragedy,"
He laughed but it was a cold, hollow, lonely laugh. She stopped dead, not knowing how to respond.