AN: After the events of Eclipse, Bella realised that she needed freedom from Edward and her life in Forks. She moved to England for university but after four years, it's now time to return to Washington. She is forced to make some difficult choices as she reunites with Edward and Jacob and has to escape yet again from the Volturi.
Warning: This story will be extremely fluffy and gooey. It is also rated M. Enjoy :)
Chapter One:
"We feel free when we escape - even if it be but from the frying pan to the fire."
"I know I ran away, ok? I knew that from the second I stepped on the plane and left my whole world behind and I know that it wasn't the first time either. When I left mom and Phil and moved to Forks, that was different – I was putting myself into a kind of exile to try and make their lives better – or easier – without having me around. But coming here wasn't like that. My decision to come here was for me – I had to just get away from it all. I couldn't have achieved anything if I'd stayed there. I just needed a change."
"There is nothing wrong with change if it's in the right direction."
I looked up. I'd been speaking for so long that I had nearly forgotten about the soft-spoken woman who sat across from me, clipboard resting on her knee, a ballpoint pen dangling from her fingers. She gazed at me with steady brown eyes over the rim of frameless glasses, and as usual I felt that I was being x-rayed. She was sitting in a high-backed leather chair opposite me on the soft brown suede couch.
The first time I'd been in this room I'd wondered whether I was supposed to lie down on it, as people seemed to do in the movies. The material had looked so soft and comfortable I was sure if I lay down, I would have fallen asleep. Instead, I'd kicked off my sneakers and tucked my legs under me, curling up against the armrest. I was sitting in the same position now, a half-cup of tea cold in my hand.
"I think I'm going to go back."
ooo
I pulled my cardigan a little tighter around me as I left my therapist's office, and stepped out onto the busy London sidewalk. My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket, rolling my eyes when I saw the 5 missed calls from Charlie. I knew I shouldn't have emailed him yesterday letting him know of my plans to return the States; he hadn't stopped calling and messaging since.
Everything had started about 3 months ago, when I had been stacking shelves with big dusty volumes at the University Library – I had been working there since the last year of my undergrad – and my boss had appeared from around the stacks.
She leaned casually against the bookshelf and let out a rather world-weary sigh. She was very tall and thin, and her eyeglasses always rested precariously on the tip of her long nose. She was the stereotypical image of a librarian, a few books tucked under her arm and a piece of paper clutched in her gnarled hands.
"I wish we could keep you on, Bella, but with the educational budget cuts…" she trailed off and looked guiltily at me.
"It's alright," I reassured her, dusting my hands on my ratty jeans. "I'll find something else, I'm sure."
"You know the UK job market is shocking at the moment. You'd have a better time of it if you returned to the US."
I shrugged. "Maybe. I kinda like it here though."
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Your dad rang about half an hour ago."
"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" I slammed the dusty book down onto my trolley, and turned to apologise. "I am so sorry! I told him not to call me at work unless it's an absolute emergency."
She shrugged. "It's ok, Bella. I just get the feeling that he misses you." She handed me the piece of paper that she had been clutching. "Look, I found this for you online. I called them up already and recommended you. A change of scenery would probably do you some good."
It was my turn to shrug now and I looked down at the printout, thinking she'd probably found me a job as a school librarian in some remote town I was unlikely to ever want to visit. However, as the words on the page registered, I gasped in surprise.
"You have got to be kidding me, Cheryl! Library Quality and Planning Manager at Seattle Public Library? I would never in a million years get a job like that."
"Listen, you have an undergrad in American History and a masters in English Literature. Plus you've been working in a library for the past 2 years. They'd be lucky to have someone like you."
I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to retort but she cut me off.
"No, don't argue. I called up the Library Director today and she sounded interested. I've written her phone number down the bottom. She's waiting for your call." And with that, she turned and shuffled away leaving me to stare at the at the job requirements in shock.
Could I really do it? Not just the job, but could I really move back? I hesitated for a moment before folding the paper in half and shoving it into my back pocket.
I'd left in such a rush once high school had finished. Out of nowhere, I had rashly accepted my offer to the University of London that Edward had forced me to apply for, packed my bags and boarded a flight to London. I hadn't even been back to America for a visit since. My visa was running out though, and unless I got a permanent job and a sponsor soon, I would have to go back.
But Seattle.
That had all taken place about 3 months ago and things sort of snowballed from there.
My therapist had been trying to get rid of me for months anyway now, claiming that I was a "perfectly functioning adult in her 20s who had resolved her issues and was ready to take on the big wide world" and today had been our last visit.
Although Dr Kopner had been stern and analytical, she'd been my security blanket since moving here.
"You are recovering from an abusive relationship," she'd informed me bluntly at the end of my first session. "Your ex- boyfriend displays the traits of narcissistic personality disorder. And these types of people typically enter into controlling and manipulative relationships."
I had gaped at her. Sure Edward had been a little protective of me, but controlling and abusive?
"Why did you leave him?" she'd asked, x-raying me over her glasses.
"I don't know," I mumbled. "I'd just sort of had enough. I just wanted a normal human – I mean, a normal teenage life. Being with him seemed to hurt a lot of people. Took me away from a lot of people." I paused and licked my lips. "I just didn't want that anymore."
"But you took yourself away from those people." She pointed out. "You left the country and your family and friends behind." It wasn't a question.
"I think…" I paused, trying to make myself admit it. "I think I just ran away…"
ooo
"I'm going to miss you Bel!" one of my flatmates, Karin, moaned as she taped up a large brown box full of kitchen appliances. She popped the cap off of the black sharpie in her hand, and in large neat letters wrote "BELLA'S CRAP" across the lid.
I scowled at her and gestured at the ten brown boxes stacked neatly by the door. "And when I arrive in Seattle, exactly how am I going to differentiate between all of these? You've written the same thing on every box."
"Oh you'll be fine, Bella, stop worrying so much." She flashed her bright smile at me and pushed a dreadlock out of her dark brown eyes. "We need to get this done by 6 anyway – the whole gang wants to take you to the pub before you fly out tomorrow."
"Fine, but it needs to be an early night - the last thing I want to do is fly with a hangover," I warned her, but grinned anyway.
"Oh do you really have to leave?" she sighed.
"My visa's running out," I replied, as one-by-one I pulled down the photos I had stuck to my walls.
"You could stay as an illegal immigrant, I wouldn't tell anyone."
I laughed, "Thanks, that's sweet."
I'd met Karin four years ago in one of my first lectures at the University of London. After taking a seat in the back row of the huge lecture theatre, I had pulled out my new binder and notebook. The night before, I had spent hours carefully dividing and labelling my new folder, excitement and fear pounding through my veins. Sitting in the cold hard chair of Lecture Theatre 5, I'd opened to the section entitled "Medieval English Literature" and took the lid off my pen. Just then, a tall dark-skinned girl with long dreadlocks pinned up under a bright orange headscarf had dropped her bag noisily on the floor and slumped into the creaky wooden seat beside me. I had smiled weakly at her then returned my attention to my brand new notebook, which I'd opened, and carefully dated the first page.
"Regretted taking this class yet?" the girl had whispered 5 minutes into the course aims as she shot me her most mischievous grin – something I'd come to recognise over the next few weeks, and soon knew was followed by trouble.
"Most definitely," I'd muttered back, ignoring the sideways glare we received from our neighbour.
"I'm Karin," she introduced herself, sticking out her hand. "I saw you in my Art History 101 class earlier."
I shook her hand. "Bella," I said, "Yeah I think I remember you." We'd compared timetables then, and she had been delighted to see we had two other classes together.
Karin had been the first of my friendship group here in London, and over the years that group had grown until I found myself living in a house with 5 wonderful people. The guilt I felt over ditching Charlie and running away from America had eased slightly as my friends in the UK became my family, and I finally felt I had a sense of purpose to my life again.
I picked up the last box of my belongings and placed it with all of the others by the door. "I think that's the lot," I said, looking around at my empty bedroom. Thinking about the friends and the life I'd made for myself here, I again wondered if it would be a mistake to go back. But then again, I told myself, I hadn't even meant to stay this long.
My cell phone rung and I glanced at the screen. Charlie was calling yet again, making sure I hadn't changed my mind and confirming again that he would be at the airport the following day to pick me up.
"Hey Dad," I said tapping the speakerphone button so I could talk to him as I tidied up my final few possessions. "What's up?
"Hi honey, just wanted to see how all the packing was going. Still catching the flight tomorrow?"
I sighed. "Yes, Charlie, I'm still catching the flight, I promise. The movers will be here this afternoon to get my boxes. They'll arrive in a week or so. If it's still ok I'll stay with you until then – until I get my stuff and figure out a place to live."
"You know you can stay as long as you want," he grunted. "No need for you to leave again so soon."
"I know, Dad. But if everything goes to plan then I'll be starting my new job next week. Three hours each way is a pretty big commute…"
He grunted into the phone, double checked my flight number and arrival time and then we hung up. My messages were flashing – another message from Renee checking that I still didn't want her coming up to Forks to welcome me back to the country.
"Honestly," I mumbled. "You'd think they hadn't seen me for years! They were only just out here at Christmas."
"They're excited," Karin replied with a shrug. "Now go get showered and dressed, we're leaving in half an hour."
ooo
The flight from London to New York City was long, dull and uncomfortable. Karin had insisted that we take the tube to the airport in order to save money on a taxi, but this had meant I arrived so late to check-in that the only remaining seat was in the middle of a row, squashed between two rather sizeable men. I glared at their pudgy hands sitting on the armrests either side of me, and crossed my arms a little tighter across my chest.
It didn't help that I was feeling distinctly hungover and I yet again cursed my friends for their insistence that I stayed for "just one more" last night. That wasn't my only regret from last night and I closed my eyes tight as I remembered my rather hasty goodbye with Henry this morning.
Henry.
What a complication. I'd tried saying goodbye to him weeks ago once I'd made the decision to return to Washington. However, the more I pushed him away, the closer he seemed to cling. Last night had been entirely my fault though, and I blamed the pints of beer my friends had plied me with all evening. One last time, I'd thought before we'd drunkenly lurched back to my place and fallen into bed together.
It wasn't that I didn't like Henry, it was just that my feelings of desire for him had never turned into anything more permanent, and I'd never been able to honestly return his professions of love. I'd almost felt sorry for him. Love? I'd wanted to say. You think this is love? I can tell you what love is, and trust me mate, this doesn't even come close. This isn't even a shadow of the love I've had.
I sighed and attempted to take control of one of my armrests. The man simply snorted in his sleep and forced me into an even more cramped position as he turned away from me.
I didn't want to think about love now. I didn't really want to think about love at all.
ooo
I laughed when I saw him. Standing outside the gate at Port Angeles Domestic airport was Charlie, holding a bunch of flowers and looking beyond eager.
"Hey Dad," I greeted him, taking the flowers from him before being enveloped in a bone-crushing hug. I breathed in the familiar scent of wood smoke and aftershave and blinked back tears as I looked up into his face. "Oh my god!" I cried out when I realised what was different. "You've been de-moustached!"
He chortled and ran his fingers over his bare lip wincing slightly at the unfamiliar feeling. "Well, I thought it was time for a change."
"Meaning Sue didn't like it?" I inquired cheekily.
"Something like that," he muttered, grabbing my bag as we made our way outside into the rain towards the cruiser.
"How are things going between you two anyway?" I pried, a smile on my face. Charlie had helped Sue out a lot after her husband's funeral. Slowly their company had turned into friendship and the friendship had developed into something more. She still lived in La Push, but I knew Charlie was down there with her most nights, enjoying her good cooking and company.
"Oh fine," he replied, his cheeks turning pink as he tried not to catch my eye. "What about you and that Henry kid?"
I shrugged. "It didn't make sense anymore. Not with me back here anyway."
Charlie just nodded, clearly uncomfortable having this conversation with his grown-up daughter. We loaded my bags into the cruiser and I cranked up the heating as soon as Charlie started the engine.
"Thought you'd be used the cold and rain after living in England."
"I think it's actually colder and rainier here," I muttered, pulling my jacket tighter around me and settling back into the seat as we made our way out onto the familiar road back to Forks.
After half an hour of comfortable silence, Charlie cleared his throat and said, "You seem happy Bella. When I saw you in England I mean. You smiled a lot and you just seemed happy."
I shrugged and remembered a conversation I'd had with Dr Kopler a few months into my sessions.
"You say you are not a happy person, Isabella," she always used my full name. "Why not?"
I couldn't really think of a good answer for this. "I don't really know. I guess I've always been a bit pessimistic. A bit of a martyr." I hadn't been able to tell her about the vampires or werewolves – that would have got me thrown into an institution for sure. "Things have just been stressful."
She'd given me some homework to do after that session – to write a list of the things I appreciated in my life. After hours of scratching things out and starting again I finally had a list of things I appreciated and was surprised to see that the list was mostly comprised of people. The first five were:
Charlie
Renee
(These two had been interchangeable as the top two on my list as I couldn't decide which I appreciated more.)
3. Jacob
4. Angela
Alice
My stomach squirmed now as I remembered number 3 on my list.
Jacob.
Dr Kopler said I employed the avoidance strategy when it came to Jacob and I couldn't help but agree with her. That was one issue that I hadn't managed to work through with my therapist and she said it would just take time.
We'd kept in touch when I first moved to the UK. He'd Skype from the local internet café when he could, and we'd make the occasional and very expensive long distance phone calls. But our conversations were either depressing when we talked about how much we missed each other, or light and awkward when we tried to avoid the subject. In the end, we stopped phoning, and soon the emails became less frequent until I woke up one day and realised that it had been a year since we'd been in touch. Charlie often kept me in the loop about the Blacks and what they'd been up to, but as I'd stopped asking, he'd stopped telling me, and now I wasn't even sure where Jacob was living or what he was doing.
In many ways, I'd wanted to get away from the magic of it all as well. I didn't want anything to do with vampires or werewolves anymore. I wanted normalcy. And so I'd slowly cut Jacob out, trying to ignore the twisting guilt in my stomach whenever I remembered him.
Angela and I still wrote weekly emails to each other, and I was delighted to hear about her life. Amazingly, she and Ben had stuck together through the first few years at university and he had proposed midway through their 3rd year while on Christmas break. Although she'd asked me to come out for the wedding, I couldn't afford the trip, but had looked through her photos on Facebook. She'd been a stunning bride and only last week had told me they were now expecting their first child. I couldn't have been happier for her.
I kept in touch with Alice sporadically, enjoying hearing about her adventures with Jasper and the places they went to. She came and visited me in London quite a few times, although none of my housemates had particularly warmed to her. She often passed on Edward's regards, which I politely returned, although I hadn't been in touch with him directly.
As we pulled up to the house, I smiled at the familiarity of it all. Nothing had changed. The yellow window shutters still shone dully through the sheets of rain. The railing up the front steps was still broken in that same spot.
"Haven't turned my bedroom into a gym yet?" I teased Charlie as he hurried through the rain with my bag and up to the front porch.
He merely snorted and felt above the doorframe for the spare key before opening the door and letting us inside. Charlie carried my bag upstairs for me, then stood awkwardly in my doorway as I looked around my all-too familiar bedroom. Nothing had changed.
"You settle in, I'll make you a cup of tea. Want anything to eat?"
I just shook my head wanting nothing at the moment but a shower.
Over dinner that night, Charlie and I sat down with the real estate section of the newspaper, circling a bunch of rental properties in Seattle within my price range. The next few days were going to be busy viewing and applying for these different places and the thought was daunting. I wanted to live alone – never having done so before. I'd gone from living on campus to sharing a house with 5 others in London and I was ready for my own space.
I had my heart set on one place, directly opposite the park and near the water. Charlie and I made an appointment go and see that one first thing in the morning.
We looked at the car section too, seeing as my old truck had given up for good the year after I left home. I circled a small yellow 3-door Hyundai Getz, which was only a few years old, and a very good price. We'd go and have a look at that tomorrow as well.
Please review and let me know your thoughts! I promise she will catch up with Jacob soon :)
