Summary: Ever wondered how Orihime would react if Ichiruki became canon? What about Renji? Heck, what would Byakuya think?! Every character has something to say when two people get together, but not every reaction is what you'd expect. Contains multiple pairings.
Author's Note: Wow. Second Bleach fanfic already? I don't really know why I started writing this. I was just bored yesterday and after reading through a "20 questions" fanfic, I thought, "Hey, why not make something funny and fast-paced?" After finishing MOYL last month, I decided that I'd take a break from long, multi-chapter fanfics and just write something light and fun. So then this crazy idea popped into my head and here it is! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you readers will enjoy it as much!
Chapter One: Ichiruki
MiTR, the whole SS arc and rescue scenes, the "Man in my Heart speech" and turnaround scenes…their own movie – how more obvious of a pairing can you get?
--
Standing at the doorway of the Kurosaki household…
Isshin: OH, MY SON! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU'VE FINALLY GROWN UP AND BECOME A MAN!
[Runs up to hug Ichigo, but is met with a kick in the face instead and is sent sprawling across the floor]
Ichigo: Shut up, old man!
Isshin: (hoarsely) I-I see your…reflexes have gotten better!
[Rukia offers to help him up]
Rukia: (teasing) Oh, don't be so hard on him. Is that any way to treat your own father, Ichigo?
Ichigo: (under breath) Father my ass.
Isshin: Oh, Rukia! You really are my third daughter! [Places hands on her shoulders affectionately with an over-the-top smile] I'm so glad my son has finally decided to marry you—
Rukia: (wide-eyed) What?
Ichigo: (5x louder) SAY WHAT?! I never said that! Stop making things up!
[Blushes furiously and whacks Isshin upside the head]
Isshin: Oh, don't be ashamed, son! It's all part of growing up! So when are you and Rukia [smiles mischievously] you know…gonna be needing a double bed?
Ichigo: [turns fluorescent pink before punching Isshin through the walls] SHUT UP, YOU OVERGROWN PERVERT!!
Isshin: (from outside, buried beneath the bushes) I guess I better order one before midnight then!
[Ichigo fumes, while Rukia just looks up at him in confusion]
Rukia: (with a raised eyebrow) Why would you need a double bed? Your bed too small for you or something?
--
Meanwhile, in the Squad 6 barracks…
Byakuya: WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT???!!!
[Renji, who is kneeling before him, removes his earplugs]
Renji: (impressed) Wow, Captain. I don't think I've ever seen you so vocal before!
Byakuya: [glares at him] Shut up, you imbecile! Do you even know what this means?!
Renji: [thinks for a while] …That you're going to become a brother-in-law for the second time in your life?
Byakuya: NO! It means that… (trails off)
Renji: It means what? Do you hate him that much, or is it because your sister's finally found someone (aside) who isn't me?
Flashback to the moment Rukia told Renji The News:
Rukia: (hesitantly) …Ichigo and I are together now…
Renji: Really? That's great! I'm so happy for you!
Then, when she leaves, he goes home and unveils his secret stash of "Rukia and I are getting back together" announcements he was about to hand out to everyone in the Soul Society
Renji: [sighs] Guess I'm gonna have to burn all these now…
End Flashback
Renji: (muttering resentfully) Damn you, Ichigo! I found her first!
*Sob, sob*
[Renji looks up to find Byakuya buried in paperwork, sobbing on his desk]
Renji: (awkwardly) Captain Kuchiki? (thinking) Who knew this would be so heard on him? Are you alright, Captain?
Byakuya: (sobbing) No, I'm not! This means that…that I'll have to hear him call me by my first name…for the rest of my life!
--
In Karakura Town, in the middle of the sidewalk…
Chad: [turns to Uryu, who is standing next to him] Hey, bub. I guess it's just you and me now. Guess you're my new best friend.
Uryu: (flabbergasted) Say what?!
--
At Orihime's apartment: thousands of photos are strewn across the room. Most of Ichigo. Some of when they were together…in the same frame, that is
[Tatsuki watches Orihime from behind, who is meticulously arranging the photos and muttering "Ichihime" like one of those creepy little kids in horror films]
Tatsuki: Um…are you okay, Orihime?
Orihime: Ichihime…Ichihime…Ichihime…
Tatsuki: [sighs] Look, Orihime. I know it's hard to accept. The guy you've loved for practically your whole life is in love with someone else. But…you're gonna have to get over it, okay? I've known Ichigo longer than you have and, well, he needs someone who can be honest and upfront with him – someone who can knock some sense into him. Someone like Rukia.
Orihime: "…"
Tatsuki: (concerned) Orihime?
Orhime: Ichihime
Tatsuki: (starting to panic) Alright! That's enough! I'm calling the mental institute – no, on second thought, I'm calling the COPS!
[Tatsuki runs out of the room and dials 911, but is left with nothing but a dial tone]
Tatsuki: That's funny. [Tries again, but nothing happens]
[Orihime enters and reveals a severed phone cord]
Orihime: Ichihime…
And that was the last anyone's ever heard from Tatsuki…
--
In Ichigo's bedroom…
Kon: [aside] [smiles mischievously and rubs palms together] At least now nee-san won't suspect it's me when I'm in Ichigo's body! [Turns to Ichigo] Hey, don't you have some Hollows you have to take care of?
Ichigo: Huh?
--
Soul Society: at a captains' and lieutenants' meeting…
[Ikkaku and Yumichika burst into the room, carrying a large brown bag with "Place $$ Here" written in blood-red letters]
Yamamato: What is the meaning of this?
Ikkaku: [grinning like a homicidal killer] We're here to collect bets! A long time ago, Yumichika and I made a bet that Ichigo and Rukia were gonna get together and just this morning – well, what do you know? Now pay up, people!
[Byakuya breaks out into sobs. Renji snorts in irritation, while Izuru and Momo exchange sympathetic glances]
Momo: Lighten up, Renji. It's alright.
Izuru: Yeah, we were rooting for you, man.
Renji: Shut up!
[The room falls silent]
Yumichika: What is it with you people? Silence is not very beautiful!
Ikkaku: Are you saying you all knew this would happen?
Ukitake: [clears his throat] Well, yes. Rukia is a member of my division, after all. I know everything about her.
Renji: (muttering) Okay, I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Kyoraku: I think it's fair to say we all saw it coming. [Shrugs] I mean, the ryoka stormed the Soul Society for a reason.
Hitsugaya: (in annoyance) I think the better question is who didn't see it coming?
Matsumoto: Well, I think it's kinda cute that they got together!
Hitsugaya: (under breath) You would.
Yamamato: I mean, that ryoka even stopped my precious Soukyoku! And that has never, ever happened in the history of the Soul Society! [Folds arms in irritation] I'm still mad about that, actually. [Glares at Ukitake and Kyoraku, who smile feebly]
Kyoraku: (nervously) Nice day, Yama-jii?
Ukitake: (with equal nervousness) Yeah, isn't the weather just splendid?
Yamamato: (snaps) Be silent!
Kenpachi: [sighs] Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to find a new sparring partner. Now if only I hadn't killed that Nnorita guy…
A/N: And there you have it – my take on how everyone would react if Ichigo and Rukia got together! I think Isshin's reaction was the most realistic; I could actually really see that happening Lol. Renji would be resentful (as can be expected), Byakuya would mourn over his new in-law calling him by the first name all the time (lol), Orihime would kill anyone who doesn't support Ichihime (yes, in case you didn't know, Tatsuki died), Kon would take the new opportunity to get away with being perverted (oh gosh), and yeah, Kenny would be bored because Ichigo would spend more time with Rukia.
Anyway, please review! I would love to hear what you guys thought of this chapter! This was so much fun to write. Next up will be Ichihime, because I already have a few ideas in my head. Feel free to suggest what pairing you want to see next. FYI, I do take "crack" pairings, as long as they're somewhat realistic.
