Dear diary it's your old friend Tom Riddle. Today in class Timmy said some dumb ass shit and I said to him "Timmy quit saying dumb ass shit, you crazy butt punching weasel hat." then my teacher Albus Dumbledore (or should I say Dumbledoor, lol.) took 5 points from Slytherin. Then I was like "God damn it Dumbledore! (or should I say Dumblefuckface.) I'm so pissed off, that when I grow up I'm going to kill some guy named Harry Potters parents!" then I vomited green. I kept puking and shitting myself all day until I shat out a peace of my soul. (I'll just stuff it in between the pages in this dairy for right now.)

Dear diary I wanted to know what it's like to kill someone. Since the abracadabra (what ever the hell it's call) is illegal, I just drug one the first years into a bathroom by her eyelids and beat her in the ass to death with a hammer. Everyone knew I did it, but they didn't care because she was always moaning all the time.

Diary, my nose is too big. My nose is too big. My nose is too big! I am a banana! I think I should get plastic surgery to make it smaller. I'm just afraid the doctor might fuck that shit up and I'll stuck with some freaky looking patch of skin with to holes in it. If that ever happened I'd go crazy and start a muggle hating cult, try to become immortal and chop my penis off.

Dear diary, I'm sad that I don't have friends.

Dear die ry, today I talked to big retarded kid that smells like seamen named Hagrid and he was all like "I love animals." and I said "Oh, that's nice." Then with his big apelike head and empty soulless eyes he said "No, I really love animals." then I said "Stop touching me that way please." Then he said "When I think about animals I touch myself." then he beat me in the asshole with a hammer (god damn you karma, you fucking bitch). I survived tough, but I will never forgive that nigger faggot Hagrid. For revenge I decided to open the chamber of secrets, but when I got there Toad told me "Sorry, Tom Riddle. Your basilisk is in another castle." I then screamed out in to the top of my lungs "Fuck you England! Why do you have so many castles! Why, god damn you! Why!" and that's how I became the antagonist.