Resonance Dream
Maka yelled out in desperation.
She was evil and loathsome. Down to her core….her genetic make-up, she glared at her ceiling momentarily thinking of her womanizing father. She flipped over onto her stomach with a barely suppressed groan of personal hatred to bury her shame, slamming her pillow over her head.
It didn't help.
The dream was very fresh in her mind. She felt a hot pooling sensation low in her tummy. She pressed her fists hard into her abdomen trying to suppress the evil within her.
…White mussed hair, manic grin, the long piano playing fingers, and those red eyes…
Damnit damnit damnit! Why?! Why her, she was the reasonable one. He was her best friend, he was her weapon. And unknown to her, suppressed to her conscious being, he had become the object of her…her what? Lust, infatuation….desire?
She was no better than Spirit. She didn't want to think of her father, especially not at this moment.
…her fingers had been tracing the outline of his scar…
She was still worried about him on some sub level, they had moved pass that incident with Dr. Stein's help. Thinking of that made her think of Medusa and she let out another sound of frustration through gritted teeth, muffled by the pillow.
Well now they both had their secret dreams, except she had no one to talk to about hers. That and Soul had eventually told her about the demon…She knew she should come clean about this. But…but this wasn't the same! She could see it all play out.
Maka: Soul…I too have been having dreams.
Soul: ?
Maka: About you and me in each other's arms, weird huh awkward laugh…
Soul: Nerd! Coupled with an evil grin
Maka's face scrunched under the pillow. Thinking; No! It's not like that. I always wake up before…before…. Another frustrated shriek is muffled.
She was just like her father after all…tainting her beautiful partnership with the person she cared most about. Why did her body have to betray her so easily after so long? None of it had ever interested her before.
There was heat radiating from between her legs, there was heat radiating from her face. It wasn't like that. There was something much, much, more deep about whatever this was. It stemmed from the touch of his soul, the fear of losing him. She thought about the scar…the desire to kiss it away overwhelming in this state.
The fear of losing him came and went in many different ways. Yes, the fight with Ragnarok had brought about the idea of a world without Soul in it physically and permanently and her heart constricted in her chest to the point of pain. Physical pain that brought about a pathetic whimper, she was on a roller coaster of emotions this morning. The sun hadn't even risen and it wouldn't for another few hours.
But there were other ways of losing people.
Her mother had left, driven away by her father's wandering ways. That pain still ached.
Soul and Maka, lived together. They did their shopping together, chores, homework; but of course they slept in different rooms. Their relationship was solid. They were a perfect weapon/meister partnership. A partnership like that was born only once in a millennium. It wasn't romantic. It was real. They fought, they made up, they were affectionate without crossing lines…weren't they…had they?
What if someone came into his life? What would their relationship be like then? What if he started dating…if he fell in l-love…with someone, anyone?
Blair had come into their lives and at one point it seemed like things were changing for the worse. It was frustrating to see Soul's eyes nearly pop from his head or his nose bleeding every time Blair paraded her well rounded naked body around the apartment.
Maka felt like crying, it wasn't her fault her breasts were tiny. And he had called her ankles fat, her jaw clenched. Still though…there were moments he made her blush, when she caught his eyes lingering on her shoulders or eyeing up her thighs, did it really have to be all about breasts?
The pain in her abdomen, having subsided, warmed at the prospect of his lingering gaze. At the spark when their souls resonated, at the intimacy she felt when his soul called out for hers and then spiked at the thought of those times he had played his music for her…
What was this? Girls weren't supposed to be perverts, were they? Wasn't it the men that did this, reduced women to their sexual fantasies?
She brought her knees to her chest falling on her side to clutch them to her chest tightly, the bed squeaking in protest.
Well…no…she supposed. Blair did use all her womanly assets to reduce men to lusting sex pots at her beck and call. Wasn't she the one that had gotten her claws in Papa? Or maybe they both did it to themselves. She had seen Medusa do it to Stein, the Mizune's did it too. Of course they all had large breasts and gorgeous hair. Well except for Medusa, she thought with a smirk. But she had her confidence and sultry voice, but that woman was evil.
Maka thought dejectedly about her lank blond hair and the way her voice could get screechy if she was getting animated about her latest book store find. Along with her less than curvaceous body, she sighed. Yet, his eyes did linger…on her hands, her neck and shoulders, and her legs. She could feel the heat in his gaze, mostly in unguarded moments…was that just because he needed those parts to keep him safe in battles? She wasn't going to open herself up to that.
She rolled over on her back body spread eagle and bed protesting.
She was highly intelligent, and if she followed logic the only possible conclusion to this whole mess was that subconsciously, her heart had realized that she had somehow fallen in love with Soul. Her brain, and every rational thought in her being, was throwing walls up around that truth. If she gave into that truth then she would open herself to losing Soul. If he didn't feel the same then she would lose him to a much worse circumstance than death.
The fear of losing their easy relationship to the vulnerability of love and all of its unknown risks was too much.
Soul was much more to her than some sexual fantasy. But was it wrong to take in the small amount of pleasure that the idea of that love brought to her? Maybe, maybe not, but it was selfish. That's why her dreams always ended so abruptly. Whenever she became aware the dream evaporated. She didn't want the hollow version of her idea of Soul, she wanted Soul, in all his irritating angsty glory.
She laid there, heart aching, in desire and loneliness. Surprised to feel the tears trailing down her cheeks, when had she stared crying?
Soul…he was so much better than her. If he thought any inappropriate thoughts about women, she was sure she'd be the last to know. He was so pure, he had never dated in the five years they had lived together, that she knew of. They were young when they both met and after her parent's divorce shortly after they started living together. And in that time he had never brought anyone home, or talked about anyone in that way.
Save for the nosebleeds if Blair ever surprised them, but Black Star and Kidd got them too. And now that Blair had bewitched Spirit…she was positively demure and homely at the apartment, if she even stayed there. Maka wasn't even sure what type interested Soul.
This, whatever twisted form of love this was, it was all one sided on her part. Wasn't it?
It wasn't as if she dated either. The dating pool she would consider wasn't very large it only consisted of one person, now that she deliberately thought about it. Previously that pool consisted of exactly no one.
For a moment she thought of pink hair, a melancholy expression and dark eyes…Crona. In knowing and becoming friends with Corona, that friendship highlighted and heightened the changes about her relationship with Soul. And as far as Maka could tell, delving into the past, Crona was at the center of when her heart had started to change concerning Soul.
But, Crona wasn't a friend she could talk to about this. They had love and a sense of duty and loyalty but that was it. She didn't feel any of the feelings that were physically affecting her when it came to how she now felt about Soul. It was as if Crona had replaced her old relationship with Soul and what had come out on the other end between her and Soul was…love? Not reduced to only physical desire, but intimate life changing love.
Maka pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and after a moment rubbed away the tears.
She was stronger now, perhaps knowing and being aware would help her reduce the physical side effects? She wasn't going to let Soul down. She loved him, yes! Their souls were connected, yes! She wanted to know how their bodies would feel connected deep in her very core at the very least just once…NO NO NO!
Pulling her pillow over her head she screamed in frustration.
