Summary: 'Empty. That's what I feel most of the time. Like there's no emotion inside of me. Some people call it depressed. I call it normal.' SasuNaru.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Sasuke and Naruto would be an actual couple.
A/N: A lot of these chapters will probably be in Naruto's point of view. But I will have some in Sasuke's maybe one in Sakura's if I decide to go in that direction. I'll tell you whose POV it is so you're not guessing the entire time. I hate it when I have to do that -_- . Anyways! Enjoy!
EMPTY
Empty. That's what I feel most of the time. Like there's no emotion inside of me. Some people call it depressed. I call it normal. There are times when I do feel something. It's usually anger, rarely sad. I had long forgotten what being happy felt like. Of course, like any other person, I cried as well. But at the said time, I would feel nothing, like usual. Confusing, right? It's difficult to explain and even harder to live with it, questioning everything. 'If I was normal, what would I be feeling now?'
I thought often of death. Not to actually plan to kill myself, God no. But to wonder who would notice that I was gone first. Who would miss me the most-or even at all. That kind of stuff.
What made these thoughts grow, you ask? The fact that the one person you love constantly puts you down, showing just how superior he is to me. And how girls fell all over him. No one paid me attention, but he had the spotlight almost all the time. He had money, attention, and good looks. But that's where the charms stopped for the girls. He's a betraying bastard who seemed to lack a heart. But I was just like his fan girls. I fell for him twice as hard as any of them. Mind you, I was a lot quieter about my crush for him than they were.
But no one caught on to how I really felt. I had a mental switch, see? Emotionless face one second. Someone walks into the room. Happy-go-lucky Naruto that everyone knows and despises. Yes. They despise me. After all, who would like me? The freaky demon vessel? No one, that's who.
There were days when I feel as though I can't put up the façade. So I would stay home from training, saying I was sick when they came back and asked why I wasn't there.
One thing that did help me, however, was my music. When I had nothing to do, which was often, I would turn some music on. Mostly metal. I know, not what all of my 'friends' thought I would normally listen to. But I usually ignored the lyrics at first and just listened to the instruments. I liked to decipher which played where, how fast the beat was at certain parts of a song, and to just try to get a glimpse of their current feelings at that moment of time. With metal, you get an easy to understand feeling if you found it.
To some people, it sounded like kids screaming into microphones, banging on instruments they didn't know how to use. To others, it was party music. To me, it was my haven. I knew what sadness was when I saw or heard it, so I looked for it. It was hard to find in some songs, buried under the anger they mixed into the songs. And that was the thrill to me: trying to find it and understand what inspired them to play it. The latter wasn't hard really, once you listened to the song again and paid attention to the lyrics.
-SasuNaruSasu-
And now I'll tell you how the kunais came into the picture. We were almost to Konoha after a mission. Nothing too big. But Sakura had been talking the entire way back about how I had somehow screwed their plan up. My act was slipping fast. A familiar feeling rose in my chest. Anger. Anger at Sakura for not shutting up. Anger at Kakashi for pointing it out. Anger at myself for being so stupid. And anger at Sasuke for smirking, calling me a dobe, then fixing what I messed up. My hands turned into fists and I wanted to hit her. I kept in mind that I couldn't, but before I could tell myself anything else, one thing interrupted my thoughts. Sasuke. Like always. "If you wouldn't be so pathetic and became a little smarter, you wouldn't be so useless." He had said in his annoying, usual, all-knowing tone. A punch to the face he didn't expect sent him flying into the nearest tree. "I'm going home." I hissed before disappearing. Only a minute later, I was home, listening to my usual metal. Then I spotted my kunai bag on my bed. I deserved to be hurt. I let my act slip, probably hinted to my entire team that something wasn't right. I drew the sharp blade to my wrist. Then stopped. I slipped my pants off and rolled up a little of my boxers. Cutting two long marks that almost wrapped around my entire thigh on both sides.
That's when I felt something. I felt... light. A smile, not a fake nor sarcastic smile graced my lips. I knew that in order for me to keep doing this, I would need to limit myself. If I marked my entire body, people would see. And any sign of weakness others saw was not acceptable to me! Naruto Uzumaki was not weak! I was anything but to have survived the last 18 years of my life!
A/N: Well there it is. The first chapter to my very first actual fanfic. I hope you all enjoyed it! It took me a while to figure out how to fit some things in there and take out. This chapter is just explaining some things and I can already tell you there will be at least another one like it. I have a majority of the entire story already written, so I guess I'll let you guys decide if I should continue putting these up. Constructive criticism would be appreciated. And here's a sneak peek of Chapter 2 to help decide if you want to keep reading or not!
"Once home, I literally threw them onto the table and turned on my music. The bass, drums, lyrics pounded into me as I turned it up. As I turned around to get a banana, my music stopped. Grabbing the yellow fruit, I turned to see what had happened and almost dropped my healthy snack in shock. What the hell was he doing in my house?"
