The Cat, Three little g gods, The Pretty Shrink & The Couch in Cupid's Den
by
Elizabeth Hensley 8-)
This one's for my friend DunnyWater! :-)
Disclaimer: I don't own the gods but neither does ABC, or Rob Thomas or Lucius who wrote about them almost 2000 years ago, or even the ancient Greeks. Neither do I own Claire or grumpy Alice. I would think they belong to themselves as do all Fictionals because we'll use Artificial Intelligence technology to bring them to life someday and due to Relativistic curved Space/Time this has happened already. I don't even own the Cat! He just wandered in as many of the Cats around here do, the only difference being this one is in my head instead of in Reality Space. (But now he's in Cyberspace and soon will partly be in YOUR head. You are warned! He's a handful! :0)
Author's note: The Song Craig's List by Weird Al can be found on You Tube.
Cupid was dancing with Delightful as they did their morning routine. Two year old Delightful still looked like a one year old and she still could not walk but she could lay in her car seat and wiggle to the beat in sinc with Daddy! The music was Weird Al's, "Craig's List." Claire smiled. Trevor could boogie! He could also multitask better than any Male she had ever seen. He was simultaneously making their lunches including heating up Claire's pumped breast milk bottles for Delightful, cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast which he had made while she reviewed Patient files, teaching Delightful morality, compassion, and reinforcing earlier lessons about Newtonian physics and rules for safe driving. Some "psychotic!" The foxy Shrink surreptitiously reached into her purse and turned on her tape recorder hoping 'Craig's List' wouldn't drown out the lessons. If the ex god of love could be heard over Weird Al's very accurate musical description of the most popular net classified site on the Planet, the next Sachs-Gordon staff meeting and if necessary, Child Protective Services would get an ear full!
Trevor moon walked as he wiped down the counter. "Delightful what's the most important commandment the Big Guy gave all Humans, both 1.0 and 2.0?'
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your Mind and all your soul."
Trevor spun around and tossed the paper towel backwards across his shoulder into the wastebasket. "What's the second most important?"
"Love your Neighbor just as much as you do yourself."
"Whose your Neighbor, Love Bugs?" Trevor placed two whole wheat slices on two pieces of wax paper and from across the room tossed two slices of ham on top of them. " Is it just grumpy Alice in the apartment stuck next to ours?" He tossed on a two slices of Swiss cheese and nodded at his daughter and frowned in sympathy. "She's just grumpy cause her mouth hurts you know and she can't figure out how to pay for a Dentist. We gotta figure out how to sneak her some cash!" Then grinning he asked. "And why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?" He spun around like a Ballet Dancer and overhand tossed on two lettuce leaves. Then he boogied across the room and with each hand slam dunked on the other slices of bread. "Score two points for the ham sandwich, home team!"
Delightful giggled. "I don't know that last one, Cupid. Our Neighbors are all the Self Referencing Information in the Multiverse."
Trevor put the sandwiches in their respective lunch bags, handed Claire's to his Wife and set his next to Delightful's front holster by their front door. "What is the most important law of driving any kind of vehicle?"
"Any object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force."
Trevor went and kissed Delightful. "And of course as discussed before, that's why we always wear our seat belts. We want that 'outside force' to be our seat belts not the windshield or the steering wheel or our Friend in front of us if we are in the back seat! We could injure them too! What is this also known as?"
"Newton's first of motion!" Delightful giggled.
Trevor said gently."What is the second most important rule?"
"All other Organic Units in other vehicles have feelings just as needy as you and can be just as unpredictable."
Firmly the ex god of love said, "So no one is EVER an idiot and that includes you, right Kid? 'Cause sometimes life is just too, darn hard and things just give way that shouldn't!"
Delightful frowned and solemnly nodded.
Trevor was putting Delightful's breast milk bottles in their case when suddenly miraculously over Craigslist, over the divine lesson (for it was truly divine) over all of that, they heard a demanding "meow" at the door.
Trevor went over and swung it wide and Their Owner swaggered in.
What a Cat! He was a plain, gray Tabby but that was the last thing ever to be called "plain" about Zeus Too. For that was Cupid insisted on calling him. Though Claire also called him, "The Sultan. Cupid named him after his grandfather, the aging ruler of Olympus because they were both commanding and full of buzz and thunder bluff despite both being around the bend and both having seen far far better days!
His tail had a permanent kink in it no doubt due to getting in an argument with a car and the car winning.
His left ear was notched, hopefully due to being part of New York's feral Cat population control program.
His right eyelid did not quite completely open making him look like a Drunken Sailor. He sort of walked like one too. There was no doubt he thought he owned the place and according to Trevor he was correct. "Claire there are an infinite number of Sentient Lifeforms in the Multiverse and they are all owned by Cats. We gods too."
The Sultan, or Zeus Too, take your pick, swaggered over to Uncle Mercury's couch in Cupid's den, jumped up and stretched out. He was asleep in seconds. He owned the place alright.
Delightful stated calmly, "Our Cat showed up."
Claire, ever the Practical said, "Wait a darned minute, god and goddess! This wasn't what I had in mind! I was picturing a nice, sweet little Kitten or at least a sweet Female in need of a good home. But this, this, what is this anyway? This reprobate looks like he could take on the whole East Side and come out on top!"
Trevor said gently, "Claire Bear he's getting on in years. Usually when a Cat like this who lived on his own for most of his life, wild and free suddenly picks some Humans to dwell with, my old next door Neighbors back on Olympus the Fates or Angels, one of the two, (when it comes to the plight of helpless Animals we are completely simpatico), has directed him or her. This one needs our help! He either realizes it or is not adverse to receiving it. He's feeling his age or something is hurting and he needs to see a Doctor! Or he's just tired of fighting the streets!"
Claire said, "What? So now we are an old folks home for Felines?
Trevor smiled, "Claire Bear the rules of our premarital counseling were, 'we wait and see what Cat shows up.' This is our Cat."
" Wee!" Delightful shrieked in glee!" She suddenly levitated and flew across the room. "Kitty!" She chortled. She flew right to Zeus Too and preceded to pet him.
The Cat grinned the most Human grin Claire had ever seen on an Animal except it was a drunken looking grin, or an elfin one. It wasn't exactly an evil looking grin but it came close!
Claire was too worried about what her Daughter might catch to be shocked she suddenly had the power of flight. (They all had been anticipating that happening anyway. It had been only a matter of time). "Delightful get away! He hasn't had his rabies shot! He might bite you!"
Delightful frowned and shook her head and baby swore, "Oh Pooh! Pooh! Pooh!"
Claire thought to herself, I have to have a talk with my two year old about her mouth!
The Sultan's defense was to turn on the loudest rumble of a purr even Cupid had ever heard in his three thousand plus years of life and he had heard his pet Siberian Tigress, Sasha do some very loud rumbles!
Cupid said, "Dr Claire McCrae I admit I am only a god and don't have a degree in Animal behavior But I think it's a given, rabid Cat's don't purr. Zeus Too is just scruffy and old, not rabid."
Claire sighed and nodded in defeat, then glanced at their clock. "Oh darn! We're late for work!"
Cupid said, "No sweat. I'm the manager. I won't chew myself out and Felix is an Animal Lover too. He'll understand. As for your first Patient, isn't he that crazy Fellow who hoards Cats? I think the only issue he will have with you being late as he'll want Zeus Too for himself!"
Claire laughed, "True, And I guess your perennial Charley Wilcox will wait until you get there to be served. He always has in the past when you were late, that is on those very rare occasions when you were!"
Trevor went over to the bathroom closet and pulled out the liter pan and box of litter they had bought ahead of time, opened the box, poured the litter in the pan and set it next to Uncle Mercury's couch. Then he went to their fridge, took out a couple of eggs, broke them and put them in a dish. He set those down next to the litter pan. Then he filled a dish full of water and set that next to the eggs.
Claire left eyebrow went up like Mr Spock's, "Raw eggs?"
Cupid said sadly, "I suspect our new family member felt it a great meal when he could make some Mama Pidgin bereft of her Children, Claire Bear."
Delightful frowned.
Cupid said gently, "Little goddess this Universe is just the beta test. In the next one the Big Guy gets it right and we all can be kind to one another, always. Now in this one just do the best you can but don't short change yourself either. Remember this mornings lesson: Love your Neighbor as YOURSELF." He turned to Zeus Too/The Sultan. "Guard the place for us until we get back, Master and we will bring you some real Cat food and set up a medical appointment."
" Meirr." said Zeus Too. He continued to purr.
Cupid clapped his hands. Delightful flew to her Daddy who put her into her front holster for the walk to Tres Equis with a gentle warning, "Never let any Mortal but your Mama, Felix or Dr Greeley see you fly."
She looked up at her Daddy with her dark, green eyes and her dark eyelashes and nodded solemnly,
Gods and Mortal walked out the door shoulder to shoulder united in their marriage and their love.
Zeus Too took a nap.
A half an hour later there was a shimmering of light. The messenger god appeared in Cupid's den. The first thing Uncle Mercury realized was his left foot was standing in sand and he was NOT at the beach. The second thing he realized was there was a very decrepit looking Cat on HIS couch!
They eyed one another for about a minute. The Cat won the stare down and humiliated Uncle Mercury retreated to the lazy boy letting, The Sultan have the couch even though it would have been much more suitable for the long, lanky god.
But time heals things.
Cupid, Delightful and Claire Bear returned late that evening to find the god of speed and the Cat of Decrepitude both sound asleep on the couch together. The Sultan was asleep on Uncle Mercury's chest. They both had silly grins on their somnolent faces. There was a pile of various kinds of food wrappers scattered about. It was hard to say who had eaten what, but that all had eaten well, of that there was no doubt.
And both were snoring up a storm.
