Disclaimer: I don't own anything


After e explosion, when the suit is shattered on the ground in thousands of pieces, and Tony is gone, Steve is lost. He still has his team, but moving on isn't as easy as it sounds - although, being left behind isn't easy, either.


Lost and Found - 1

Lost - Steve


It had been supposed to be an easy mission, Steve mused, as he watched his teammates. But the bots had turned out to be more persistent than they had expected. They were all injured. Clint had jumped off several buildings, and twice it had been a close call, Tony barely making it in time to catch him. Natasha had gotten hit badly, and was limping towards him, but she hadn't allowed him to send her back to the tower. Especially since he wasn't in a much better shape.

Steve wished he'd be able to say that it wasn't in vain, but the bots had suddenly vanished. It was hard to admit, but they had been losing the battle before, and the sudden retreat of the bots probably saved them, but it was also peculiar.

He saw Tony fly towards them. The suit had taken a lot of damage, and the only reason why he hadn't benched Tony was that he'd known that the billionaire wouldn't listen anyways. But he had kept an eye on him, flinching when he had crashed into the floor after a particularly strong blast. It was never easy to watch Tony fight, but today it had been different. Tony's comm had been broken halfway through the battle, and they hadn't been able to communicate with Tony. Tony had hovered above them afterwards, only engaging in fights when he needed to. Steve suspected that he'd found it hard to fight as part of the team when he was unable to talk with them.

Tony was now flying towards them, a bit slower than usually. Maybe the suit was more damaged than they had realized. Steve's heart clenched at his next thought – maybe the genius had been hurt. Usually the suit took damage, but it did its job protecting Tony.

When it happened, it came as a surprise. At first, he wasn't able to place the explosion, and started looking around, frantically searching for the source of the sound, but not finding anything. He could see that Natasha and Clint were doing the same, until Natasha's eyes went wide, and she froze. Steve followed her gaze, uneasiness growing in his stomach.

Iron Man was no longer in the air. Instead, there were pieces of red and gold armor lying on the floor. It took Steve a second to process the scene in front of him. His gaze got caught on the golden faceplate, which was closest to him. It had broken into two pieces, an uneven break going through the middle. Close by, he could make out something that looked suspiciously like a part of the arc reactor.

His breath hitched.

He heard Clint curse, and suddenly both the archer and the spy were by his sided. He found it hard to focus, numbness was taking over his body. His eyes scanned the pieces, desperately trying to find a trace of – he though his chest would give in to the pressure he felt, he couldn't breathe, not matter how hard he tried to gasp for air. He felt Natasha's burning fingers on his shoulder,

There was no sign of Tony Stark.

Tony had been inside the suit.

Steve's brain refused to come to the easiest conclusion. But, although he knew Tony was brilliant and found a solution for everything, he knew that there was no way Tony could have made it out of the suit. The blast had come out of nowhere, no prior warning. Steve felt his chest tighten.

Tony had been in the suit when it exploded.

The suit that was now scattered across the street

He felt Natasha move her hand. He needed to breath, but there was no air in his burning lungs. "Breath, Steve", he heard Natasha say, her voice rasp. He tore his gaze away from the pieces, looked at her. Her expression was blank, she had put on a carefully crafted mask.

The serum had healed him. Why did it feel so much like an asthma attack?

Clint pulled him away, away from the remains of the suit, away from the crowd that was forming around them. He barely heard the people whisper, they had all seen the explosion. He was surrounded by an ocean of noises, and he still couldn't breathe, and the fire in his lungs didn't want to die down.

He just let Clint pull him along until they reached their destination, not caring about where they were going. Every piece in him screamed to go back – Tony had to be there, Tony had to be somewhere. He wouldn't just – he wouldn't –

A sob broke free from Steve's throat.

"We'll take care of it," he heard someone say, "just make sure he's alright.

They were surrounded by people in black uniforms, and his brain unconsciously made the connection. They were at SHIELD.


He didn't really know why he felt this much anger at the man in front of him. They had just met, and not even spoken a word with each other.

He'd heard about him, maybe that was the reason. He had promised himself he'd give Howard's son a chance, but the headlines the man had made were had shaped his opinion, and as soon as Stark spoke, Steve found his suspicions confirmed.

Howard would hate to know how selfish and uncaring his son had turned out to be.

And then he found himself spewing words full of hate at the other man. Although, Stark did know how the retaliate, he had to admit that.

His opinion would change soon. After Tony Stark decided to become a team player. After he flew a nuke into space, willing to sacrifice himself. After he survived somehow.

Steve couldn't admit it to himself, but he was more than relieved when Tony opened his eyes. A heavy weight lift of his chest, and his heart was moved by a feeling he wouldn't be able to define until much later.


Every single step was a struggle. He wanted to run back, go back to hiding in his room, because he felt safe there, but he couldn't. His team was hurting enough already, and he was just adding to it – he didn't need them to worry about him. He knew that they worried. He'd been hiding in his room for the past week, having only JARVIS telling him.

He was fine, he had tried to persuade himself, although he knew that he wasn't. He hadn't just lost a teammate. He'd lost so much more.

The closer he got to the living room, the heavier the silence felt on his shoulders. It wasn't supposed to be quiet. Usually, there was always some noise in their common areas. But lately, he hadn't even heard Thor's voice rumbling through the hallways.

They were all mourning, and he was just making it harder for them.

With a quiet sigh, he straightened up before he entered the living room. Four pairs of eyes immediately latched onto him, examined him. Steve knew that he looked like a mess. He hadn't showered, he hadn't slept, and his eyes were red. He looked pale, and dark circles surrounded his eyes. For a second, he was ashamed, but then he pushed the feeling aside.

They were his friends. They'd understand.

Natasha walked over to him, and her hug came as a surprise. She usually held back on her feelings, was rarely open about them. But then he saw the dark shadows under her eyes, and he understood. They were feeling the same. Tony had been important to them, as well. Without further hesitation, he pulled her closer.

"Oh Steve", she whispered. He had never heard her voice this hoarse before. His heart broke all over again at the sound, and he clung onto her with his arms.

When he let go again, Clint, Bruce and Thor had joined them, as well. There were so many things he wanted to say, wanted to let them know, but he couldn't find the words to express them. And thus, he just stood there, in silence, and Bruce gave him a small smile.

"We know", he said quietly.

It was different, being together without Tony. Although they tried to avoid talking about it, but it always stood between them. Tony was declared dead, but there was no funeral. Mainly because they all refused to bury an empty coffin.

Two weeks after Tony's death, Natasha and Clint left to go on a mission for SHIELD. Their departure left the tower even emptier, and Steve found himself spending most of the time either in his room or in their gym. He lost count of how many punching bags he broke, it must have been many. JARVIS automatically reordered them, so he didn't have to fear running out, and he found that punching was a good way to ignore his feelings, at least for a while.

JARVIS had been acting differently ever since the mission. It took Bruce three weeks to figure out – the AI hadn't been connected to the suit. His connection with Tony had been interrupted the same time his comm was broken.

Steve had never felt so powerless before, he'd never forgive himself for not pulling Tony out of the fight. He'd never forgive Tony for continuing to fight, either. The question was constantly on his mind – why had the genius not pulled out?

He spent his nights awake, unable to sleep. Nightmares haunted him as soon as he closed his eyes. He saw the suit explode, again and again. He hadn't seen it happen at the time, but there had been footage, and he'd seen it, going against the advice of his teammates. He'd needed to see it. Deep down he knew that he'd hoped for a sign that Tony could have made it, somehow, but this hope had been shattered by the video.

Natasha and Clint came back, unharmed to his relief. The dynamics of their team had shifted, they had started to worry about one of them not coming back. While they still fought ruthlessly against villains, there was always that bitter fear that one of them wouldn't make it out.

The possibility had always existed, but it had become a reality, and not one of them would be able to handle losing another teammate.

Steve had retreated, not feeling able to be the leader the team would need. While he was still the one giving orders on missions and during battles, he stayed to himself when they were in the tower. Occasionally, his teammates joined him during one of his training sessions, to his relief, they never tried to lure him out of the cocoon he had created.

Apparently, they had decided to let him grief.


"You have been avoiding me," Tony stated, and Steve froze.

It was true. He had been avoiding the billionaire, and it was pure luck that Tony had caught him in the kitchen.

Tony had invited them to live in the tower after the battle, and they all had accepted. It had taken a while to get used to each other's company, as they were used to operating alone, but slowly, they had turned into a real team. Steve had scheduled regular training sessions, and they had found themselves eating their meals together, as well.

The more time they spent together, the closer they grew, and after a while, a fragile friendship had started to develop, growing stronger and stronger. They had started to trust each other, which increased their efficiency as a team.

About six months after the Chitauri Invasion, Steve had started to avoid Tony. Not because he didn't like the genius, quite the opposite, actually. He enjoyed his company more than he'd like to admit, especially because, as far as he knew, Tony's relationship with Pepper was still going strong. So he had decided to spare himself the pain and keep out of Tony's way until this infatuation had passed.

Only, it didn't pass.

"I'm not," he tried to defend himself, but Tony only snorted in return.

"I'm not stupid, Steve," he hissed. "Although I haven't figured out why, because, I thought we got over initial problems and, you know, I actually considered you my friend. Until you stopped talking to me!"

Steve's shoulders sunk. He didn't really know what to say to that, how to explain his behavior. He wasn't keen on telling the truth, but couldn't come up with a believable lie, either.

"I mean, I used to be able to talk to you about everything. And you told me stuff, as well. But now I know more about what's going on in Natasha's life, and that says something."

Tony's eyes lit up, and Steve couldn't shake off the warmth that spread through his chest and for a second, he let himself believe that Tony could care in the way he wished he'd care. Tony's mouth continued moving, and Steve realized he was still talking, but he couldn't focus on his voice.

"and – wait, are you even listening? Steve, what is wrong with you?"

Steve turned around, away from Tony's accusing gaze.

"I'm just trying to figure something out," he said quietly. He felt Tony come closer, and almost flinched when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

"What? You know you're not alone, right?"

Steve turned back to face him and found that he stood closer than anticipated. Trying to get a grip on himself, he nodded. "I know," he attempted to reassure the genius, but his voice sounded awfully weak.

Tony's eyes searched his face, wariness evident on his face, and Steve decided to screw it all. He'd be able to deal with the consequences.

To his surprise, there were none. Who would have thought Tony could reciprocate?


They gave him three months. Then Natasha came hurling into his room and dragged him into the common area. "Movie night", she stated, her voice harsh, her eyes daring him to leave. He swallowed hard and saw that the rest of the team had already assembled in the living room. Clint and Bruce had managed to claim a space on the couch, Thor was sitting on the floor leaning against it.

The second couch was empty.

He could almost picture Tony occupying it, wearing a smirk on his face, and then moving his legs to make room for Steve. But then he blinked, and Tony was gone, and all that was left was the raw pain in his heart.

"He would want you to move on, Steve", Natasha continued, her voice softer. He let her push him to the couch, felt her sit down next to him. Clint started the movie, and Steve tried to focus on it, if only to prevent angering his team.

It felt good to be in their presence. It felt good to not be alone, or once. But it was painfully obvious to him that someone was missing, and he wondered if that hole would ever disappear.

He took off his ring a week after, when he came back to his room after their second movie night. The next day, he bought a chain, and put it around his neck, the ring dangling from it.

He would feel it burn against his skin during missions, would start fidgeting and playing with it during debriefs, during dinners, during movies.

"You are almost as bad as Tony," Clint commented after a couple of weeks, and it was the first time Steve heard Tony's name – they had all avoided saying it when he was around. Somehow, it hurt less than he had expected.

He discovered that, while the team couldn't replace Tony, they had made it their goal to distract him as much as possible, and it was working. He wasn't allowed to sulk in his room anymore, he barely had a minute to himself. Between sparring sessions, team activities and missions, he barely found a moment to breath, much less to think, and to his surprise, it helped.

The wound was slowly healing.

He never put off the necklace. It was hi memory of Tony, a reminder that the genius had been in his life. Five months after that one fateful attack, he managed to look at pictures. He hadn't been able to before, but it felt good, gave some kind of closure – until he realized that he forgot what Tony's voice sounded like and almost got a panic attack. It was only averted by Natasha rushing to his side after JARVIS alarmed her.

James Rhodes started to help them out during missions, when aerial support was needed. When Steve asked him why, he stated that Tony would have wanted him to, and no one could disagree. Tony had left him a better suit, and Steve offered him to move into the tower.

They renamed the tower. Tony had left it to the Avengers, and Steve could almost imagine Tony joking about changing the name - except, he couldn't conjure Tony's appearance in front of his inner eye anymore.

He touched the ring as he watched them take down the letters. Only the A remained – it would now stand for Avengers Tower, and while it felt wrong, it felt also right. A new start.

It hurt to move on without Tony, but parts of him would remain with them. They wouldn't erase him.


Waking up in the future, Steve had felt that he had lost everything. He had lost Bucky to the war, he'd lost the Howling Commandos.He'd lost his friends to time – some had died, some were still alive, but thy had aged, had lived their lives. He had lost Peggy, never gotten to dance with her.

But then Fury asked him to join the Avengers. Then came New York. And suddenly, he had a team. He had friends. He had Tony. And suddenly, the future didn't seem to be as bad anymore. Sure, he still wasn't completely used to modern times, especially technology could be hard, but he had Tony, who tried to teach him everything he needed.

He was blessed, he knew that much. And for a while, everything was going great.There were attacks, there were missions, but he came home to people who cared. He had a home.

For a while, he didn't think anything could ever get better. He and Tony fought, and made up. They had their disagreements, and sometimes ignored each other for days at a time, Steve occupying the gym and Tony his lab, until one of them cracked.

They celebrated their first anniversary, and time seemed to fly by. Thor went to Asgard and was absent for several months, and it was obvious that someone was missing, but he came back, and they celebrated Christmas together. Natasha went on a mission for SHIELD and was missing for a week until Tony was able to locate her, and they rescued her.

Their second anniversary came, and Tony took Steve out, and life had never been as perfect. Robots attacked the city, Stark tower almost got destroyed, and they had to fight for their home, but it turned out fine.

A month later, Tony proposed, and Steve accepted.

The wedding was quiet, only their closest friends were invited. Paparazzi flocked the place, but they managed to keep them out. Pepper brought her boyfriend, Thor invited Jane, and Clint and Natasha danced around each other, much to the amusement of test of the team.

Tony put the ring on Steve's finger, and he asked himself what he'd ever done to deserve this life.


It happened on a mission in Siberia. They were trying to take out a Hydra base, and their agents put up a fight. It was cold, and they were all tired, so they weren't delivering their best performance. They had left Bruce in the quinjet, unwilling to use the Hulk unless absolutely necessary,

Natasha barely escape a hit, and for a second Steve was distracted, paying more attention to her than to his opponent. And then he had a knife pressed to his throat. His breath hitched, and, for a second, he allowed himself to think that, if he died on this mission, he'd get to see Tony again, but then he heard Natasha yell for him.

He ducked out of the way, felt the knife slide along his throat, felt it rip his suit on the side of his neck. Then he elbowed his attacker, managing to break free. He wouldn't be beaten by Hydra, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction of having killed Captain America.

It took them a while to take out the base, but they managed to do it, and they stumbled back to the quinjet exhaustedly. Bruce awaited them, had prepared warm blankets, and gave them hot tea, and they had a laugh about it. Steve managed to take a short nap on the way back to New York, all while wishing he was in his bed.

He managed to get into his room, tiredness taking over his body, and took off his uniform. He'd need to get it fixed, the knife had done more damage than he had expected, and he wished Tony could be the one to fix it. He'd not only fix it, he'd come up with improvements. Out of habit, Steve reached for the ring, and found his neck empty.

Panic rose in his chest, and he desperately took apart his uniform, but it wasn't there, he couldn't find it. Hs heart started racing, and he tried to remember, but he knew he had put it on before the mission, he always did.

He could hear JARVIS say something, but he didn't understand. The door flew open, he felt cold air against his skin, but his vision was blurry, and he couldn't make out the person in front of him.

He had lost the ring.

He remembered the knife cutting the fabric of his suit, and it must have cut the necklace as well. His ring was in Siberia, somewhere, covered by snow and ice. It was always the ice. A sob escaped his throat, and more voiced sounded, someone was talking to him, but he didn't understand. He needed to get the ring back, he needed to make it right.

He needed Tony back.

It took them a while to get him to calm down. When he was able to tell them what had happened, their eyes widened, and Steve could see the pity in their faces.

He had lost the one thing that had remained.

Losing the ring was a setback. He was tempted to crawl under his blanket and not leave his bed for days, but Clint and Natasha kept him on his feet. Rhodes teamed up with them as well, and if none of them was around, Bruce and Thor didn't move from his side.

Although the loss hurt, although Steve often reached for his chest to find it empty, he improved again. The pain stayed, a constant ache in his heart, a constant longing for his partner, but it faded more and more into the background. Christmas came and went, and while it was terrible to celebrate without Tony, the team put up decorations, they gave each other presents. They laughed together, put on a Christmas movie, and were overjoyed when the first snowflakes started to fall.

Time healed, and when Valentine's day passed, and Clint finally asked out Natasha, Steve found himself wishing that Tony was by his side, but also accepting that he wouldn't be. The first anniversary of his death passed, ad Steve allowed himself to mourn on that day, but he was back with the team the next day.

Natasha had been right. Tony wouldn't want shim to waste his life. He'd want him to move on, to be happy. And while Steve didn't know whether he'd ever love someone again the way he'd loved Tony, he started to believe that he would be able to be happy again, to enjoy life again.


They were frequently called on missions now. Hydra was being quite proactive, and attacks happened all around the world. They barely had a moment to themselves, and the ongoing fighting had its toll on everyone.

They had just come back from Europe the day before when the alarm rang once again, and they were informed that robots were attacking DC.They got on the quinjet and Clint flew them there. While Natasha and Tony were discussing strategies, Steve watched his husband.

Tony suffered more than anyone else under the continuous load of work, under the constant stress. He'd tried to talk to him, but the genius had interrupted him immediately, and it had escalated into a fight. They were currently in one of the phases during which they ignored each other. They clashed during missions, and these little arguments fueled their anger at each other, prevented them from cracking.

For the first time, Steve was worried about his relationship. He didn't want to lose Tony, but he couldn't find the words to talk to him and express his fears, and so he stayed silent. Maybe he'd find an opportunity after they had defeated the robots.

Tony seemingly felt his gaze, because he came over, and there was softness in his eyes, a softness Steve hadn't seen in a long time.

"Are you okay?", Tony wanted to know, and Steve nodded. There were so many things he wanted to stay, but the words got suck in his throat, couldn't get past the frog sitting there.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Tony admitted, and Steve wanted to ask what he meant, but Clint announced their arrival, and Tony turned around to jump into action. Steve opened his mouth to say something, anything.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

But no sound left his lips, and later, when Tony's suit was scattered across the streets of DC, he'd come to regret it.


It was always New York. Steve wondered what the city had ever done to deserve this fate, but he couldn't find an answer. Not that it really mattered, anyways. Although, he had to take a deep breath when he realized that they were fighting the same robots as they had during that one fateful battle.

They had taken Tony from him.

He clenched his fists, trying to keep thinking rationally. If he let his anger get the best of him, he'd be unable to lead his team, he'd just get them hurt. He wouldn't be able to lose someone else. He considered sitting this one out, but the robots had been strong, and they'd need every fighter they had.

His team needed him. The reassuring touch of the ring was still embedded into his pre-battle routine, he never reminded himself in time that the ring was gone. "You don't need a symbol to remember Tony," Bruce had said quietly, trying to cheer him up, and Steve always tried to remember himself of these words whenever his fingers touched his empty chest.

He met up with his teammates and felt their anger. They all remembered these opponents, they all wanted to take revenge.

"Don't let your anger guide you," he asked of them, and Natasha shot him a bittersweet smile.

"Thought I'd have to remind you of that," and then the smile disappeared. "Do you want to stay here?"

Steve only shook his head, his shield weighing heavy in his hands.

They didn't do much better than the last time. Their opponents had improved their strategy, whoever was controlling the robots did a good job at splitting the Avengers up into smaller groups. And while the team did take some of them down, there seemed to be an endless amount of them.

Soon, Steve found himself alone in a street, trying to keep the robots from going after civilians. Over the comms, he could hear Clint cursing and somewhere in the distance, lighting lit up the sky. His stomach churned, he hadn't realized how far away from the rest of his team he had gotten.

They were leading him away, he suddenly understood.

They were trying to separate him, make sure backup would take a while to reach him.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he tried to turn back, but he was suddenly surrounded by metal figures. A group of robots was closing in on him, and panic rose in his chest. He tried to suppress it, he needed to be able to think to get out if this situation.

He thought about throwing his shield, but then he'd be defenseless. So he opted for the more physical approach – he let them get closer, and then attacked them.

They had killed Tony.

And Steve knew, if he didn't act, quickly, they'd also kill him. It wouldn't be as spectacular, he was in a dark alley, no people were around – no one would film his death. But it would affect the team nonetheless, and Steve didn't want his friends to hurt more. So he fought.

He tried to gain energy from his anger, adrenaline rushed through his veins, but they just kept coming, there too many of them. He should ask War Machine or Thor to get him out, but they just kept coming closer, and he panicked.

A metal hand grabbed the shield, and he tried to hold on, but something hit the back of his head. Sharp pain blinded him, and with a gasp, he let go of the shield. Instead, he threw his elbow back, hitting something metal, but he was sure it wasn't strong enough.

"Steve?", Natasha's alarmed voice rang in his ears, and he tried to answer, but no sound came out. A heavy blow hit his stomach and pressed all air out of his lungs, he staggered back a few steps. The shield was hurled at him, he managed to duck – he wouldn't be killed by his own weapon, thank you very much.

He didn't even feel the pain as a metal hand pulled sharply on his leg, didn't feel his body crashing onto the floor. His leg was sticking from his body in an odd angle, it was probably broken, but he needed to get back up, he didn't have a choice.

He considered calling backup, but they wouldn't make it in time.

A robotic hand held him down, and he was turned around, facing the sky. A robot was leaning over him, and he tried to kick with his healthy leg, but it didn't move an inch. Instead, something metal came down on him, again and again. It pierced his suit, stabbed his stomach, his shoulder, his leg. His suit was suddenly soaked in blood, his vision got blurry.

This was how he'd die.

It seemed somewhat boring, especially compared to Tony. His lips managed to form a weak smile, as the world slipped further and further away. He'd finally get to see Tony again. Everything would be fine – he'd finally be complete again.

He blinked one last time, he could almost see familiar eye's starring at him, widened in panic. Tony's familiar facial features, a mouth moving. He could almost hear his name falling from those lips again, and warmth spread through his body as he gave in to the darkness.

Finally.


To Be Continued...