There is something about Dostoyevsky that really grabs her heart and keeps her hooked. Maybe it is the dramatic way everything always ends, maybe it is the harsh truth, the hard reality that is thrown in her face. It is such an intertwining thing to think that the reality is still the same even though there are centuries between the two periods. But still, the world is cruel, people are awful and she is still sad. She glances at the scar on her wrist or at least the little white you can see under the bracelets she uses to hide it. She knows it is there and she wonders sometimes if she hides it from her view or from others'. The sound of the washing machine interrupts her thoughts and she looks up. It is finished but she still has to wait for it to dry. She sighs and goes back to her book. She knows it is going to end bad but she is hooked.

The door opens and for a second, she doesn't find it strange. But then, she comes to think. How strange is it, really, that someone would come do their laundry at one in the morning ? She feels her body tense, her knuckles a bit white on the book. She was sheltered all her life until a few months ago but still. It is difficult to see the view she had of the world from her father's farm collapses with the harsh reality where everybody is out to hurt their neighbor. She glances up and immediately looks down. So there is this guy inside who looks rough and like laundry isn't exactly on his list of priorities. Or even on his list of stuff to do. But he is there and apparently wants to wash his clothes. She isn't quick to judge but her stomach still tightens and she feels anxiety and fear creep up her neck. It isn't long since she is in town, isn't long since she is all alone with no one to call when she gets scared. There is no one but her and it is all so scary, making her weary of everything and everyone. She tries to cheer herself up sometimes, tries to see the good out of things but the world is just too hard and too scary sometimes. And she just ends up being scared.

Beth decides that she would not look at him anymore, if she keeps her eyes on the book, if she doesn't look at him anymore then maybe, maybe he would not get interested in talking to her, maybe she would be left alone. And to be honest, she discovers that she would rather be alone than have problems. Loneliness is sad but less hurtful than being buried under all kind of problems. It is all question of perspectives anyway. She closes her eyes as the washing machine makes another sound, she still has to take her clothes and put them in the dryer which means moving, which means making herself known. She tries to make herself look brave, she tries to look like a person you shouldn't mess with, she tries to look like Maggie. But as she stands up, she remembers that she only is stupid little Beth and she finds herself being awkward. She glances up at him, he was old, dirty, big and scary and she feels like a mouse next to him. Ridiculous.

There is not enough light in that room, not enough light at all and it is okay. There is a girl too, blonde and pale and she looks like she used to be bright. Maybe the light comes from her. The neon buzzes, makes some kind of noise as the light trembles. He has his clothes in hands and puts it in the machine. He isn't really sure how it works, goes here once or twice and even if he does not know how it works it seems as if his hands remembers since they are pushing buttons and putting pieces in. The machine makes a noise, water comes and he lights a cigarette. He knows that it makes no much of sense, knows it is some kind of forbidden to smoke in there but the pale girl won't say nothing. She stands though and he looks at her, wondering if she is coming to tell him to stop, to fucking get out and stop his shit.

The girl just goes to a machine and does her business and he drops his gaze. The floor is dirty and he shifts. Smoke fills his lungs and it feels like breathing. It is strange how those things happen, it is really strange indeed. Because for him, smoke is air, beating means family and a smile means problems. Because people smiling at him want something from him, it can only mean bad news. And why would someone smile at him anyway ? He has no idea how long he has to wait, for everything to be clean, for the machine to have finished its job. He passes a tired hand in his hair, it is getting too long and he toys with the idea of just shaving it. They keep silence which is a relief for him. He has no desire to speak whatsoever and apparently, the girl isn't going to start a conversation. He finds it strange since girls always seem to have something to say but the atmosphere is calm and silent. It isn't the kind he is used to bathe in since he never really knew calm and silence but as he has the occasion to know it now, he would enjoy the hell out of it.

There is a certain routine that started. They would both always be alone in the Laundromat. She would always been here first, her nose in a book in the middle of the night. They never speak but sometimes, he would look at her and she would look at him, a tentative smile on her lips. He sometimes answers with a nod, sometimes he just looks somewhere else. Once, he helps her pick up the pieces that escape her hand. A quiet thank you escapes her lips and that is the first time he had heard her voice. Her voice is little, soft and the girl looks like she was afraid to use it. She seems afraid of everything and its contrary, she looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and is crumbling under it. He comes once a week, sometimes twice but never more. And the girl, the girl is always here and he wonders why. What is she doing that makes her need to go that often in there ?

"I'm Beth."

One day she says that. It might be a month since he saw her for the first time. Today isn't different of all the other days but she says that she is Beth and everything is spinning. He looks at her and he meets her now familiar blue eyes and he wonders what it means being Beth. What make this Beth like no other Beth ? he tilts his head, his name stumbling from his lips. He watches her because she's such a strange thing, all big eyes, blond locks and that innocence that she spits in his face. He blinks and all the light is gone. She's just a girl under the yellow light of neon in a dirty Laundromat. And she's looking at him with a little smile before going back to her book. That's all the words that she says, that's everything she says. I'm Beth she said, I'm going to change your world he should have heard.