Be the Cool Kid ==

(Dave POV)

I sighed and collapsed on my bed. I had just gotten home from a long outing with my friends to the fucking bowling alley. I hate bowling, and so does my boyfriend Karkat, but when our other boyfriend John turns his bright blue eyes on us, mixed with the puppy dog face, neither of us can say no. We would do anything for him, though we will never admit it aloud.

I looked around my room. My bro and I have lived here for almost five years now. When we first moved to Skaia I was 13, and started at Alternia Middle School in the middle of the school year. Yes, that is ironic. Starting middle school in the middle of the year. But that fucking irony is just the shit man.

Anyways, I met John on my first day. I was glaring at the teacher, though my awesome shades hid it, and then John jumped up and bounced up to the front of class to offer to show me around. Yes bounced, like hopping and skipping and the whole deal, like the idiot he is. What was really weird about it though was that when he hopped, he'd hover for a second before coming back down. I've asked him about it, but he never knows what I'm talking about. Karkitty says it's just cuz he gets so excited gravity can't take the fucking adorableness. Karkat (aka Karkitty, a nickname I just use to piss him off) was the first person John introduced me too, and we have been having friendly arguments ever since. Anyways, it didn't take long for me to stop asking stupid questions, as with John and Karkat things are always very interesting.

For real though, bowling was fucking exhausting. Terezi insisted on licking every goddamn ball, to "find the right one", while Vriska kept trying to hit on Tavros, a kid with duel prosthetic legs (which are really fucking cool, and that's saying a lot coming from the ultimate cool kid. Well. On the outside at least).

I tugged off my favorite long sleeved scratch record shirt, keeping my eyes from drifting to my body, while I snagged something to sleep in. I refused to continue thinking about my evening, because it would take all night to replay every dumb ass thing those idiots did that annoyed the hell out of me.

After putting on my pajamas, I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I hate doing it, but I like my teeth to be shiny white. Plus I don't like having bad breath. While scrubbing, I heard the door open and close. My bro must have finally gotten home from that dj gig he had tonight. I looked up at the clock on the bathroom wall and rolled my eyes. 12:28 am. I put the brush back, exiting the bathroom to go see him. He jumped a bit when he saw me, then recovered and went back to his blank poker face.

"Why're you still up li'l man?" He asked, grabbing some apple juice out of the cupboard. We both have a very unhealthy obsession with the stuff, but neither of us cares. It's fucking delicious. After he took a swig he handed it to me and I did the same, shrugging.

"Went out with some friends and didn't get back until a little bit ago." He nodded, taking another swig when I handed it back, before putting it back in the cupboard. "You going out again this weekend?" I asked, hoping that maybe for once he'd say no and we could actually hang out like we used to.

"Yeah, Jake has some things planned, so I'm gonna be at his house all weekend," my face fell a bit at that, though I didn't let him see it. It wasn't all that surprising, and I don't know why it still hurts, but every time I hear this answer, it does hurt. "I'll be back by Sunday night, and if you wanna invite anyone over or go somewhere, just be safe and don't trash the place."

Ever since he and Jake started dating about a year and a half ago, this has been a familiar Friday night conversation. I'm not stupid, I know they're fucking, and I use weekends to chill with my boyfriends as well, but I miss my big brother. Even though I know why things are the way they are.

I nodded and he gave a slight nod back before heading off to bed without another word, giving a little wave behind him. I waved back, but my hand faltered, I know he couldn't see me anymore and I know he doesn't care all that much either. I sighed, before starting to return to my room, before deciding against it and heading back to the bathroom.

After locking the door behind me, even though Bro has never, ever checked on me, I found the familiar piece of cool metal taped to the top of the lowest cupboard and sat down on the toilet after closing the seat.

I sighed, running my fingers through my bleach blonde hair. I know John and KK would flip if they knew, but that's just it. They DON'T know. As far as they know, I stopped months ago, and I don't have the heart to tell them. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my thighs, carefully avoiding the angry red marks, and put my head between my knees.

It's just so frustrating, the guilt is killing me. But I just don't feel sane without the pain. Tomorrow is Saturday, and John's excited about a new comedy that just came out in theaters. Of course, Karkat really wants to see another chick flick, so we had to comprise. And see both. I'm not really looking forward to it, but I won't miss out on an opportunity to spend time with my dorks. I honest to god love them more than I can explain.

Not that I say it often. I feel guilty for that too, I can't bear losing them and they deserve to know that I care, but I think they understand. They have their own demons to deal with, and I do my best to use actions rather than words.

I sighed, giving up. Dwelling on my life story just makes this take that much longer, and only increases the guilt. I took a deep breath, pushed Karkat and John from my mind, and began my nightly ritual.