Author's Notes: I got the idea for this when watching Aubrey, the scenes where Mulder and Scully are in the autopsy bay eating chicken. I had a random thought that it would be rough being locked in there without food or drink, and the story was born.
Spoilers: None.
Thanks so much to Alia for taking the time to proof this and make some invaluable suggestions despite her hectic, stressful schedule.
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Locked
By Suzanne L. Feld
Rated PG-13 for language
"Scully, there's nothing in here. Nothing at all!"
Thunk.
"Mulder, what was that?"
"Sounded like the door being locked."
"Shit, you mean we're…"
"Yeah. Locked in here. And the light switch doesn't work."
Low, repetitive thuds.
"Hey! Someone's in here! Let us out!"
"I don't think pounding on the door is going to do it, Mulder. I doubt anyone outside can hear us. Did you see how thick it was?"
"Shit."
"Yeah."
…
"Turn off the flashlights, save the batteries."
"Knew this had to be just too damn good to be true."
"If I say—"
"If you say it I'll find you in the dark and hurt you. I respect you in every way possible, Scully, but a 'told you so' right now would be worthy of a pinch at the very least."
"Then I'll just sit here and think it quietly."
"Where are you?"
"Right side of the door."
"I'm on the other side."
A low rattle.
"Yeah, it's locked from the outside."
"Look at the good side, Scully. It's Sunday night and there should be someone coming to work Monday morning."
"Tomorrow isn't a holiday, is it?"
"Not that I know of."
"Mulder, you've gone to work on Christmas and Thanksgiving not knowing what day it was. The only holiday you remember is Halloween."
"And since you send cards for President's Day I'm sure you'd know if tomorrow was a holiday or not."
"That was a joke, Mulder, a joke."
"Har de. What time d'you think they'll come to work in Podunk?"
"In the morgue? I have no idea. Most cities are twenty-four hours, but there clearly aren't enough deaths in this burg for that. I'm kind of surprised they even have a morgue."
"Probably because the highway runs right past it. Damn, it's cold."
"Could be worse if the blower was on."
"Thanks for that, Madam Optimist. Be better if the heat was on."
"There's no heat in a morgue locker, Mulder. We're lucky it's off because there are no corpses and all we have to deal with is the residual cold."
"Ew. Guess it could be worse, we could be locked up with a bunch of dead people who are just no fun at all. Do you think we could shoot the lock out?"
"Only if you're willing to risk a bullet ricocheting around in here."
"Fuck."
"Yeah."
…
"You asleep?"
"No, but wish I was."
"Me too. Wish I could see what time it is but I don't want to turn on a light."
"I don't think we've been in here more than an hour. Tops."
"God, seems like forever."
"It is a little dull, I have to admit." Low rattling. "Are you still trying the door?"
"Can you think of anything better to do?"
"No, but why bother?"
"If it's the cotter pin type, maybe I can jiggle it out. Or if there's a janitor around he may hear it."
"Knock yourself out, Mulder. I'm pretty sure I remember it being a standard deadbolt, though, and I doubt it can be heard from outside."
"Dammit!"
"Yeah."
…
"I thought you were the glass-half-full type, Scully."
"I'm a realist, Mulder."
"You're no fun, that's what you are."
"I'm not the one who insisted on chasing the rumor of an alien corpse into—"
"It wasn't a corpse, I keep telling you! It was another Erlenmeyer flask."
"Does it really matter at this point, Mulder? We're trapped in a morgue locker at three a.m. in where was it, Zicker, West Virginia, which isn't big enough to have a twenty-four-hour attendant, our phones can't get a signal in here, and—"
"If there was someone here we couldn't have snuck in so easily."
"Yeah, there is that. And it made a perfect setup."
"Setup? You think we were setup?"
"And you don't?! Mister Trust No One thinks this was accidental?"
"It hasn't occurred to me yet is all."
"Don't sulk, Mulder."
"I'm not sulking!"
"I can hear it in your voice."
"You hear thirst and hunger."
"You just had to mention thirst, didn't you?"
"Did you know that the—"
"If you say some Indian tribes drink their own blood or urine it'll be my turn to hurt you."
"Now I'm sulking."
"Great."
"Yeah."
…
"Perhaps we should talk about something else."
"Like how cold my feet and nose are?"
"You want me to comment on your nose?"
"Like yours is any less distinctive."
"Are you trying to pick a fight, Mulder?"
"Might keep us occupied and make the time go by faster."
"I'd rather sleep, thank you very much."
"I'm too cold to sleep."
"Then get over here and we can huddle together, put one coat under us and the other over."
"Oooh, Scully, are you coming—"
"Say it, Mulder, and you stay cold on that side of the room. On top of being hurt. Did you know that extreme blood loss can make you feel really cold?"
"All right, all right. Jeez."
"Make sure our phones and the flashlights don't fall out of the coat pockets when we take them off."
Shuffling, thumping, and a thunk.
"What was that?"
"A flashlight?"
"Don't be flip, Mulder, I have a sharp heel and you have a vulnerable ankle."
"You're also a doctor and can fix me after you break me."
"You're assuming I want to fix you after I break you."
"Damn."
"Yeah."
…
"Move this way, Mulder, your arm's more comfortable than your chest."
"You're taking advantage of me."
"I am. You're bigger and warm even if you do wiggle around too much."
"Oh my God, Scully, you agreed with me."
"Don't get used to it. Don't even think about getting used to it."
"Hey, quit taking all the coat."
"I'm half your size, Mulder, I'm using barely a quarter of it."
"And yet you've got most of my coat over you."
"Be glad I wore my heavier wool coat instead of my London Fog or Burberry trench. At least we're fairly well insulated from the cold floor."
"Yeah, it does help. This is actually pretty nice, Scully."
"Don't get used to it, Mulder. This is a one-time-only thing."
"Oh, so the only time you can bear to touch me is when we're in danger?"
"Hmph. We are not in danger here; we'll be let out soon I'm sure."
"Don't try to avoid the point. Am I really that abhorrent to you?"
"Oh for Chrissakes, Mulder—"
"No, really, answer me. Doesn't it feel nice to be all spooned up together? What's wrong with this?"
"What do you mean? We're partners, in case you hadn't noticed."
"That means we can't find each other attractive?"
"I never said that I didn't find you—"
"Don't stop now. Didn't find me what, Scully? Attractive? Sexy? Hot?"
"I'm taking the Fifth on you and your enormous… ego."
"Oh, uh, that… sorry."
"Don't be."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
…
"Well, that was fun."
"It was. And it passed the time quite nicely."
"What now?"
"Sleep?"
"I'm kinda wound up after that. Endorphins, you know."
"I'm going to see what time it is; shield your eyes, Mulder."
"Damn that seems bright!"
"Shit, it's almost seven a.m. Someone should be here by now!"
"I'm going to try the door again, leave the light on while I bang on the…"
Hinges creaking.
"Are you kidding me, Mulder?"
"No, it appears the door is unlocked. And possibly has been for some time. Do you think it could have been that thud a while ago we thought was a flashlight or cell phone falling out of one of our coat pockets?"
"I'd do one of my father's favorite old Navy swears but I am just too damn tired."
"Uh, Scully? Your shirt is on inside-out."
"Turn your back while I fix it, Mulder, and make sure there's no one around."
"Certainly wish I could have seen you doing sit-ups in just your bra."
"I'll bet you do, Mulder. I just bet you do."
"Maybe next time we can think of something better to do than exercise in the dark."
"Dream on."
"Yeah."
finis
