A response for a prompt found on tf_rare_pairing comm on LJ: Optimus/Jazz A moment of downtime

Warnings: character death


After the battle at Mission City the first down time Optimus found for himself hit him like a shot from Ironhide's cannons, leaving him reeling and hurting. Usually it would be Jazz who would either sit with him in companionable silence, or made him talk or let Optimus connect to him and pour the emotions and worries of a leader into the systems of his friend.

It had been their own down time, the only time when they could be together. Leader and soldier, friends... and here Optimus' processor hiccuped before he let himself call them lovers.
They had shared the pain of lost comrades, the heavy burden of leadership and the secrets of the spy.

Jazz had always been there for him, whenever Optimus needed him.

And suddenly Jazz wasn't there; He was gone and Optimus couldn't deny that it hurt much more than he would ever expect it to. He felt lost without the support of his second, his spark aching to be relieved of the burden contracted in shame for his selfishness. His friend was dead, and he wanted to throw the burden at someone. That wasn't right.

But he was only a Mech, imperfect and in need of someone stronger than him. Ratchet had offered his sympathy and his port to help Optimus deal with loosing Jazz, and there was always Ironhide; silent but loyal to the point of offering his port as well, but they were not Jazz.

Optimus vented in some more of the air trying to cool down his systems, realizing suddenly that he missed Jazz much more than he was supposed to miss a friend. That somewhere along the way his Spark had started considering Jazz a lover, and there was nothing that could heal this wound now, even time.

Where had his control slipped, where had Jazz became more? He couldn't pinpoint the moment, but it had happened and now Jazz was gone and Prime had to be strong. If not for himself then for the memory of Jazz.

He offlined his optics and turned his face-plates into direction of the hot, refreshing sun. If he concentrated, he could still hear Jazz's joking words.

"Don't store it up in yourself, Optimus. You ain't got Teletraan One's memory." Yes, Jazz wouldn't want him to brood. He would like him to draw strength from this. With a sigh of his vents Optimus moved and bid his down time finished. One didn't have much down time available being a Leader, but he was fortunate enough to have loyal soldiers and friends beside him, one that will mourn with him the loss of a friend, the loss of a lover.