"If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does."
"Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by."
-The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most-
Dashboard Confessional
My name is Isabella Swan. I live in Forks, Washington with my dad, Charlie. I am 18 years old.
I have no sisters or brothers. I really don't mind so much. I am better off doing things alone, on my own, than in a group. Even if it was family. Thankfully, Charlie is the same way.
It was the end of summer. September 3rd. All around me, people were moving briskly across sidewalks. Everyone in sweaters and jeans. Except for me.
Looking down at my t-shirt, my pale, bare skin free in the mid morning breeze. The cool air didn't bother me. I quickly shuffled my feet, shifting my backpack from one arm to the other.
College.
At least it's better than the alternative. Senior year of high school, again. I groaned quietly as I walked into the writing lab.
The soft whir of computers hummed in the back of my head. There were three other students in the room as I took a seat. Quietly laying my bag on the ground next to my feet, I sat back in the hard plastic chair and began a practiced fidget with my fingers.
The room was starting to fill with with students. I listened to their idle chatter as they met their new lab partners. There was a girl toward the front of the room, whose voice was so nasally it literally pierced my ears. I cringed as she spoke with the boy next to her. He obviously didn't mind the pitch. He leaned into her, smiling. Even though he was far from my "type," something in the way his eyes lightened made me wish, even for the quickest moment, that I could have that. Someone who adored me.
Frowning, I pushed at the textbook in front of me.
No one would look in my direction. They just didn't. Some part of them knew better. Oh, I got looks, here and there. Lingering stares from the bolder ones. In general, people kept to themselves. Their eyes turned down, chins tilted away.
It was all the same. Every once in a while someone would venture to toss a smile my way. I very rarely smiled back. To do so would draw them closer. Pull them in. That's the last thing I would want.
To be surrounded by people, and still be alone, was a hard concept to swallow. Even for someone like me.
I stared straight ahead at the empty computer screen, willing the words to come. I needed to finish this assignment and get the heck out of this small room that was vibrating with life.
As my fingers clicked smoothly along the keyboard, it hit me like a crushing wave.
An intoxicating aroma filled my entire being; saturated my mind.
From across the room I looked up into emerald green eyes. A slight flicker of awareness lit them for a moment before turning quickly from my gaze.
In that briefest of moments, I knew my fate, as well as his, was sealed.
As his neck bowed over his laptop, one large hand came up and pushed the hood of his sweatshirt away from his head. His hair was everywhere. A riot of waves in brilliant coppery colors.
Something moved inside of me.
I watched his jaw flex slightly as he worked. It looked as though he hadn't shaved in days. My eyes drifted to the strong pulse at his throat.
I felt my own tighten. Burning.
The room suddenly becoming much too small, his scent everywhere. Surrounding me. So tempting. I could reach him quickly. He'd never see it coming.
As the realization of what I was doing came sharply into focus, I bit down tightly, my teeth clenched. The shrill ringing in my ears triggered movement in the room.
Tearing my eyes away from him, I grabbed my bag and book and left the room, breezing quickly past the mingling students unnoticed. I hoped.
I exited the building, pulling cold damp air into my lungs. I didn't stop moving until I had reached my truck. I quickly threw the old beast into gear, listening to the engine roar loudly and pulled away from campus.
"Shit," I ground out under my breath. Late. A quick glance in the mirror was enough to make me pull my hood up. Anyone who passed would assume it was because of the weather, but based on my reflection, I was electrocuted while I slept. As I stepped out the door, the cold, wet air hit my face. I assumed my typical stance, head down, and made my way to the computer lab, berating myself for my lack of punctuality.
The computer lab's door was propped open and no instructor had shown yet. Discreetly surveying the room from beneath the hood, I moved toward an open seat. Newton was already hitting on some new chick in the front row - probably a freshman. I nodded upward, subtly acknowledging his presence as I passed by, focusing on the empty seat that was calling my name.
Feeling around in my bag for my laptop, I realized I hadn't brought my brick. Wow, Masen, stellar job. First day and you're already failing at this. Grams would be proud.
I moved my hand to my forehead in frustration, raking my fingers through the front of my hair, just beneath my hood as the system loaded. A third of a battery. I might survive this class after all. Some grad student would show up any minute, pass out the syllabus, and I'd be on my way.
Where was this guy? My eyes shifted from my blackberry, resting beside my computer, to the obnoxiously large clock on the wall. Nearly in sync. Not wanting to provoke small talk, I kept my head down and hood up.
The instructor finally walked in, looking like he was about to piss himself. This was a blow-off class. An easy A. Nobody took entry level computer classes for the intellectual stimulation. I took a paper from the stack, passing the rest to the girl behind me.
Someone was looking at me. It wasn't the hair on the back of my neck thing, but someone was definitely looking at me. After the accident, I became very aware of the eyes on me. Even at eight, the sympathetic looks of passers by made my heart pick up speed. I could sense them. And I sensed it now.
Stealing a glance around the room, I found them. Her. Her eyes. Quickly returning my eyes to my computer, my hand instinctively moved to my hair. In an attempt to rake through it, I managed to pull my shield down. Exposed. Hood down. Shit. I tensed my jaw, teeth grinding slightly as my heart rate picked up.
Pretending to be riveted by what was being read off the page, verbatim I might add, I focused intently on the syllabus; underlining words on occasion to appear as if I was paying attention while my thoughts raced.
Did she know? Did someone tell her? Get a grip, Masen. It's been a dozen years. She doesn't know anything. I swallowed thickly against the memory in an attempt to calm my speeding pulse.
A low roar from the masses signaled the hour was almost up. People were beginning to shift in their seats, computers turned off. She was still looking, her eyes nearly boring holes through me. The clock rang out on the hour and I exhaled heavily. Shoving my laptop back into my bag, the syllabus tucked inside it, I mustered up the nerve to face her. I turned my face toward the direction she was sitting - empty. Where did she go? I looked at the sea of people heading toward the door. Gone. She had been there, hadn't she?
Newton was still preoccupied. I clapped a hand against his shoulder as I passed, not wanting to instigate a conversation. He called out to me, but my ears were buzzing from the rush of blood, my cheeks flushed. I hurried through the door, lifting my hood as the damp air hit my face. An old rusty truck blew past me on the sidewalk, the engine struggling as it shifted gears. My eyes narrowed toward it, frustrated by the distraction, my search interrupted.
Sighing, I threw my backpack over my shoulder and sulked back to my apartment. What did she want? Why was she... staring... like that? With those eyes. Those... piercing eyes. Did she moisten her lips? I struggled to remember. She was... captivating. Almost... cute. No, not cute. She wasn't a kitten, Masen. She was... enticing?
By the time I made it to my room, I knew. I had to meet her.
I cut the engine as I pulled into the gravel drive. Charlie wasn't home yet.
When I got inside, I immediately went upstairs to my room, closing the door behind me. I grabbed the remote for my stereo and turned it on; smiling when one of my favorite songs came through the speakers loudly.
I settled into an over-sized, cream colored chair in the corner and drowned myself in thought.
I was in trouble. And even more, the copper headed guy that was in the lab today was not only the cause, but maybe the cure.
Shaking my head as images bombarded me one after the other. Quick flashes of his hair, what it would be like to feel those crazy strands between my fingers. His strong jaw, as my lips moved over the stubble and down his neck. He would be completely oblivious to my intentions. His pulse hammering wildly as my lips drew back, teeth grazing the soft skin... crap! Stop. Stop. My throat was tight and the burn was driving me insane.
I closed my eyes briefly and saw his emerald ones, shining bright and full of life, back at me from under his dark hood. I needed to get out.
Being still wasn't helping anything. Thinking was making things worse. I just needed to get out, move, fast. Maybe grab a little snack. I laughed quietly to myself as I stood from my seat, singing quietly under my breath as I clicked the stereo off and made my way back downstairs and through the kitchen. The brightest room in the old house. The cabinets were painted a buttery yellow, the floor a bright white linoleum tile. The curtains hanging in the window were old and had lemons printed this way and that.
I reached for the door and stepped back out into the dimming grey light of the day. The fog was exceptionally thick today. The trees were dripping as though it had rained. Droplets hitting my arms and hair as I made my way slowly through the dense forest, listening intently for movement.
