I don't watch "Jerry Springer" Show (I watched it before, and I believed it, really), but not anymore

I don't watch "Jerry Springer" Show (I watched it before, and I believed it, really), but not anymore. So I got the idea how would look like if I bring Harry Potter characters to Jerry.

Jerry Springer's Show 1

"My Father Want me To Marry Woman I Don't Like"

The Guy That Talks (don't know how he is called): And now welcome to your host JERRY SPRINGER

[Instead of Jerry, a girl with brown hair, and dressed in black robes, with cardinal red (love that color, so I always use it) come in. [Everybody boo in the audience, including Dumbledore and McGonagall who are on their first date]

Audience: BOO! BOO! WE WANT JERRY; WE WANT JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY.

[Audience somehow becomes quiet, and then Maria goes]

Maria: I'm sorry to inform you, but Jerry is sick.

Audience: Oh no!

Maria: But I have good news for ya all! I will be hosting!

Audience: Double oh no!

Maria: Now shut up, and if you don't like it you can go your homes.

[Audience starts slowly moving towards the door, but door were locked]

Maria: Did I mention that the guy who's in charge of all of this thought of the possibility that you may want to leave so he locked the door. You'll have to stay here till the end of the show.

Audience: [muttering, and gossiping "the guy in charge"]

Maria: Today's topic is: "My Father Want me To Marry Woman I Don't like". Here we have LUCIUS MALFOY!!

[Lucius Malfoy comes out, and sits on one of the chairs]

Ron Weasley (from the audience): That's the Death Eater!

Neville Longbottom (from the audience also): Death to Death Eater!!!!

Severus Snape (dressed as Neville's gran, he adopted Neville, and now he's making him up that Neville lost his gran): Shut Up Longbottom. [Snape pulls Neville for his shorts, and Neville sits down]

Maria: So Lucius, have you always been so handsome or is it just today for me?

Lucius: Both. I am already handsome, but this is especially for you today.

[Maria blushes. Everyone know that she has BIG crush on Lucius Malfoy]

McNair (from the audience): You can flirt somewhere else. GET TO THE TOPIC!

Maria: So Lucius, you have problems with your son?

Lucius: Unfortunately.

Maria: What happened?

Lucius: Well I don't know how to say this… it's shame for name of Malfoys,… but Draco wants to marry a Mudblood.

Audience (gasping and muttering something for themselves)

Maria: I'm really sorry.

Lucius: Hey wait you are interweaving me, and you still didn't tell me are you pureblood, half blood, Mudblood, or just a filthy Muggle?

Maria: Well I am a pureblood. But my mother was a vampire.

Lucius: Don't mind that, my father was a vampire, too.

Maria: Really

Lucius: I'm not lying.

Voldemort (from the audience): Maria it's so obvious that you have crush on Lucius, but if you don't start hosting this TV show normally, I will have to cancel it, and Jerry will lost his job.

Maria: Ok, OK, I will act normally [I just afraid that Jerry might lose his job, and he'll fail all those faithful people that love his great show]

Lucius: Yes Master, what ever you say.

Maria: So who's that Mudblood?

Lucius: That Hermione Granger.

Maria: She got such a nasty name.

Lucius: Hermione sounds as tough she is fat.

Maria: Well she is she could lose few hundred pounds.

Lucius: And my only son, the only Malfoy heir, Draco. Draco wants to marry her.

Maria: Bad, very bad [Tears start in her eyes, but she wipe them before they didn't ruin her make up]

Lucius: He'll marry someone descent.

Maria: Like that Pansy Parkinson?

Lucius: Yeah she would be good wife for Draco.

Maria: Well here she is: PANSY PARKINSON [Pansy comes out with her broad smile, and pink robes, and red make up]

Audience: BOO! BOO!

Maria: Hello Pansy!

Pansy: Hello. [To Lucius] Hello father-in-law

Lucius: Hello Pansy.

Maria: So Pansy, do you like Draco?

Pansy, Lucius: Of course that I/she do/does!

Maria: Good for you two. Now Let me se what Draco thinks. And I give you DRACO MALFOY!

[Draco strolled into the studio]

Maria: Hello Draco!

Draco: Hey Maria? Whuzup?

[Lucius looks at Draco with his cold gray eyes]

Maria: Nothing much. I'm fine.

Pansy: Hello Drakeely Sweeteely Malfoy!

Draco: Hello bitch!

Pansy: [screams and that faints]

Maria: Fast someone give her mouth on mouth!

[Hagrid runs on the stage, and gives her mouth on mouth]

Pansy: [dazed] Who are you handsome stranger?

Hagrid: I am Hagrid. Rubeus Hagrid.

Pansy: Oooooooh! [She faints again]

[Hagrid takes her backstage, and they run away together, happy, and in love]

Maria: Lucius, if Hagrid doesn't mind having Pansy that young, do you mind that I'm that much younger then you?

Lucius: Why would I. [He starts going towards her, but when he sees Voldemort he stops]

Maria: So now we lost Pansy, anyways she didn't worth being your wife Draco

Draco: I agree with that. She was stupid, and run away with that hairy monster.

Maria: And now HERMIONE GRANGER!

[Hermione comes out; Lucius tries to get on her, but bodyguards grab him on time]

Hermione: Hello Maria

[Lucius looks at Maria, with look "You can't be nice to her"]

Maria: Shut up you Mudblood

Hermione: Draco she is being mean to me. Do something.

Lucius: He won't do anything. Won't you Draco?

Draco: Nah. First Hermy, I call you a Mudblood, so too bad. Second I like the girl, she may become my mom-in-law, so I don't want to be in bad relationships with members of my family.

Maria: [blushed again] If you say so Draco.

Draco: And I'm really tired of doing ya biddings. An' I'm too lazy for that.

Lucius: So Draco you still want to marry the Mudblood?

Draco: Something like that.

Lucius: I am your father…

Draco: Hello Dad. Ya know, be-fore ya told me I didn really know that we are family.

Lucius: Draco.

Draco: Ok, ok yar my father.

Lucius: Now I want to know what do you see in her?

Draco: Notin. I'm jus rebellious type of dude.

Lucius: I can see that.

Maria: Draco would you like if I would meet you with a girl…

Lucius: Is she pureblood?

Maria: Lucius what do you think that I would like my daughter-in-law…

Lucius: We are not married yet.

Maria: …well my future one, to be a Mudblood?

Lucius: OK I get the point she's a pure blood.

Maria: And she's half Veela. And her name is Fleur.

Audience: Fleur, Fleur, Fleur, Fleur….

Maria: Do you want to meet Fleur Draco?

Draco: A…

Hermione: Of course he doesn't.

Lucius: Well I don't care what does that Mudblood said, he'll meet her. Maria, call Fleur.

Maria: Everything for you Lucius. And now FLEUR DELACOUR!

[A pretty girl with white hair comes out on the stage. Draco who was pensive, jumps when he see her, and propose her on that place]

Draco: Wanna marry me?

Lucius: You better marry him, or else.

Fleur Yes, I want to marry you.

Audience: YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Snape hugs Neville, Dumbledore kissed McGonagall in her mouth, McNair and Voldemort start playing waltz]

[Mendelssohn's Wedding March starts playing, and Fleur and Draco go to the church for the wedding]

Maria: So Lucius, we are finally alone.

Lucius: Yes we are.

Hermione: Oh no I'm here. Lucius you are hot like your son…[Lucius blushes] ….would you take me for your wife instead of her?

Lucius: No, you are a Mudblood.

Maria: But you are still married?

Voldemort: McNair and me can fix that.

Lucius: Thanx boss.

Veldemort: Pleasure is all mine [He and McNair disappear then]

Maria:……. [she can't say anything, because Lucius is kissing her]

~The End~

Finally over. Me and my Lucius Malfoy crush.

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, except Maria, or me, they all belong to wonderful JKR.