Condoms
A fanfictiony...oneshoty...slashy...blank-versy...doohacky...thingy.

(Ah, just another beautiful day in the M section of SpongeBob SquarePants. Matt07 is making everybody LOL, goofgoobers is quietly doing some knitting in the background, and all in all SBob and Sandy are having a great time.
Until -- )

Band Geek: Hidilly ho, neglectarinos! I'm publishing an impromptu M poem!

(Suddenly... silence. Everyone backs away slowly.)

Sorry... couldn't resist. :P
WARNING: some language, lemons implied, and implied MPreg. No like, no flame.
Disclaimer: I don't own SpongeBob. You no sue me. Oh, and this is a Squid-x-Sponge poem. Guess the surprise twist, and you get a cookie.
BGeek.


"And I believe in safe sex. Now gimme the---"
"Please?"
"Never mind please; I am not giving you sex without you wearing a condom. Now gimme the keys."
"But I'm not screwing you yet; I want you to screw me first."
"And I don't want you to ruin my favourite shirt by getting it sticky with lust. Now get outta the way."
"You can just take your shirt off; what's the big deal?"
"Look, for all you know, you could give me an STI when it's your turn."
"So could you, but you're screwing me without a condom."
"A master should never care about the medical well-being of his studs."
"You cared when I fell off and hit my head all those years ago."
"Wha-te-ger-- Look, you've only been a slave for two da--pfft, anyway, that's different. We're not having sex without condoms and that's the end of it."
"Give me one good reason!"
"Well, for a start, have you read that eerie voo-doo book recently? You could probably get me pregnant without a little plastic cap."
"I don't get you pregnant without your permission."
"And you shouldn't prevent me from protecting your dick without permission either. Whatever happened to unconditional obedience?"
"B- come on! There's gotta be a grey area!"
"No no no no no no no no no - remember the slave-master motto:"
"Obedience no matter what is the key to getting you the top spot, I know, I know! But can't we at least make an exception here?"
"Look, I don't know about you, but I've always had condoms in sex."
"Can't there be just one time where we do without? There should be changes in an erotic relationship at some point, surely!"
"I thought I'd already established my dominance tonight; I don't want to have to get out the clarinet again."
"Look, can't you just forget the condoms and fuck me? I'm really horny tonight."
"Pffft. I've commanded over 40 slaves now and that's the lamest reply I've ever heard."
"Come now, I thought masters were supposed to succumb to the need of more sex."
"Youuuu...You're just lucky I haven't got access to the clarinet. Just let me get access to the condoms; you're wearing one whether you like it or not."
"But SpongeBob, I don't WANT a condom!!"