Happy?

Was there every a time I was truly happy in my life. I know there were definitely times in my life that I thought I was happy. If I had to pick out one of the happiest times it would have to be when I had a best friend, a girlfriend, and a Veronica Mars. I've had Veronica Mars a few times in my life, but this was when I had the first Veronica. The innocent Veronica. Sure I fell in love with not so innocent Veronica years later but innocent Veronica also had my heart. I can still see her sitting by Duncan and Lilly's pool in her one piece pink bathing suit stretched out with her eyes closed , blocking out Lilly trying to convince her that one pieces were so out. Her long blonde curls were shining in the sun and when she finally did open her eyes to look at Lilly, those blue eyes of her's sparkled. I think that was the moment I lost my heart to her. Unfortunately for me I think that was also the same moment Duncan fell for her. Even I could see they were perfect for each other and she belonged to Duncan so I graciously moved aside and dated Lilly Kane. The four of us became inseparable and being friends with Veronica was better then nothing. Then happiness ended. I lost Lilly and Veronica all in the same night. Happiness came again though, when Veronica came back to me. But when she came back she was different. Better fitted for me perhaps, well that's how I look at it. I lost myself in the snarky bitter blonde girl. I'm not sure if was truly happy, but if it wasn't happiness it was the closest thing I'd ever experience to it. But then I lost her again. The first cut isn't always the deepest, because losing her the second time hurt far more then the first. Especially losing her to Duncan when I knew she was no longer Duncan's. She was mine. Made for me. Perfect for me. Happiness, or something near that, was gone again. Epic. That's what I told her we were. Whether I meant epic tragedy or just epic in the sense that we'd always find a way back to each other I'm still not sure of. But whatever I meant she saw it to so she, and happiness, returned to be once again. The Happiest moment of my life. There are many images that come to mind when I try and think of that moment. I think if I asked her to take a guess of what it was, she'd guess the night that the 'fabfour" spend on the beach just laughing and talking. I know that was her's. But there's no way that could be mine because she wasn't mine at that moment. My moment is a moment she probably doesn't even remember. We were lying down and it was really late. She thought I was asleep otherwise she probably wouldn't have said it. When she whispered the 3 words I had been dying to hear from her it was the best moment of my life. Best and happiest, same difference. I know your probably thinking 'there together, why wouldn't she say she loves him'. But if you knew her you'd know why. She doesn't like to let people in and she certainly doesn't like them to know how she feels. Well besides her dad and a few others. And now I was one of those few others. Although I wasn't meant to be, I was. And now as I sit here at my desk and she lies in my bed asleep, looking rather cute I might add, I think maybe I am happy. Maybe I was wrong when I said at the beginning of this essay that I was only once truly happy years ago. Maybe I'm truly happy every time I'm with her. Maybe Happiness is Veronica Mars.

Logan closed his laptop and quietly crept over to his bed and crawled into bed next to Veronica. "I love you" he whispered to the darkness. He was almost asleep when he heard her softly reply "I love you to"

Now that was happiness.