My Reality is Nothing Compares to You

Prologue

The beads of sweat slowly dripped off Rachel Berry's forehead as her face twitched slightly in her sleep. Her eyes moved rapidly beneath closed lids, and her whole body had begun to shake the longer she remained in a comatose like state. The sounds of her ragged and unsteady breaths echoed through her apartment loudly as she continued to convulse involuntarily. One would think the combination of movement and noises that left Rachel's petite body would wake anyone; however, that assumption was proven false as Finn Hudson slept soundly next to the young woman. The only acknowledgment of her sleep disturbance was a loud grunt which immediately resulted in Rachel's abrupt awakening.

Rachel's eyes shot open the moment the Giant let out his unconscious protest to her commotion. As she sat up against the headboard and her vision slowly focused, she began scanning the dark bedroom. Her breathing was still uneasy and she began to intake large breaths in an attempt to settle herself, praying the air was not drenched in the scent of freshly sanded Cedar planks.

"I'm home; it was just a dream, a stupid, silly very real dream." She spoke quietly to herself, knowing her whispers would not wake her sleeping boyfriend. "He is gone, snap out of it, Rach." Her attempts at convincing herself there was no more harm headed her way had been successful, allowing her to take in the reality of her present situation. She glanced over to the only pest in the room: the bright, and quite annoying, green light coming from the alarm clock which sat on her bedside table.4:13a.m, the digital block letters read, and Rachel could only let out a groan.

"It was just a silly dream," she repeated to herself once more, and pulled the covers over her head. Rachel's thought process was interrupted by another loud grunt and a large tug on the very blanket she was using to cloak herself in darkness. She dropped the protective sheet and shifted her gaze to Finn, who was in a deep slumber, blissfully unaware of his love's insomnia. Why isn't he awake with me? she thought. He would be awake; he was that one night. The last night she saw him still haunted her dreams.

Rachel closed her eyes tightly and buried her face deep within her hands, trying to drown the memories of the momentous night out of her mind. Much to her dismay, her resistance was futile. Behind her closed eye lids his face was being projected against the black empty backdrop. His ice-blue eyes burning into her soul, his godlike curls untamed, his soft tongue darting out to moisten his lips when he had approached her. She could almost hear his melodic whispers against her ear.

"Rachel, you are so beautiful." His voice was still fresh in her mind; his scorching touch still lingered on her skin, numbing her to everyone else. "I love you so much, please remember that." Her lips still burned with the heat that he left engraved upon them, and her eyes still shone with the emotion he had once given her; the very eyes that had begun to sting with tears that threatened to fall, but she refused to let them escape.

It felt like yesterday that she was in his embrace, close to his chest, their breaths and heartbeats harmonizing together in the silence of the night, but it was not yesterday. In fact, that particular yesterday was seven years ago, soon to be eight years. Why did she still feel like crying whenever his name was mentioned or when his face was plastered on the newspapers? When she slept? Rachel wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as a few teardrops managed to free themselves.

"No," Rachel protested, "you will not cry for him, not again." She shifted slightly, her body brushing against a sleeping Finn, bringing her back to her reality. A reality that existed with her in New York not pursuing her Broadway dreams, despite having graduated from Tisch a year prior. A reality in which she had become close friends with her childhood tormentors, Noah and Quinn Puckerman who lived only a few blocks away from her small apartment. A reality where she became a modern day Mary Jane Watson; diner waitress by day, not so successful off Broadway actress by night; a reality that had her sleeping each night in the arms of her supposed 'spider-man' Finn Hudson, the 'paid by photo' sports photographer for the New York Post. Rachel Berry just had to accept that her reality was one without Jesse St. James.


Jesse St James leaned against the headboard of his large bed as he read his copy of Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities for the third time that week. He was nearing the end of the story when the blonde actress who lay next to him had let out a small whimper from her deep slumber, effectively drawing his attention away from the novel. Jesse had forgotten the woman's name after the second sentence she had spoken to him that evening, but that information did not matter anyway. Her name would never be as beautiful as hers, he thought.

Jesse would normally be spending his time alone and awake. However, after enough pestering from his good friend Matthew, he had taken Matt's advice and asked the semi-talented woman to accompany him for dinner, some drinks, and a night of not-so-satisfying (for him, anyway) sex. Matthew was convinced that a night of pleasure would finally put his dear friend Jesse to sleep. Unfortunately Matthew's magical cure was not so magical after all.

Jesse shifted his glance from the woman next to him, to the alarm clock that sat on his bedside table, and for the first time that evening he caught sight of the time. 4:13 am, the bright letters read. He let out a frustrated groan. Yet another night with no rest had been bestowed upon him that evening. Jesse had known that his change in routine would not be a successful sleeping aid, much to Matthew's protests. Jesse was going through "Stage 2" of his sleep cycle, a sleep cycle that had not changed since his senior year at Carmel High School.

The pattern had become a prompt schedule, much like Jesse himself, and with all the spare time Jesse had (since slumber was yet to arrive) he began to classify the stages he went through. Jesse reasoned with himself that it was so he could 'adapt to the familiar two month cycle', but the reality was he had run out of things to occupy his long waking hours. He had so much time that he had actually made a reference chart, which he kept in his day planner so he could match up the dates of his cycle with his daily schedule (much like a woman does with her menstrual cycle).

It had only been the first week of his insomnia, but the lack of sleep was already starting to take its toll on Jesse's body.

"Another five days," he repeated to the quiet bedroom. "Five days until I will be numb." He grabbed the pillow behind his head and placed it over his face. He tried to smother the little light left in his bedroom, and suffocate the heavy breathing and drowsy murmurs coming from the woman beside him. His eyes began to close, pillow still covering his face loosely. He wanted to sleep, but smothering himself would not be the way to achieve it, so the pillow remained loose on his face so he could breathe.

Jesse's breathing began to deepen and steady and he was surprised that her face had no yet appeared into his mind. With a groan he removed the pillow from his face and sat up, realizing that her face had indeed presented itself within his psyche. Her long brown hair, flowing into soft curls around her face, her warm breath hot against his lips, her voice booming out of her mouth as she sang to him the sweetest melody.

"How could I have been so stupid to think today would be different?" he asked himself as he rose from the bed and pulled another blanket over the blonde who shuddered gently in her sleep. She is beautiful, but she isn't Rachel, he thought as he took in the sight of the girl on his bed and mentally compared her to the woman who haunted his very existence.

Jesse let out a sigh and exited the room, heading towards the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. He had to accept that this was just the way his life was meant to be. He was forced to live with the memory of the great love he had destroyed, he had forced himself to live the rest of his days knowing that nothing would ever compare to what was; nothing would compare to the one woman who changed his life forever. Nothing would ever compare to Rachel Berry.


Jesse's Sleep Cycle:

Stage 1: Stage one, also known as 'Nightmares', would last for the first week and a half of the two month rotation. During that time, his sleep would be filled with vivid nightmares which woke Jesse each hour of the night. The interrupting sleep caused his waking thoughts to be filled with guilt and grief; his emotions had become raw and constantly burned, much like rubbing salt in a cut which constantly gets ripped open after scabbing over. This stage was the one Jesse dreaded the most and, despite all his attempts (including heavy duty sleeping pills), could not prevent from occurring.

Stage 2: Stage two, also known as 'Insomnia', lasted for a period of two and a half weeks and consisted of an insomnia that would eventually numb his emotions. This numbing completed itself at the end of the first week; a week which Jesse always prayed went by as quickly as possible. The first week of this stage was the hardest of all the sleepless nights Jesse experienced, but eventually he would be left in a state of unconscious awareness; he is not awake, and yet he is not asleep. Jesse would ultimately become a walking zombie for the remainder of that stage.

Stage 3: Stage three, also known as 'Delirium', similar to insomnia in the sense that Jesse is awake for the entire process; however, stage three differed in both length and mental processes. The length of stage three was shorter by approximately a week; stage three lasted for a week and six days to be precise, and Jesse had always been precise. In addition, during stage three his mental processes became greatly hindered. Not only would a state of hallucination and confusion be placed upon him, but his body slowed immensely, and his physical exertion had become the only activity which kept him alert during the day time (thankfully his career as a Broadway actor required a lot of physical activity). Jesse's appetite had become affected when a fear of eggs arrived during the second day of this stage. This stage would be immediately followed by stage four, which came with an abrupt entrance.

Stage 4: Stage four, also known as 'Mental Breakdown', a period lasting one day, consisted of regular activity. Jesse would always be prepared and leave rehearsal or wherever he would be early, and spend the rest of his time suffering from a severe emotional breakdown. He would cry until he could no longer feel any liquid within his body, then he would have three glasses of water, and resume his tears. Eventually he would drift into a long fourteen hour nap.

Stage 5: Stage five, also known as 'Jesse's favourite stage', became a time in which Jesse finally felt normal. Despite it being consistently too short, this two week period was the only time in which Jesse had a regular sleep pattern. Eight hours of nightly sleep, a daily early morning start, followed by a daily routine. However, after the first week, Jesse's emotions would slowly resurface and his guilt would emerge as well. After a week of having his senses back, his nightmares would begin again, and the cycle would start anew.


Disclaimer:

I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS (except Matt, the blonde, and eventually a girl named Rylie)

Author's Note:

There are a few things that must be understood. Firstly this is my first fic in a while, and yes it will be a chapter-ed fic. As you know it is a future fic. I want it to be known, the egging did not happen as in the TV show. I also want it to be known that ALL the information of their high school romance will be revealed in time.

Second I left Jesse's sleep cycle as a "reference," much like JRR Tolkien does with his stories and how he has the maps at the back of the book. I will be referring to that cycle in the story every once in a while. So, if i say "Jesse was in stage 3 of his cycle" you might want to read what stage 3 is when you come across it, or beforehand so you are prepared like a boy/girl scout.

Thirdly, I really hope you guys like this, please review. It motivates me to write faster. I do ask you be respectful with the reviews, but if you have any feedback I do want to hear it, good or bad. I love to learn from my readers, and I try to do the same when I review.

AND FINALLY Please check out Common Ground by Gottabeelove. I am her BETA, and she is mine. Her work is FANTASTIC so check it out.

(THIS WILL BE A M FIC IN THE LATER CHAPTERS. I TRY TO MAKE IT AS TASTEFUL AS POSSIBLE BUT IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY 'LEMONS' (which I just recently learned meant sex scenes) PLEASE DO NOT READ THE LATER CHAPTERS. I will mark off which chapters have lemons in them for you if you do want to read it but avoid them.)