Question and Answers
Rating: K+
Spoilers: Season two up
to and including Scar
Summary: There are so
many answers she could give to so many different people.
Disclaimer: I don't
own Battlestar Galactica. I do own this story and all ideas
contained within.
Author's Note: So I've been...hounded;) to write this since Scar aired. So here it finally is.
She misses a rung when climbing up the ladder to her Viper, and the sudden shot of nerves surprises her. It's not a pleasant feeling. Cally asks if she's all right, and she doesn't know what to say. The question and the person asking it mix up in her mind, and there are so many answers she could give to so many different people.
Yeah, I'm all right. I just slipped.
Yeah, I'm good to fly. Haven't drunk a thing.
Most of her answers start with no, I'm not all right.
I'm obsessing over a dead man. I don't know if I want to go back to Caprica because I love him, or because the promise I can't keep is slowly eating away every other feeling.
I can't stop drinking. It kills the pain; it always has. It killed the pain I somehow felt when I left my mom, it killed the pain of being female in a mostly-male academy, it killed the pain when Zak died, and it's doing a good job of killing the pain now. Nothing works better that I've ever found, not even painting. Can't paint here, anyway.
I screwed up with Lee. Went too hard, too fast, but I was afraid if we went slow, I'd have to feel. I'd forget that when it was over, we'd go back to being screwed-up friends. It happened anyway, only now I'm not sure if the friends part exists anymore.
The old man hasn't spoken to me since Admiral Cain's funeral. Another parent hurting me all over again, for the second time since the world ended. What hurts worse is that he stood there and smiled and laughed with the rest of them when Kat made me feel small.
Admiral Cain is gone, and I don't know how I should feel, or how I should have ever felt about her. I can still hear what she told me, not to hesitate. I can still hear behind what she told me, not to hesitate when I go to kill her. She would've gone back to Caprica, or maybe not. I think I could've loved her, the same way I always loved my mother.
I don't know what to feel when I talk to Sharon. I don't even know why I want to talk to Sharon, why I went to talk to her. Information, maybe. But some part of me knows I talked to her to see if maybe there was some part of Boomer left in there. Some part of one of the friends who are slipping slowly away or have already slipped. I didn't feel as sick as I should have when Sharon started talking about people we both know and I didn't recoil as fast as I should have when she tried to put her hand on my knee. I'm still calling her Sharon even though I should call her the Cylon. My mind wants to call her Boomer.
I want it all to stop. Lee didn't want to come back when he was floating in space and I didn't want to pull away when Scar was coming towards me. But I did.
In the end, she says, "Yeah, I'm good," and continues up the ladder.
