If They Have Sex, Will You Read?

AN: Sensitive people may find this a bit offensive, so there's your warning.

Disclaimer: Invader Zim was created by Jhonen Vasquez. Cause he rocks.

            Dib was going to put a stop to this. Right now. He had heard that Zim had been hanging around his sister, his sister. But not anymore, not if he had any say in it.

            Zim was standing in the playground with his back towards our approaching hero, minding his own business. The villain! Dib approached and made sure to stop in such a way that his coat caught in the wind and blew all nifty like.

            "Hey Zim!"

            His enemy turned around. Dib leaned back a bit in alarm. The aliens looked different. His eyes were wobbly, and he had a silly grin on his face. It suddenly hit Dib that the Irken looked so different because he was happy. This was surely a cause for alarm.

            "Ah, foul mouth Dib Human," he sighed joyfully, "do you know what love is?"

            Dib was very taken aback. "Of course I do. Do you?" 

            "I do…now." The Irken sighed again. Then looked at Dib and looked away again quickly. And was he blushing? Dib was sure he must be hallucinating.

            "Ok, Zim. This is getting too weird even for me. I don't even care about it anymore. Go out with my sister, see if I care. I'm going home."

            "WAIT!" Zim shrieked. He raced after the paranormal investigator and grabbed his arm. Dib pulled his hand free and jumped back about a foot, but did stay to listen to what the alien had to say.

            "Don't you see? Gaz is not the one I love. The one I love is…" He blushed again, then looked into his eyes, "you."

            Dib screamed and jumped back another foot. "But, we hate each other. You always try to kill me! You're trying to take over the earth!"

            Zim dug his foot into the ground. "That's just how I show my affection," he said bashfully.

            "Affection? You're an alien! What do you know about it?"

            "You can teach me!" Zim walked closer to Dib, "Please Dib, teach me to love." The green boy leaned into Dib's personal space. The pale boy wasted no time in screaming and running away as fast as he could.

---

            GIR had just finished watching TV and was about to watch more TV when Zim came home. He shut the door and leaned back on it with a grin on his face. It was not the silly grin of love that he wore earlier, but his more famous evil grin of victory. To embellish more on the later point, Zim then let loose an evil laugh that carried itself throughout the house. GIR, oblivious to all, joined in with his high pitched giggles.

            "GIR, do you know what love is?" Zim asked once he was finished crackling.      

"Fuzzy with a cream filling!" he answered, intently watching a commercial.

            "Love is Power. To love a human is to be in control of them, no matter what they think of you in return. Love…is the weakness of the humans. Come GIR."

            "Are we going to eat snacks?"

            "No, but we have much to do GIR. So much to do. We must make use of the time we have. We won't be seeing the Dib human around for quite awhile."

The end.

AN: Ok, I'm back. For those who missed the joke…Zim was only pretending to love Dib. To scare him away. Ok? I actually like how this turned out. I find it funny…but apparently my sense of humor is quite twisted. This was actually inspired by Wobbly Head Bob. All hail the Bob.

If you think about it, Zim is really out of character in this. Just because I don't think he would actually be smart enough to a.) figure out love is a weakness and b.) put on an act like that. But you know…whatever.

 Any Comments, suggestions, or flames are appreciated…except for the stupid ones.