Hello :) this is my second RB story and I have to warn you, this one is going to be quite heavy. When I hurt, the characters I write for tend to hurt as well so if angst is something you don't like to read then I'll warn you to stay away from this one. There'll be small time jumps from part to part, something I've never really done before but I feel that it works for this particular story. I've written this on my phone in a number of sitting and I've tried to catch any typos but if there are any left I apologise. Editing on a phone is quite difficult. I'm currently in a place with an unreliable internet connection so it might be a couple of days before the next chapter. Thanks for reading!
i.
"Shall we go say goodnight to your mommy?" Gail cooed at the almost three month old baby she had just gotten ready for bed. If you had asked Gail a couple of years ago whether she would be down for diapers and domesticity she would have laughed at you.
Gail and Holly had been happily married, happily childless. That was until Traci and Steve's son Zack had been born. The moment she first held her newborn nephew a fire had been lit inside Holly, and Gail knew from the way the brunette's eyes lit up every time she saw him that baby talk was not far away.
They'd been at Gail's parents' cottage when Holly had first brought it up. No bells or whistles, she'd just cuddled Gail close and whispered, "let's have a baby" in her ear. Gail, having known this was coming for months had had a lot of time to prepare and she even surprised herself with the enthusiasm with which she said yes.
Of course the logistics of it all had taken time to figure out but Gail remembered as if it was yesterday the moment they'd both sat in the bathroom, two weeks after their sixth attempt, clutching each other's hands as they waited the three impossibly long minutes. Gail had burst into tears as two blue lines had appeared in the window of the little plastic stick but Holly had insisted on taking another three tests before she finally allowed herself to believe the result.
And almost 3 months ago Paige had been born and the rush of love Gail had felt for her wife and newborn daughter had been unlike anything she had ever felt in her life. And it had just continued to grow, to burn with such an intensity that sometimes it hurt. If you asked Gail now if she was down for diapers and domesticity she'd tell you that it was the only thing she'd ever needed.
Rocking the sleepy baby in her arms Gail pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head before she made her way across the hallway. She kicked open the bathroom door, inhaling the fruity scent of Holly's favourite pomegranate bubble bath as she stepped into the steamy room.
"Got a sleepyhead here to say goodnight mommy," Gail smiled, and Holly balanced her book precariously on the edge of the bath. Gail knelt down far enough for Holly to be able to stroke Paige's head, and her heart swelled as Holly made cute faces as she said goodnight.
"How's your bath?" Gail asked, swirling her free hand in the scented water.
Holly beamed up at her, "it's heavenly, thank you, just what I needed."
"Downstairs is done, I'll put Paige to bed and then come join me when you're ready, no rush, just relax."
"Got something planned for me officer?" Holly asked, her voice dropping an octave as she winked at Gail.
Gail's jaw dropped open in mock shock and she turned around to leave, "Holly not in front of the baby," she called over her shoulder, smirking at Holly who had relaxed back into the warm bubbles.
***
"You're not gonna need clothes," Gail smirked as Holly came into their bedroom wrapped in a towel. The brunette had let her hair down and it fell around her shoulders in soft waves. It had almost taken on a life of its own when she had been pregnant with Paige, and it had grown so much that Gail had been teasing her for weeks that she could have some sort of sexy mermaid thing going on.
Holly narrowed her eyes at her wife, she wondered what exactly Gail was planning since she was dressed in her normal sleeping attire, which granted wasn't very much but still more than what Holly would have on.
Sensing Holly's hesitation Gail rummaged in the bedside drawer and held up a bottle of Holly favourite massage oil. It had a strawberry scent which Gail didn't really care for, but Holly had been all about the fruity scents recently.
"Can't I give my wife a massage after her first day back at work?"
Holly smiled, now it all made sense. Gail cooking her favourite dinner, running her a bubble bath and now this. The brunette realised that Gail had planned this all to make sure she had a relaxing night. It had been her first day back after maternity leave, and Holly had to admit that it had taken more out of her than she thought it would have done.
"Well it would be rude to say no wouldn't it?" Holly replied as she reached for the dimmer switch. Gail opened her mouth to protest but she caught her words before she they tumbled out of her mouth.
Despite the fear that Traci had managed to instil in the both of them their sex life hadn't really suffered much after Paige was born. Apart from the fact that Holly was now uncharacteristically shy about her body, and as much as Gail had tried to drum it into her that she was beautiful as ever, even more so now, she knew Holly was still insecure.
"Get your cute butt over here," Gail smiled, beckoning her over with her finger.
"Cute butt?" Holly raised an eyebrow at the less than eloquent compliment but she went over and joined Gail.
"That's right," Gail grinned, as she pulled Holly down opposite her, "your cute butt."
Holly fought to stifle a sudden yawn, shooting Gail an apologetic look but Gail just smiled softly at her, glad that she'd be right in thinking that anything more strenuous than a massage wouldn't be on the cards.
"If it's too much, you don't have to go back right away, you know that," Gail said softly, pressing gentle kisses to Holly's neck. The blonde had noticed the past few weeks that more often than not Holly was tired, though of course she had tried to hide it and Gail wasn't entirely convinced that Holly was ready to go back to work yet. But she had supported Holly's decision, voicing her concern but backing down when it became clear that Holly had already made up her mind.
"It's not too much, honestly I missed it," Holly explained, stumbling over her words as she was distracted by the feel of Gail's lips ghosting over her collarbone.
"Only you would miss being elbow deep in dead bodies," Gail quipped, looking up and flashing a grin at Holly, "you're a weirdo and I love you," she kissed Holly softy on the lips.
"I love you too," Holly murmured, "and as nice as this is, I think I was promised a massage."
"Yes, yes I did say that didn't I?" Gail said, tossing some of the pillows down to the end of the bed to make space for Holly to lie down. Only once she was settled face down on the bed did Holly shuffle the towel down to her waist.
"Comfy?" Gail asked, as she knelt on the bed next to Holly. The brunette stretched languidly and then turned her head to smile at Gail.
"Perfect," she replied.
Gail brushed aside the hair that swept down Holly's back and kissed the nape of her neck, "you are so beautiful," she whispered, kissing a line down Holly's spine and stopping just between her shoulder blades.
"Oh really?" Holly mumbled, her words muffled but the fact she had her face buried in her arms.
"Yeah," Holly felt Gail smile against the sensitive skin of her back. "I love you. I love every inch of you. I love this," Gail said, kissing the pink birthmark Holly had on her left shoulder blade, "and I love this," the blonde brushed her fingers over the faded white scar on Holly's upper arm that she had had since she'd pulled a cup of hot coffee over her as a child.
"I love this weird patch of skin here that never tans," Gail kissed the top of Holly's right shoulder and Holly giggled. Despite the rest of her skin tanning to a deep honey brown, there was always a pale part on her shoulder that never turned.
"And I love all of these," Holly sighed softly as Gail lavished kisses upon her back, upon every freckle and mark. Gail leaned closer, running her hands up Holly's sides. Holly tensed as Gail's fingers traced over the slightly raised lines that radiated from her hips towards her stomach. The stretch marks were pale and fine and already fading but Gail knew they made Holly uncomfortable. "I know you hate them," Gail whispered, "but I love these too, because when I see them they remind me of the incredible gift you gave me. Gave us."
"Gail," Holly whispered, her voice thick with emotion, "No one has ever made me feel as loved as you do."
"Sei il grande amore della mia vita," Gail whispered, and Holly shivered. The brunette loved it when she spoke Italian to her, "Il mio cuore è solo tua, con te voglio invecchiar."
Holly pushed up off the bed a little so she could lean back and see Gail. "I love you too," she smiled, feeling no shame in the fact her overtired brain had only managed to translate less than half of the words Gail had said. She understood the intonation behind them, and that was enough.
Gail bit her lip and grinned, "I just told you you smelt like an overflowing sewer and you're telling me you love me. Poor effort Holly," she joked.
"No you didn't," Holly smirked before she settled herself back down on the bed. She heard Gail pop the cap of the bottle and the pungent strawberry scent filled the air. Holly wrinkled her nose, the smell was different somehow, manufactured and fake. It was strange, she'd loved that oil when she had been pregnant but now she understood why Gail had an aversion to it.
"Baby can you use the lavender oil instead?" Holly asked, hoping that she had caught Gail before she'd poured it all over her hands.
"Finally come to your senses huh?" Gail joked as she swiftly retrieved the other bottle. She was quietly pleased with the pun but she knew Holly was probably too tired to have caught it.
Gail poured some of the much nicer smelling oil into her hands and rubbed them together, warming the viscous liquid before planting her hands firmly on the base of Holly's back, pushing upwards in a long firm stroke that made the brunette arch her back. Holly groaned and sighed into the pillow as Gail's hands continued to move all over her back, massaging out tension in spots she hadn't even realised she'd been carrying stress.
"Officer Peck has anyone ever told you that you have magic hands?"
"Oh, more than once," Gail replied, and Holly could hear the smile she was wearing as she spoke.
"Hmm, that's nice," Holly said, as Gail ran her thumbs up her neck from her shoulders to the base of her skull. The brunette pushed her face into the mattress, stretching her neck as far as she could as Gail repeated the action, once, then twice, and a third time just on the left side.
"Holly does this hurt?" Gail asked curiously, her thumb pressing a little harder this time.
Holly pushed up off the bed a little bit and turned to look at Gail, "No why?"
"You've got a stubborn knot of muscle there or something I'm surprised it wasn't hurting you."
Holly frowned and reached up to feel the area where Gail's hands had just been. She sat up to give herself a better angle, seemingly forgetting her newfound modesty for the time being as she poked at the lump. The frown deepened when she felt what Gail had thought was a knot. It wasn't muscle, Holly realised, but most definitely a lymph node.
"What is it?" Gail asked, just about managing to keep the worry out of her voice. She knew enough from the look on Holly's face that her own assumption had been wrong. But Holly had been to med school, so she must at least have an idea of what it was. Gail knew enough to know that unidentified lumps were bad news and she looked at Holly for answer.
"It's a lymph node," Holly said simply, tugging the towel out from underneath her and wrapping it around herself.
"A what?" Gail asked, she was sure she had heard the term before but she was a little reassured that whatever it was, it had a name, and it didn't hurt so that had to be a good sign.
"Did you ever fake sick to get off school?"
"Sometimes," Gail replied, no matter how many times she had tried, she had never been able to fool her mother. Even sometimes when she really was sick Gail had been forced to solider on, because that's what Pecks did.
"And your mom would feel for a temperature, and then feel your neck, like this," Holly put her hands on Gail's neck.
"Oh yeah I remember."
"Well sometimes when you're sick or you have an infection or you're run down, your lymph nodes can swell up," Holly explained. She decided to skip the whole lesson on the immune system, she knew Gail wouldn't appreciate it, and she was far too tired anyway, "I have been feeling pretty gnarly lately."
Gail didn't say anything, but gave Holly a knowing glance, "maybe you should go to the doctor, just for a checkup you know," Gail suggested and Holly just nodded in response.
"Holly," Gail prompted. The blonde could tell that there was something on Holly's mind. Her whole demeanour had changed when she had discovered the lump. She knew that Holly was tired but now she seemed worried as well and… a horrible though popped into Gail's head and she pushed it out before she even had a chance to process it.
"It's probably just an infection," Holly said, as if she had read Gail's mind. She went to the dresser and threw on an old university tee-shirt and a pair of plaid pyjama pants before she went back and joined Gail. The massage now abandoned, the pair worked silently in tandem to rearrange the pillows and turn down the covers and as usual, Gail waited until Holly was settled in the bed before she turned off the light.
Gail joined her wife in bed just moments later and almost immediately the brunette curled up next to her. Gail looped her arm round Holly and she snuggled in closer until there was no space left between them. Lavender and tension filled the air until Holly finally broke the silence.
"Honestly Gail the odds are, it's an infection or something okay. I'll go to the doctor tomorrow, get this all cleared up. It's gonna be fine," Holly spoke confidently, mostly for Gail's benefit. She knew that the odds of an infection causing one sided swelling were actually quite low. Still there was no point in worrying Gail any more than she clearly already was. Not until they had any concrete answers.
"I love you," Gail whispered, the vanilla scent of the brunettes hair and the feel of her body in Gail's arms serving to soothe her worry a little.
"I love you too."
They both settled down, knowing that Paige would be awake in an hour or two but neither woman could actually fall asleep. Even Holly, exhausted as she was, couldn't manage to shut her brain off. So they just laid there in silence, holding each other, too afraid to start up another conversation until Paige's cries gave Gail an excuse to get up. And Holly was left alone in the bed, with only her thoughts for company.
*Sei il grande amore della mia vita. Il mio cuore è solo tua, con te voglio invecchiar* You are the love of my life. My heart is yours, I want to grow old with you.
I know absolutely no Italian so if any of the grammar, words, tenses, whatever are wrong, I got it off the internet, and I'm sorry to any native speakers if I've butchered it. This will be about 7 chapters long, with some time jumps between parts, not massive chunks of time, a couple of months is the most I have in the plans for this story but it will follow a linear timeline, there'll be no jumping backwards and forwards like in my other RB story. Thank you for reading and please leave a review if you's like to :)
