HI everyone this is my first Kingdom hearts fanfic and i would just like everyone to know that i have read every possible clouffie there is to read, so i know the ropes pretty well. But as a warning for those who like to think Yuffie is weak and other derogitory terms which i will not name...you can just leave now. I wont accept any flames, but i will accept constructive critisism. Who doesnt? :) But in this, i want people to see yuffie in a new, brighter and yet at the same time a deeper more sensitive light. So, flamers and yuffie haters beware cause u arent welcome here. This story will probably be very different from the ones you have all probably read, because it starts out in the present but it is in diary form...basically yuffie is writing about all of her views on the world and her feelings for everyone she loves, especially Cloud. Well, whoever is reading this, thank u very muchies and R&R please! Oh and the lyrics to the song before each entry is a symbolic meaning for the story. But think of them as bookmarks of sorts, its not singing.

The Present

"Where's my will?

Can I find a way?

The earth is wild,

and i can't sit still.

A familiar sound,

A familiar voice,

Makes it so hard...

to make a choice,

I dont know if I should stay..."

I sang desperately despite how my lungs burned from the lack of oxygen reaching them. Thankfully, the rain covered up the fact that I was crying endlessly. It hurts I'll admit, but I can't find any other way to cope with the pain. Singing always seemed to help, this time it didn't find a solution to my problems...a solution to my life. I needed this, I can't do pain anymore. It hurts too much, every look, every feeling, all of the pain he caused me. I'm leaving Radiant Garden, this is the only way. I'm sorry Cloud, I can't live with this pain anymore.

"My hands are searching for you..."

December 18

The rain...it seemed to always wash away everything I needed it to. It made me feel clean. It was as if the rain washed away my sins, everything I've done wrong, everyone that I had stolen from, every bad feeling I had pushed on someone, everytime I displayed weakness, everyone I hated that hated me for hating them, and everyone I had ever loved that could never love me back- my father Godo, the family I had always wanted and desperately needed but never quite had. Leon- MR-I-HAVE-A-STICK-UP-MY-ASS, he always saw the girl on the outside and never saw the woman within.. But that's always the case, isn't it? ALWAYS! Whenever I was with Leon, I always felt like he never trusted me enough, throught our friendship it's been totally like...you're just a teenager who happens to be a overconfident, overbearing, and annoying ninja brat. He's always made me feel eight instead of eighteen.

Then there's the one person that I love now, Cloud Strife, or in this case "Spikes", "Chocobo Head" "Cloudy" or "Stupid Spikey Chocobo Head." I hate that I love him, love everything about him - his mysterious demeanor, strikingly good looks or the one simply tiny fact that he's DROP DEAD GOREGOUS! But other than that, I hate myself for loving his meanie butt. He's never ever like emotional, AT ALL...kinda like Leon. But yet, Cloud shows his emotion sometimes...I can see it in his eyes. His wonderfully beautiful crystal clear deep oceanic pools. Unlike Leon, however, Cloud aknowledges people somewhat, sometimes he actually answers my questions! Thank gawd someone does or I'd probably go insane...hmm, yep I most definately would. To be honest, I have no idea how I fell in love with Cloud...it just happened I guess. In some aspects, I think maybe I regret it and in some I don't. But I would never ever take it back. From Cloud, I've learned soo much from him, even though he may not know he taught me it. :) Funny right? He always hated the nicknames I gave him...but he never asked me to stop and in some weird way it gave me a boost of confidence. Maybe that was the beginning, maybe it was the end. I never really knew to be honest...I was the only one he'd let call him everything I did. I think his favorite was Spikes...boosted his manly ego...ha! If he only knew, if he only knew.