In this darkness I lay alone, lost in thought, haunted by misery. I try to ignore it but it continues to linger, these thoughts. I stare out the window, trying to lose myself. I am too restless to sleep and every time I close these dark eyes of mine, I am reminded of what happened. The moonlight so bright shines through this window of my room. And yet it does not provide the solace I am searching desperately for. I want to get away and yet these thoughts continue to follow me like wolves chasing down prey. Am I the only one who feels this way?

I haven't heard from the others in days, perhaps weeks. I wonder if they are dead. No, not a chance that they are dead because they are the kind of people who would walk to hell and back several times and still be around to shoot a remark about you. That is the kind of people that they are, people like me. Diehard to the core, loyal to the end or at least that is the kind of person I once was, before this unholy chaos was unleashed. And each time I look in the mirror I am reminded of who is responsible. I was in part and now I regret it.

However my biggest regret is not how I turned out or my participation leading to this crisis, but all the things I could have done and the one person who needed me the most. The person I let down and failed and is now dying. There is so much I could have done, so much I should have done but now it is way to late to ever go back and make things right. I guess I will just have to learn from this so I do not repeat it. I was given another chance, but the man I swore my life to, to serve and protect may never get a second chance. Last I heard he was not supposed to make it through the night.

I somehow cannot bring myself to visit him. I am too caught up in my emotions and pathetic regrets. I also fear that he knows how much I failed him. He was not much of a forgiving person and who knows if he would forgive me. If only he knew how badly I feel. If only I could make things right. I only pray that this man survives, to live to die another day, so I can make up what I have done and I can do things different. So I could go back to protecting him and make sure that nothing else can hurt him. To keep the promise I had made years ago, a promise I have failed to keep, the promise that I would protect him and never abandon him; and yet I have.

That man was the closest thing I ever had to any family. He was like my son in anyway that truly mattered. All the shit he had to face, the beatings, the abandonment from his own family. I was the only one he could turn to, that was when I made my promise, after his mother was found dead in her room. Suicide they called it, but I knew better. I knew that the boy's cold-hearted father had done the unspeakable. I knew then that the boy's father was looking for blood, young innocent blood. I was determined to prevent it. The funny thing is, I was hired to be the boy's bodyguard by the man I was now going to protect the boy from. Strange how that is, is it not? I will never know the details to why this boy had to face this shit.

Life is not fair, they say. And for once I must agree. But they also say one man can change the world. Perhaps that is so, like I said before I was given a second chance. This time I will take advantage of it. So I force myself out of bed, I had to make amends. They said the man might not live through the night; I better not let this moment slip through my hands. I comb my long black hair and brush off my suit. I then grab the keys to that black Mercedes parked on the street and walk out of the room. Hang on my friend, my son, I am on my way as fast as I can fly.