Something like Suicide
Night Zero
Clouds littered the sky letting little to no light through. With the sun barricaded so heavily, it seemed almost as if night had fallen over the small village at the base of the mountains. Although the locals didn't mind it anymore, it was something they had become accustomed to. Most of their lives had been shrouded by the darkness of this place. Over the years they stopped being afraid of being in the dark, and just embraced it as a normal part of their lives.
There were days when the sun shined through. Days threat reminded them of what they were missing out of their small village. Yet they did not leave. They rejoiced on those rare days when even the tiniest bit of daylight broke through the heavy clouds. Stores were closed, parties were thrown. Since the place was so small everyone knew everyone and they all joined in the merrymaking together. The children would play in the small park until the sky grew dark and stars twinkled above them. The women would often laugh and chat, most having to run back to the kitchen from something small as the men would carry on with stories about everyday life. Most might not see this as a party or even a reason to rejoice, but to the people of the gloomy little village, it was. It was a small, rare escape from the darkness of real life problems.
With mountain and trees to the south and a coast at their back, you could very well say they were trapped in the rural area. Most men went fishing and foraging for food. Snow fell often making it hard, but they still managed to feed their families. While the other stayed behind to take care of the homes and children. With everyone so close, working as a family would, they didn't need the necessities of the more modern cities just passed the mountains to the south. Though, sometimes they had harder times than most. Unless the three-day journey to town was made, things like electricity and modern medicine were often neglected.
As nice as it was living in such a peaceful place, where the rest of the world didn't think to touch, things weren't always easy for the people. The work each person had to do to pull their own weight in the village was grueling. Even if there was help from others there were still things that each had to do on their own. Things to survive... Things that he could never do.
Kaoru slumped against his wooden desk, opening his left crystal blue eye just a crack to look at his brother under the curtain of blonde hair that fell into his face. The pencil in his hand heavier than he had remembered. Perhaps he has spent too long writing. Perhaps he was catching a small cold, though he prayed that wasn't the case. If he were to get his elder twin sick, it would be a weeks time before they could see their room again. He hated this village sometimes. Though to blame the village for the problems his family faced wasn't really fair. But then again, life rarely was.
After finding out his brother was sick, their parents the decided to move. They told him the fresh mountain air would do his brother, that the environment would be better and he could be healthy. That was ten years ago. TEN! And yet his brother almost never had the strength to get out of bed. As they both began to reach adulthood, the rest of the village began asking for small favors. Run this here, bring that there. Things that Syo was often too sick to do. It wasn't something Kaoru minded, he could easily do the work of two people to take the burden off his older brother's shoulders, but the harder he worked, the more depressed Syo seemed.
"Ne, Kaoru." Syo called weakly from his bed. His back to his brother to shield his face from the dim candle light coming from the wooden desk.
"Yes, Syo?" Kaoru lifted his head as fast as he could. He had though his brother had fallen to sleep long ago.
"What did you learn at school today?"
"Oh." The younger twin paused. Though the school was small and cluster all the age groups into one cramped building, it was still the high school, for them at least. Syo hadn't been there for at least month now. Since he had become ill their parents kept him home if he showed the slight sign of sickness. "Well, we learned more about fishing skills. Otoya chased me around asking when you would come back. If mother and father won't let you leave soon, he'll probably come banging on our door." Kaoru let a little laugh through.
"Will he bring Reiji-nii with him?"
"I'm not sure. I heard that Reiji-nii-san started doing most of the housework their since their mother passed away." Kaoru's blue eyes looked back down to the words in his notebook. The passing of their friend's mother wasn't something that was easy to talk about. It didn't matter how much time had passed, the hole she left never be filled. "But I'm sure if we asked him to stop by for a while he would happily come."
"No." Syo shuffled, turning over in his bed to look at his younger brother. "Kaoru?"
"Yes?"
"What is it like?"
"What is what like?"
"To be free to do what you want? To be healthy?"
"Syo..."
"You can go anywhere. To school, to the park, to the woods. What's it like to have that kind of freedom? To go where you want with nothing to stop you."
"You're asking the wrong person."
"What?"
"We are all trapped here. In this dark place. Although I hate it, and I miss Tokyo greatly, I am trapped here just like you. I will probably always be trapped here."
There is always something that binds the people to this village. For me it is family. I shall never escape this place for I have no desire to do so. As long as he is here, I shall stay by his side.
Kaoru flushed brightly as he looked at the page. His eyes darted around for his eraser. Something so embarrassing should be written for his essay. It had been a few hours since Syo had actually fallen asleep, the steady breathing like a soft lullaby in the background. For a moment Kaoru just sat there. His eyes stopped their frantic search for the pink eraser and closed. He leaned back into the wooden chair and listened.
The one thing he loved about this village, maybe the only thing, was how quiet the nights could be. From halfway across the room, he could hear his brother breathing, his heart beating. The could hear his brother being alive. For him, that was enough to stay in this backwater place. As long as he had Syo by his side, his other half, he would be fine anywhere. Freezing, starving, he didn't care.
He sighed, stretching his arms back, as his eyes opened. For a moment he started at the folding screen he had set up so the light would not bother his brother as he continued on with his papers.
'Why am I writing this anyway?' He thought. 'If I get accepted into the college in the city I can't watch over Syo anymore. What would be the point then?'
Kaoru sighed again. He lifted himself from the chair, back aching in protest as he did so. His hand hovered for a moment above his notebook, as he decided what to do. He would never leave Syo but enjoyed writing about this place, the people, his brother. So many things he had yet to express, so many things he wanted to say.
His pale fingers pulled the cover closed. Maybe he should keep it just as a hobby. After all, every other fifteen years old had a hobby, what couldn't he?
Edit 6/22/17
Decided to revamp this whole thing.
SK
