I'm still not sure entirely how it started. I don't know when I started liking Scott, and I don't know when he started liking me, and I don't remember what we were talking about before he kissed me the first time. Just that it all happened so suddenly and then we were together. But my dad was…well, he's kind of crazy, and I didn't want him to know, so Scott and I agreed to keep it secret until we both felt we should share.

Fast forward six months. We're still together, and no one knows, not even his best friend Stiles and especially not my father.

"What are you thinking about?" Scott asked as he led me to his room.

"Just us," I replied, closing the door gently. His mom was home but would be leaving for work soon. The benefits of dating someone whose mom worked at a hospital were few, but great. Odd hours were the best part.

"What about us?" He was giving me that look, that sexy look, the look he gave me when he really wanted me.

"Oh, you know," I said, gently pushing him on his bed and straddling him, "just us." I brushed my lips against his, not quite kissing him just yet. "Thinking about your mouth and your hands and…other body parts." I kissed his lovely crooked jaw, nibbled his earlobe, all the things I knew drove him fucking crazy.

"God, just kiss me, Isaac," he said, barely containing his groan as I bit his neck.

"Where?"

"Anywhere."

I smiled, kissing his mouth finally. He arched into me, trailing his fingers under my shirt, squeezing my nipples and scratching me lightly with his nails. I pulled off my shirt and his, slowly running a finger down his chest as I kissed his neck and collarbone. My hand slipped under his jeans and boxers, touching his erection lightly.

"God," Scott breathed, a hand running through my hair, "this feels so good."

We hadn't fooled around for about ten days, since we couldn't find private time that much. It was hard, keeping our relationship secret, but it was definitely worth it. It was exciting, knowing we could get caught at any—

"Scott, I'm off to work." Mrs. McCall opened her son's door without knocking and now stood staring at two half-naked boys.

"Fuck," I said, jumping off and grabbing my shirt. Of course, now our bulging crotches were visible and prominent.

"Mom, I can explain."

"I think I can see what's going on," she said. "I don't want to interrupt. I'll see you later."

"Mom, wait," Scott said, pulling on his shirt. "You can't tell anyone."

"Why not?"

"Because my dad will kill me," I said. "Please."

"Are you two…safe?"

"Mom!" Scott groaned, rolling his eyes. "Yes. We are."

"Okay. I won't tell. But I need to go to work now. Bye." She left, closing the door.

"Well, my boner's gone," Scott said, getting off his bed.

"Mine, too."

I sat at his computer, wishing his mom hadn't interrupted. We haven't kissed in a week and now the magic was gone. I still wanted him, more than anything, but it was awkward now.

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Scott."

"I know you didn't want anyone to know."

"It's fine. Your mom won't tell."

"Well if we're okay telling people—"

"I didn't say that. You are not telling Stiles, or it's over. Okay?"

"Isaac—"

I got up and went towards his door; he grabbed my arm and kissed me. I leaned into the kiss, pushing him back on his bed and straddling him again. He yanked off my shirt and his fingers started working at my belt. I kicked off my pants and slid his down, not wasting time with foreplay anymore. I took his dick in my mouth, running my tongue along his slit, swallowing the precome that leaked out of it. I knew his body language so well, so I stopped moments before he came and kissed back up his torso and aligned myself at his entrance.

"God, just fuck me already," he moaned.

"How much do you want me?"

"So fucking much."

"How hard?"

"As hard as you can. Just please, fuck me."

I smirked, kissed him hard, and pushed into him. He was still so tight, even though we'd been having sex for a few months. Of course, he wasn't bottom all the time, but enough that he shouldn't still be this tight and inviting. I fucked him into the mattress, trying to go as fast and hard as I possibly could. Soon he was coming all over his chest, and I was filling him up, both of us moaning loudly. This is why we didn't have sex that much; we were both moaners and we needed the house to ourselves.

I pulled out and collapsed next to him, panting. He reached for the tissues and cleaned himself up while I got dressed.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Scott asked as I grabbed my shoes and coat.

"I'm not really supposed to be out much. You know my dad."

Scott sighed, reaching for his own clothes. "I just…I feel…I feel used when you leave so quickly after sex."

"Scott—"

"I get it, I do, but it just doesn't feel good."

"You know I love spending time with you."

"I know but I want to spend more time with you."

"We're not telling my dad."

"That isn't what I mean, Isaac."

"Then what the hell did you mean?"

"I want to tell Stiles. He's my best friend and deserves to know."

"No. Sorry, but no. If we tell one person, it'll get out, and my dad will find out. And then he'll kill me." I turned and walked out the door, not stopping when he called out my name. I couldn't deal with this. I knew exactly what he wanted to say and I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to hear him say he loved me.


I didn't see Scott again until Lydia's party a few days later. We often had a few days apart because of the situation with my dad. No one thought it was weird because no one knew we were dating. He tried to pull me aside for over an hour before I couldn't ignore him anymore.

"What is it?" I asked, sipping my punch (which tasted like whiskey).

"I'm sorry," Scott said, his hands fidgeting. "For what happened."

"Look, Scott, you know I love being with you and I sure as hell love sleeping with you, but I don't get why we need to tell people. I mean, we're just having fun, right?"

"Isaac, I love you."

I almost dropped my drink; my stomach clenched. "Scott—"

"No, just listen. I realized it the other day, when my mom found us, because I didn't want her to know I was gay either, but then I was with you, and you're perfect for me and I love you."

I shook my head, put my drink on the nearest table, and started to leave.

"Isaac, wait!" Scott grabbed me and looked me in the eye. "I'm in love with you and I don't care who knows it."

"Yeah, well I'm not, and I do." I yanked my arm free and almost ran to my car. Starting the car, I turned the radio really loud and screamed for a few seconds. I knew he would say that, that's why I've been ignoring him, I just fucking knew he'd say it. And now it had been said and neither of us could take it back. He'd ruined it. We were having fun and he'd ruined it.

But as I drove home, I couldn't blame him for telling me. We'd been together six months and I knew he felt that way, but it just sucked to hear it because I didn't want it to be that serious. I just wanted to have fun. I didn't want to tell my dad I was gay. I didn't want to be kicked out of my house. I didn't want to admit that I loved him back.


Scott tried calling me about five times that night, but I never answered. He texted me seventeen times before I went to bed, and I had to turn my phone off so I wouldn't keep receiving the damn texts. But I couldn't sleep, not knowing he was so upset. So I turned my phone back on and let the five new texts come in before texting him: "I need to sleep, can we talk tomorrow?" He texted back: "Yeah, sure, see you then." He added a little smiley face at the end.

"Isaac!" My dad was calling from his room, which was right next to mine. He must've heard my phone vibrating so much with all the calls and texts. I got up and went to his door, which was open. "Who the hell are you texting?"

"A friend from school," I said quickly. "He's having a mental breakdown and needed to talk to someone."

"Well tell him to find someone else. You know guys don't talk about their feelings."

"Dad—"

"Go to bed, Isaac Lahey."

I nodded, running back to my room and crawling under the covers. Dad didn't often hit me, but he did it enough to scare me. I somehow managed to fall asleep, but my dream was about Scott.


I was able to avoid Scott for the entire school day, but I couldn't avoid him in the locker room when we were getting ready for lacrosse practice. He picked a locker right next to me.

"Can we talk now?" he asked, not looking me in the eye.

"Look, Scott," I started, not sure exactly what I wanted to say. "I just…I can't. What you said last night, I just can't—" But I had to stop talking because our coach was walking towards us.

"Lahey, McCall," Coach said, "have you heard from Danny?"

I shook my head. "Not since last week, no."

Coach sighed. "Jackson says he was bullied off the team. Do you know anything about that?"

My stomach dropped. Danny was the only openly gay kid on our team. I'd seen some kids messing around but I didn't know it was that serious.

"Yeah, Coach," Scott said. "I heard Greenberg say some pretty awful stuff to him."

Coach swore. "Okay, you two keep an eye out for Danny, I'll have a little chat with Greenberg." He walked off.

"You heard Greenberg bully Danny?" I said quietly, trying not to show my anger. "There's a known homophobe on our team and you want to start telling people about us?"

"I don't want to tell Greenberg, I want to tell Stiles."

"Yeah, and Stiles can't keep his goddamn mouth shut."

"Shut up, Isaac, he can too!"

"McCall!" Jackson called from the door leading to the field. "Let's go!"

Scott sighed and grabbed his helmet. It took me a minute to compose myself before following him out the door. I knew Greenberg was an asshole, I just didn't know he was homophobic. All the more reason to not tell people about me and Scott. My dad was bad enough. My teammates? That would be hell.

"Lahey, McCall! You're up for scrimmage!"

I rolled my eyes, putting on my helmet and crouching in the field near Scott. I had to block him from reaching the goal. While we were waiting for Coach's signal, I looked into his eyes.

"Please don't tell anyone about us," I said quietly. "Please."

Scott looked into my eyes, an odd look on his face. I couldn't read his expression. But he nodded just as Coach blew into his whistle. Scott rushed forward, but I blocked him successfully.

"Excellent, Lahey!" Coach said. "Whittemore, Stilinski, you're in!"

Scott and I sat on the bench together. I tried not to look at him.

"Isaac—"

"Stop, okay? Just…stop." I sighed. "I need to process this."

He nodded, moving further down the bench. I was glad he did; I just needed space.


I was quiet at dinner that night. Quieter than usual. And my father noticed.

"What's up?" he asked, opening his third beer bottle of the night.

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that shit. Something's up."

I sighed. "It's just stuff, Dad. Just…personal stuff."

"Girl stuff?"

"No. Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"It's nothing, Dad. I'm fine."

He frowned. "Are you having sex with that Erica girl?"

Erica was my friend, and she was gorgeous, but I didn't think of her like that. "No, of course not."

"Then why did I find condoms in your bag?"

My stomach sank. He sometimes looked through my stuff and I was stupid enough to keep our condoms in my backpack. I had meant to move them to my locked drawer but I'd been distracted by homework.

"As long as you're safe, I don't care who you're sleeping with."

"Really?" He had sounded so sincere. He didn't care as long as it was a girl, or he didn't care at all?

"Really. You're, what, seventeen now? Old enough to make your own decisions."

"Then I guess there's something I need to tell you." I was shaking from nerves, but this conversation needed to happen. I needed to tell my dad before I could talk to Scott again. "I'm kind of dating someone."

Dad smiled. "That's my boy. Who is it?"

"Scott McCall."

His smile faded, replaced by anger. "You're gay?"

"Yes. You said you didn't—"

"Shut up!" he yelled, standing quickly. I jumped out of my chair. "You disgust me!"

"I'm not disgusting, Dad! I'm…I'm the same person!"

"Shut up!" He threw his beer bottle at me; I ducked and it crashed into the wall behind me. "Get out of my house!"

I stood there, breathing deeply.

"I said get out!"

I nodded and ran to get some of my things from my room. Then I texted Derek, a mutual friend of me and Scott who lived alone. He said I could crash at his place, so I did.


"Isaac!" Scott said, hurrying towards me at the game on Friday. I wasn't going to attend the game given my extenuating circumstances, but I needed to see him. I needed to tell him.

"Hi, Scott."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Playing lacrosse."

"No, I mean…" He bit his lip. "Didn't your dad kick you out?"

"Yeah. So?"

Scott frowned. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded, grabbing a stick and helmet. "Let's go, we'll be late otherwise."

"Isaac," he said, grabbing my arm, "just…stop for a second. Talk to me. Why'd you come?"

I took a deep breath. "I came because I love you. Too."

Scott's eyes flicked over my face, trying to find…something. I wasn't sure what his expression meant. But then the corners of his mouth lifted slightly and he stepped forward and kissed me. For the first time, I didn't care that we were surrounded by our teammates and the crowd; I didn't care that people knew about us. I could only focus on Scott, his lips, his hands, his everything. I loved him, and he loved me, and everything was right with the world.