Title: Bonds

A/N: Takes place after SE2 Finale and sequel to 'Family' published in October/November 2011

CHAPTER

The Boston PD Headquarters was equipped with a gym, if you could call it that. What was once a fraternal mainstay in the eighties now remained a forgotten collection of mismatched free-weights and machines. Even the painted BPD seal had long since chipped away from the floor of the deserted boxing ring. Only a few on the force still preferred its rusty tang atmosphere to the plasma screen and a/c-friendly gyms.

In a corner, under the flicker of a protesting fluorescent light was Detective Jane Rizzoli dancing around a bruised Everlast bag, using her knees, feet and fists to connect in regular bursts. Each exuding a self-satisfying pop each time she made contact. Sweat dripped down her back and soaked through her worn BPD sweatshirt and on to the floor.

Her body was in overdrive, shivering from the heat and cooling effect of her sweat. It was still morning and she was already buzzing.

Spring weather made it dicey when exercising outdoors, so the gym was a nice alternative and less crowded than a chain or the esplanade. Jane hated crowds.

Truth was the dank BPD gym had become the detective's hideaway since the Doyle incident.

That's what the rumor mill called it anyway. She smiled and punched. Well, it was more 'PC' than cluster fuck.

Jane jabbed away, and like clockwork, her memory flashed back to the warehouse and the night her life went to shit. She instinctively increased her assault on the bag, executing a flawless spinning kick followed by a right jab.

It had gone ass-backwards when Agent Dean drew his weapon. After that it was all blur and cop instinct. One minute shots were fired and the next, the careening form of Paddy Doyle and then two hate-filled eyes boring into her soul.

And those words.

Jane grunted at the adrenaline dump in the pit of her stomach and extended her punches, throwing her weight. The bag started to weave and Jane parried with it.

They'd come so far. After nearly two years of denial, they'd bravely, if not clumsily confessed their feelings for one another. Things were going well. Shit, things were fucking perfect. Only for it to vaporize in one bad call. A bad call from a 'good cop.'

Despite the mayor's praise, the pats on the back, she still went home alone that night and every night since. And since then, Jane had felt only one thing – loss.

Jane had only been back on duty a week before Cavanaugh told her she'd receive the Boston Police Medal of Honor for nailing Doyle. He'd suddenly called her into his office and shoved an embossed invitation into her hands, pointing at the 'black tie' dress code with a smirk.

'I was just doing my job, Sir. Please don't make me glam out—' but Jane was quickly cut off.

'Don't fight me on this, Rizzoli. You'll accept the damn thing - which is an honor by the way - from the Mayor. As much as I hate to get in a penguin suit, we have to do it. It's good PR.'

'All due respect sir, since when do you give a shit about PR? What if I don't want it?'

'Not an option.'

'Sir, all I want-'

Cavanaugh raised his voice. A lot. He rarely lowered it. So it put Jane off-balance when he got in her face and spoke at barely a whisper.

'Do you know how many of my people this bastard buried? How many good cops and their families his crew have put through hell? You forget yourself Rizzoli. This medal isn't just for you. It's a symbol. Boston needs to know this man is finished. His and our people need that closure. So you're going to accept the piece of tin and wear it proudly or I'll bust you down to traffic.'

Jane was almost deaf from the blood pounding in her ears. It took every fiber of her being to simply nod and leave his office, quickly grabbing her jacket and bursting out of the bullpen and onto the street. Headed who the hell knows where. She did a lot of that lately.

Two weeks later, Detective Jane Rizzoli accepted the highest decoration the Boston Police Department could bestow and managed to smile and shake hands in front the mayor, distinguished guests, her mother and brother Frankie. It was all a bit too familiar accept for one thing. One missing element. It was early days and the glaring gaping wound that was the absence of one Maura Isles was felt with every second of every waking minute of every hour of every day.

Being the soul focus of a crowd didn't help either. Breathing without Maura burned.

The smiles and speech were pitch perfect, but all a mask. The truth was Jane felt ashamed, disgusted at being honored for killing Maura's biological father. That detail had remained tactfully secret after the warehouse, despite the very public strained relationship between the homicide detective and chief medical examiner. Korsak and Frost had presented a united front and she didn't take lightly the risk they'd taken with their own careers. But it was Maura. It was non-negotiable.

Jane didn't remember accepting the decoration or giving her speech. All she remembered was the applause and hallucinating Maura's image in the back of the auditorium. The strongest memory from that night involved escaping to a back alley and throwing up her guts. She remembered gasping for air and feeling the bone chill of the November evening and feeling very, very alone. But somehow she'd managed to wipe off her tears, dig deep and return to the celebration.

A career high. A personal low.

Another kick and Jane pressed into the punching bag.

Jane had arrived at the hospital just as they'd pronounced Paddy Doyle DOA. She'd never made it down the hall and observed it all from twenty yards away. She's seen the surgeons inform Maura, Korsak and Frost. Maura's reaction, of wilting into Korsak's arms told her everything she needed to know and she didn't dare take one step further.

Jane's heart broke and for the first time ignored her instinct to rush to Maura's side. She stood dumbfounded, almost drunk and paralyzed with an absolute lack of knowing what to do next. She watched as Maura clutched Korsak's collar and he comforted her. Frost noticed Jane first and she quickly shook her head but not before he called her name.

Maura's head shot up and Jane felt her heart in her throat. Shit.

It all seemed to happen so quickly. One minute she was alone and the next she could hear the familiar click of one very expensive pair of heels on the linoleum floor. They were getting closer. Jane couldn't bring herself to make eye contact so simply stared at her feet. She cleared her throat, praying to God that she'd find the right words.

She didn't have to. The sting of Maura's hand across her face eliminated any opportunity for words. Frost and Korsak had moved in quickly, but Jane held up a hand in their direction, reeling against the wall, but still never looking at Maura. Her face was on fire from where Maura hit her.

Jane groaned and licked her lips, tasting blood. It was a new feeling. Sure, she'd taken many hits from perps but this was the first time in her life that someone she loved had struck her. She thought she heard Maura's breath hitch, but figured odds were it was her own. Her vision had become blurry and she instinctively looked toward the nearby exit. Her hearing started to go and she felt her knees nearly give out.

Escape.

'It's fine. I'm leaving.'

That was months ago.

Jane wondered if Maura still loved her.

The detective threw in one last jab but it glanced off the side, sending a teeth shattering pain through her wrist and up through her arm.

'God— Son of a bitch!'

Jane looked down at her wrapped hands and could see blood soaking through where her knuckles were.

She slowly unwrapped the boxing tape and flexed her wrist, sending another jolt up her arm.

'Shit.' She'd have to get that checked out. Normally, that required simply hitting the 'down' button on the precinct elevator but house calls with Maura were nonexistent these days. Besides, it was just a sprain. It hurt like hell, but not worth going down to the ER. She'd just suck it and see.

Jane checked her watch. 9 o'clock. She'd overdone it by an hour and was late.

'Really,' the detective said as she hefted her towel and lumbered out of the gym.