Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. Which is fine, because I don't think I could deal with crazed fans.

Welcome to my latest Naruto fic. It is the result of reading countless Naruto fics. If you are easily offended, this fic is not for you, as it will eventually reach the level of having mocked everyone.

This fic is rated T, for language and sexual themes in future chapters. You have been warned.


Hello! Whether you're a newbie or a veteran, in reading this, you've become a part of the Naruto fandom. Whether you follow the manga, watch the anime (dubbed or subbed), or download smexy yaoi doujinshi of Naruto and Sasuke, you are but one person who has been swept up in the megahit Naruto, a shonen series originally created by the honorable Kishimoto Masashi. Kishimoto-sensei's creation has sparked an entire sub-universe among the fandom. The aspect of it we will be exploring today, which is but a part, is fanfiction, or fanfics for short. If you are unaware of what this word means, please stop reading now.

For those of you still with us---whether you simply read fanfiction, or write it yourself, there are essential rules to bear in mind to maximize your enjoyment of the exciting world of Naruto fanfiction, and through it, of the Naruto fandom in general. Some of these rules support one another, and some contradict one another, but taken together, they can encompass nearly every fanfiction.

Rule 1: Make Sure You've Had Your Rabies Shots

In every fandom, there will be shippers who are as fun to deal with as rabid animals. Approach them with caution.

While venturing through the vast world of Naruto fanfiction, you may feel as though you've gotten caught in the real-life equivalent of Itachi's Tsukuyomi---being cornered by rabid shippers. Confused?

---Rabid Shipper: the n00b Pokemon; a predatory fan, it hunts those who do not agree with its ship. Its primary attacks are Internet trash talking and flaming.

Not all shippers reach the level of rabidity. However, if there are too many of these in one ship, it can reflect badly on the entire shipping community.

A Rabid Shipper can almost never be reasoned with. They are quite skilled at flaming, but at the same time, they are a toxic force. Their intensity can temporarily raise some of the Die-Hard Shippers to Rabid level while completely repulsing some Moderate ones.

For your convenience, here is a Shipping Scale:

~One-Ship Hater: This group of fans is generally mellow when it comes to shipping. However, there will be one or two ships that they absolutely and utterly despise with every miniscule microatom of hatred they have in their bodies.

~Neutral: They are willing to try most anything, and do not possess any outstanding preferences.

~Moderate: They do have preferences, being more willing to read some ships than others. However, they do sometimes venture outside their comfort zone and read other ships.

~Strongly Supportive: They have quite definitive preferences. By this stage, they have generally created "alpha ships" and "beta ships". The alphas are their absolutely favorite pairings. The betas are pairings that they don't like quite as much, but don't mind.

~Die-Hard: They have set alpha and beta ships. Generally, the alpha ship is the pairing they absolutely prefer the characters involved to be in. They like to see those characters shipped only with each other. As such, it can be extremely difficult to get them to read a fic where one of the alpha characters is in a different ship, no matter how well-written the story is. It might be possible to get them to read it if the fic is of a comedic or satirical nature, but if the romance is the center of the story, don't bother.

~Rabid: They share many characteristics with the Die-Hard. What makes them different is the intensity of their shipping and their attitude. If a Die-Hard sees a pairing they don't like, they probably won't bother with it because, well, they know they aren't going to like it. A reviewer for a fic who rants about how much he/she hates the pairing---especially if the pairing is explicitly stated from the start---is probably a Rabid. This could also be an extreme One-Ship Hater, however, so there are other criteria. Rabids also have a tendency to viciously attack anyone who could be remotely criticizing their shipping or a fic that it's in. It can be fun to rile them up, but beware---they bite.

*Note: Categories can overlap

A. Natural Habitat

Unfortunately, Rabids can appear almost anywhere. There are no known ways to reliably and consistently escape from them.

B. If You Encounter One

Contact with Rabids should be kept to a minimum, as they have the power to lower the impression of the quality of the Naruto fandom. It is inadvisable to encourage their behavior by provoking them or insulting them. Arguments against them, no matter how well-reasoned, are purposeless. That leads us into our next point for consideration.

C. Mistaking Your Shippers

A common error made with a novice Rabid Hunter is to mistakenly identify a Rabid. In some cases, a Hunter, in trying to root out a Rabid, will provoke a Die-Hard. The negative reaction of a Die-Hard can lead them to be wrongfully accused of being a Rabid. In order to lessen the chances of such a thing occurring, here are some things to consider:

1: Do not comment on a yaoi fic how much yaoi sucks. Don't do it to a het fic, either. You're just asking for it.

2: Do not trash a pairing, especially in a fic where it's explicitly stated that said pairing will be the alpha. Shippers, maybe even to Moderate level, will be disgusted and may even mistake you for a Rabid.

3: Typically, a Rabid's arguments will be simplistic, and you will think that they have been text messaging instead of writing an actual response. Just be careful. If you are too aggressive in your hunt for Rabids then sentiment could turn against you.

Final Word:

Just remember, Naruto fan, that Rabid Shippers are everywhere, and as you navigate the world of Naruto fanfiction, you are bound to encounter them. Where Naruto fans gather, Rabids can be found.


Hence, Rule 1 concludes. Rule 2 will deal with tropes involving characters themselves as opposed to the general fandom.

Thank you for your time, and hate on me, compliment me, give me recommendations for future chapters---whatever! Just tell me your opinion, even if it's just a 'Hey, nice weather today, eh?'