It was just another day with all the sick pathetic weaklings being wheeled back and forth, when Gregory House overheard a dying woman poorly singing his favorite song. Enraged by her insolent faggotry, House lit his face on fire, then swalled 487 Vicodin, allowing him to transform into Sexy Samurai Supreme. But his leg was still fat.

House summoned his cane from the dimension of succubi and used it to fire chunks of Australia at his patients. He flew into space and sliced the Earth in half with it, hungry for a planet split. It was then he realized he was Jewish, and his dick was rubbing against Jupiter. He laughed.

Lisa Cuddy throttled towards him with her breasts, which were laser rockets. She summoned her zanmato, Knife Party, from the void where Dr. Foreman's heart should be but never was. The might of Knife Party surged through Cuddy, causing her legs to become airplanes and her spleen to explode. She is now a vampire, and she has sexist thoughts.

Cuddy swung Knife Party at House, who deflected it with his cane. Chase caught both weapons and ate them, causing him to turn blue and smell of Hippocrates. He turned to crab meat as he was finally able to grasp the true meaning of art, a manly tear flooding his eye before it became ricotta cheese.

House's right fist combusted with the fury of a trillion scorned dragons as he punched it through Chase's skull, removing his brain for use as an offering to the goddess Fleppity. Fleppity hated brains, so she dowsed House in lymph. He laughed as his thighs imploded, turning him into a fuckdemon. House the fuckdemon chased after Cuddy, his 92 spiky, 7-foot 5-inch dongs raring for action. She laughed at him. How pitiful of a fucking male to think he could rape her. Cuddy bit all of his dongs off at once, relishing the splatter of blood which blasted off in her direction. She howled as consuming House's blood turned her into a super vampire. Her skin was replaced by chainsaws and her face became a wormhole, leading to a dimension where surgeons were faceless dragons and sexually assaulted their patients using roofies as anaesthesia. Cuddy chopped the universe in half with her name, then put the halves in sandwich bags. She was going to serve universewiches at her next meeting.

House pouted. "I hate universe! I want planet!" he stole a bag from Cuddy and removed a planet from its half of the universe. It was an inhabited world, a rock known as Ciphalis, which was once the richest place in the universe before dubstep killed all of its floral life. Only the lava mantises remain, a race of 25-legged, all-female cockroaches who give birth every 5 seconds and smell of dick warts no matter how much perfume they wear. House ate Ciphalis, putting the lava mantis race out of its fallen misery once and for all. He thought of Disneyland as Cuddy combusted, creating a new universe. House laughed.