Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Final Fantasy Characters. But Square Enix is amazing for owning such sexy pixels. . Lol
*This first chapter is in Cloud's Point of view. The Next chapter is chapter 1 in Zack's point of view! You will find that in italics I have a spectator point of view- 3rd person. I also have italics for flashbacks, but those will be separated...you'll notice it...you guys are smart ;D
Without You
Chapter One
-Cloud's Point of View-
Sometimes I wonder why I'm actually here. My body aches, I feel alone even with a roommate, the days run longer than my nights, I don't see the outside enough...what a life. The sun peaks through the single shade in my small, symmetrical room casting lines on the dull wall. Turning over in my stiff bed, I run my face across my pillow taking in the scent from a hard days work, another shower-less evening...I wonder what time it is...
"Cloud...Cloud, you up?"...No.
"Cloud get up, we're going to be late for training."...Nope.
My head smacks the bed as my pillow is whipped out from under my head, then thrown back at me. I place it back under my head and close my eyes again. I really don't want to get up. I just don't feel like myself today, or any other day for the past several months. Celebrating one birthday here has now made me Seventeen and I've been here, working for Shinra, for nine whole months now. I was moved in to this cell with Reno, my Turkish roommate. He's been here for ages longer than I have, but I think he's intentionally holding himself back from progressing further. He's laid back and normally a lot lazier than I feel right now. A yawn emerges and shivers spread through my body. My bed sinks and a body leans too close into my own.
"You're going to have a shower-less morning as well if you don't get up." I guess it's pretty apparent I haven't had one. Reno's long, red ponytail brushes my neck as he leans over to observe my pale exhausted face. My eyes bat away a few sleep tears as I yawn for a second time. I feel like I don't get nearly enough sleep as I should, but all infantrymen get the same treatment if they take the opportunity to do so.
"Yeah..."
"You're not much of a talker even after being cooped up with me for so long. I'm not that hard to get along with." A big, cheeky, annoying smile spreads across his face. This place isn't what I expected, how can he act so happy like that? This place is the next step up from a prison. I'm here on free will to be treated like a work animal.
"You're just really invasive in the morning...and every other waking moment of the day."
He squeaks with delight. "Well, I guess you better stop daydreaming to reduce being woken up all the time." A wink, a light slap on the cheek and he's darting to the door. "Just make sure you're up by eight!" Silence.
"7:49. Lovely." I throw the thin blanket off of my slender lower half.
Cold air consumes my body as I shift my legs to the floor and slowly make my way to an upright position. Heading in to the bathroom, I do my normal morning routine which doesn't consist of a shower today. While running my hands through my sleepy, messy blond hair I stare into the reflection. Even the mirror looks sad in this pasty bathroom. The walls are a washed out white, which take on a hue of the contents in the room. Cloud's lonely aura privately reflects the miserable life he should not be having, giving off a neutral aura to the public passerby's. A beautiful creature, trapped in his insecurities. I need a towel.. So I looked around the half unkept bathroom, and by no surprise- no clean towels. Reno's work shirt from the previous day dangles from the doorknob. I guess this will do, hope he doesn't mind. "Hah," I splashed some cool water on my face to wake myself up more and to refresh my eyes a little; then blot the drops away with the dirty shirt.
I exit the bathroom and scout my dresser for training clothing. Hopefully Reno doesn't decide to pop his head back in because scanning our key card only takes a second to unlock the door. With the night attire now resting on my bed, I replace the old with a new fabric and secure it with a belt. A shirt makes it's way over my head followed by straps being strapped and pads being padded. It's the same thing, every single day. I guess I'm not too bad looking, but I'm not really anyone's type if we go by that. My muscle density is probably in the negatives; I'm shorter than most; and significantly weaker than most by default. Shutting the door behind me, I make my way to another tedious day of training. The one thing that Cloud even has trouble denying is his porcelain face. A doll clone of a slender, pale beauty with a hint of pink when he blushes. The light sway his body has as he walks through the corridors, graceful. Or like the soft, straight blond tufts that drape in his face while masking two vibrant blue crystals. He definitely was easy on the eyes...and a glow about this boy's face, but the insecurities pull him under.
"Cloudy! You made it!" Reno slapped my back.
All I gave was a nod.
The Drill Instructors voice began shouting orders right at 8am. Physical Endurance training...just what I want to be doing today. An hour and a half of running should be easy by now...Then we do a half hour of some sort of cardio...then an hour of obstacle running... Three hours of training in the morning, three hours of weapon training in the afternoon. Simulator missions are after afternoon training twice a week. They like to make sure we're ready for battle when they pull us for missions. I sprint my way aside Reno working up a sweat 15 minutes into it. Across the training dome it looks like a new group is being toured through for new infantrymen. I remember when I was one of them, and I wish I wasn't. Now I'm just a bored infantryman trapped in my own head. I'm usually a middle runner. Rude and Reno can run a lot faster than me, but they prefer to remain at my pace just to keep me company while we run.
"Did you guys hear they might be letting women join SOLDIER?" Reno always has the scoop on news around here. He's a gossip God.
"I thought SOLDIER already had some women?" Rude questioned.
"If you mean Cloud, yeah I guess." They both laughed.
"Yeah, except I'm not a SOLDIER yet."
"No but really, I guess there's an underground, unofficial SOLDIER group that has women and they want to incorporate them and intertwine them with us!" Reno gave a side smile. Of course he likes that idea.
"I wonder where they'll sleep. Hah. How about with you, Rude?"
"I could use some extra cushion in my bed." He jokes back to Reno.
All I could really do was shake my head. We don't really have a whole lot of women around. I mean, you see them in the labs, or the cafeteria, or even working in the offices. Basically any job that doesn't so much require strength, you see women. They have their own floor with all their necessities and stuff on it. I highly doubt this place would ever truly be coed. I think we have about five minutes left...My legs burn.
"All right men, push ups!" Another order, in less time than I thought.
"Sir!" my squad returns.
"Looks like we got some newbies. They look fun to tease!" Red hair covers a smiling face.
"What would Cloud and I do... if you... moved onto new people to tease?" Rude breathes through each pushup.
A foot weighs down on Rude's back making him touch the ground with each pushup. "Touch all the way, tough guy." The Instructor pressured Reno's partner. I wish I could be close to someone like those two are. Mission partners. A best friend even. Reno and Rude are the closest friends that I have here. If I'm not alone, I'm with them- but I wouldn't called them best friends. They're a couple of characters but they get the job done.
"Pick up the pace Strife!" Unholy man, this is as fast as I can go...
"Sir!"
"Come on Strife, don't make me give you a reason to have to pick up the pace!" He screams to the side of my face. Focus on the turf... "Come on!"
"Sir, this is as fast as my body is letting me!" I sternly said with as much respect as possible. A foot pushes me off balance and holds me down at my side.
"I didn't ask you for an excuse. I asked you to get your scrawny ass to the pace it should be working at! Look here, men- this is weakness! If you want to be a SOLDIER you must obey and pick your ass up when you're told!" At least I get a breather out of looking like the most miserable person here. Reno passes me a glance, not a bad one but more of a sympathetic one.
"Get back up and run the obstacle. You're going to be the pace setter for your squad just so I can make sure you keep up!" In the shortened distance, the new squad is watching us men get whipped into shape. The part they don't see is what just happened to me and what happens to a lot of the weaker men. I'm seriously trying to be the best I can here and it's better than a majority...but they really don't care. They're not supposed to care.
"Look how excited their faces are." I motioned while climbing a rope wall.
"You're going to be even less excited if you don't stop getting distracted, Cloud!" Reno huffs up to me. He's right though. That instructor loves nagging me. I slid down the single rope on the other side and continued sprinting as fast as I could.
"Why do you have to be such a baby, Cloud?"
"I'm not a baby, Tifa...I just prefer keeping certain things to myself when I know it wouldn't matter if I said anything." She was my best friend...ever since I was a child.
"Why do you want to join Shinra? What will that prove? Nothing! Strength doesn't matter, Cloud...we love you just as you are. You don't need to prove anything to us!" Maybe she was right that I don't need to prove anything to them, but I feel like I need to prove it to myself. I want to feel alive, and strong. I want to be able to protect that pretty smile she often flashes. My mother, my other friends here in Nibelheim need me just as much as I need them...I want to be able to do SOMETHING.
"Tifa...I know you care but I want to be able to give back to the world for what it has given me. I owe that my all. Anything could happen..."
"You can't protect everyone forever, Cloud. You're only 18! You will be there for a majority of your life and then what? Return when you're older finding that you could have been here enjoying life like the rest of us?"
"I can enjoy my life there too. Stop acting like my life is over if I join Shinra."
"But it will be...and I won't have my best friend anymore..." Her face goes from serious to saddened. I know she wants me to stay...but it's really not her decision. I'll be fine there.
"Strife!" His unnerving voice brings my mind up to pace, but he's probably hoping that it picks me in general... up to pace.
"Sir!"
"How many times do you have to be told to get your sorry act together! Do I have to tell you one more time?" What is wrong with this guy? Seriously he has it bad for me!
"No!"
"No? NO, WHAT?" With that, his hand was on the back of my neck squeezing and bolting my upper half towards the ground in front of him. His hold is like a vice grip that could compress the strongest metal. It's all that Mako they stick 'em with.
"No, Sir!" Cracking, it's going to!
"I will snap your neck in the blink of an eye, do you hear me? You will addr-"
"Don't you think you're being a little harsh there, Sargent?" Another voice. There's so much pressure behind my face I probably look like I'm crying. His grip holds my neck still.
"You will not tell me how to do my job!"
"I will tell you how to treat our men if I see you're threatening to kill them. Your job is not to dispose of Shinra infantrymen." My head is pushed down further and all I can see are the black boots of another SOLDIER- probably a 1st class, judging by the color.
"He's not even strong enough to be the weakest person here!"
"If that is the case, he can be evaluated and sent home if he doesn't meet our standards anymore." I thought this guy was on my side...Fingers dig into my neck a little harder.
"You won't order me around forever, Fair." He let go and I dropped to my knees.
"Maybe not, but for now- you are 3rd class and I'm 1st. You do what I say regarding men training to become a SOLDIER." Fair? I swear I feel like I've heard that name...as long as he's not ordering abuse I guess I'm okay with it...
"You got lucky today, Strife." The 3rd walks back over to the squad who have now finished training for the morning.
"Someone help this kid up." I looked up at the 1st class from the ground as Reno opted to come help me. He has his back to me talking with another SOLDIER. He looks so much stronger than all of us, maybe even combined. The follow up soldier looks back at me.
"I'll see you men tomorrow! Be here and be on time!" We are instructed and released.
The raven-haired man and the other SOLDIER walked away without another word. Must be nice.
Reno rubs the back of my neck as I sit down with my tray of food in the cafeteria. Reno always was a jokester. Even in the darkest moment, he has a light airy presence. He loved picking on Cloud not only because he was an easy target and a good looking boy, but Cloud could really use the light of playfulness.
"Sore much?"
"Really sore..." He kept rubbing.
"You should probably stop rubbing my neck though. It might look weird."
"Hey man... it's your neck, not your a-"
"It does look a little weird. You look like you enjoy it more than Cloud does." Rude interrupted.
I guess these guys do give me something to laugh about once in a while. At least the food isn't all the bad here. It's actually pretty decent tasting when I don't skip out.
"You gonna eat that, Cloud?" Reno grabs the peach from my tray and takes a bite out of it.
"Of course not..."
"You really should eat more. You're too skinny, Blondie." My diet probably has something to do with my petite size. I'm just not hungry half the time. He takes another bite.
"Well, you do steal something off of my tray every day and you don't even finish what you have."
"It tastes better when pretty girls touch it." He winked.
"That's terrible..."
Rude remains quiet in his own little world when he eats lunch. But it's probably for the best. I really don't need two guys nagging me while I make myself eat. I miss home cooked meals. They just felt...homey and no one really stole my food, not that it really matters if they do.
"Hey guys, I'm gonna head up to my room before afternoon training." I need to chill out for the next hour and a half. My head is starting to pound and my neck cracks when I bend it around. I have until 1 to be alone and relaxed.
"Sounds good, can I pick at the rest of your food?" The redhead looks excited.
"Sure." I pushed through the doors and up the corridor to the elevator.
While standing there waiting for the elevator to reach my level two SOLDIERS approached, also looking to get on the elevator. I've seen one around, Kunsel I think his name is. He's helped in training. The other guy I'm not familiar with.
"Yeah Lux, I just got approved for it." Kunsel seemed pretty happy about something.
"Do you know what squad you'll be with?" the other man asks.
"Not yet, but I'll be finding out before 1."
Ah, he must be getting training duties. Well, he's a lot nicer than the "Sargent" who's been training us in the mornings. Hopefully they switch him in for my squad am duties...The elevator signaled for us to get in. They pushed to the SOLDIER floor, and I selected my much less elite floor and stepped to the back.
"You got pushed around today, huh?" The unfamiliar man said while looking straight ahead. Was he talking to me?
"Excuse me?" I didn't want to be rude for not answering...
"During your training. Kunsel here just got put on training duties because a bunch of 3rds are doing a horrendous job with the men. Power hungry or something." He adjusts his helmet.
"Yeah, we saw you getting it pretty rough while giving orientation to the newbies today. I sent Zack over to sort you out. Didn't want the new recruits to see that..." Kunsel paused, "I was given the option to go in for an Instructor, hopefully they put me on your squad, huh? Looks like you could use a break."
"Mhmm..." was all I could manage.
"Zack didn't look like his normal self while doing that. I didn't know he could get so serious."
"Lux, Zack just knows the time and place to be serious." They both nodded at each other. The elevator signaled again and I excused myself through them to exit.
"Better luck Strife next time Strife" Kunsel shouted. I've had him for afternoon training maybe twice. He was real good at what he does.
I made it to my room and scanned my pass to unlock the door. Walking by Reno's bed I pull his pillows and threw them onto my bed. I really cant be bothered to change...these sheets need washed anyway. I lay on the pile of pillows to give myself some more comfort. Closing my eyes, and my breathing slows...Just relax...
"You gonna be okay?" You can hear the smile is his soft voice.
"I don't know...I-I really hurt." I gave a whimper.
"Is it your neck? Back? Where's the pain?" He's so kind to me. No one should be this kind.
"My heart..."
"You're really not THAT sappy are you?" I wish I could see his face...
"I'm never sappy." He leans me forward, why can't I see him? A warmth entrances my body, against his chest.
"Hey, open your eyes." He begs.
"They are open."
"Open your eyes Cloudy." Your pet names are embarrassing...
"CLOUD! WAKE UP!" His voice was so painful!
"I'm awake..." What a weird dream...
"What happened man? Have you been asleep this whole time?" Reno's voice isn't the best voice to wake up to. That other voice...the kind voice...his voice. Him...? Why was I dreaming about...him? And why was I acting like that? That's not who I am. I'm not into men. But...but that feeling...it was so warm...
"I guess so, what time is it?"
"It's 8pm and thanks for soiling my pillows." Reno sulked.
"I'm dead..." The instructor is going to be so mad...
"Can I have them back or can I get in there with you?" What a creep.
"You're a creep." I try to sit up so he can snatch his pillows.
"Yeah well YOU missed training!" He throws the pillows back onto his bed and pats them into place.
"And that's why I said I'm dead..." Reno makes his way to the bathroom. The metal squeaks on and water begins to pour. He pops his naked torso out.
"You may not be, we got a new Instructor for weapon training." Well that sucks it wasn't for AM training...
"Kunsel?"
"Who?" So Kunsel wasn't selected to be our squad's trainer...
A/N: And that's it for the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Look out for Zack's point of view! It'll be the same story, but from his point of view, and the things he thinks about and does on his own time. bwahaha This is a fun one. Please review! This is my first fic :O
