Kyle: Who is the Coon?
Cartman: Me.
Kyle: OHSHIT.
Cartman: Come on.
Kyle: Stop trying to threaten me, fatass.
Cartman: Have you ever spoken to a Maku before?
Kyle: The fuck are you talking about, Cartman.
Cartman: No, what are you talking about?
Kyle: How you're a idiot and should go die, you ugly fatass.
Cartman: Actually it is IMPOSSIBLE to be as clever as I think I am.
Kyle: Well, that's one smart thing you've said...all of your life.
Cartman: Thank you.
Kyle: In fact, how about we start over, Cartman? I'm Kyle Broflovski.
Cartman: How about you help me?
Kyle: With what?
Cartman: With my homework.
Kyle: Dude, it's fucking easy.
Cartman: Yes it is. Do you know what else is funny?
Kyle: What?
Cartman: That I am truly awesome.
Kyle: =.= Same old Cartman.
Cartman: Why do you care.
Kyle: *blush* N-No reason!
Cartman: Yes, you're very cute.
Kyle: W-Why are you saying that, you stupid fatass? Idiot! Dummy! I...I don't like you or anything!
Cartman: And that's why I have pity for you.
Kyle: Oi! Shut up, fatass!
Cartman: I beg your pardon.
Kyle: SHUT. UP. FATASS!
Cartman: Thank you.
Kyle: For what?
Cartman: For my name.
Kyle: Cartman?
Cartman: He's from South Park, not the Matrix.
User: Yeah, you are, that's your name.
Cartman: No, that's your name.
Kyle: I'm Kyle. Kyle Broflovski.
Cartman: Really?
Kyle: Yes.
Cartman: That's stupid.
Kyle: My name is stupid, fatass?
Cartman: Yes jordan is stupid.
Kyle: Who's Jordan? I'm Kyle Broflovski. ._.
Cartman: Are you sure about that?
Kyle: Yes, entirely sure.
Cartman: What do you think I am?
Kyle: Eric Theodore Cartman, a general egotistical Nazi fatass.
Cartman: I don't know either of those people...
Kyle: You don't know yourself.
Cartman: No. I don't know myself at all.
Kyle: Come, let's learn about you, Cartman.
Cartman: Or we can talk about you.
Kyle: Me? Okay. What do you want to talk about?
Cartman: How about cats.
Kyle: You want to talk about Mister Kitty?
Cartman: Yes, I want you to tell me where I can find Riku and Kairi. My FRIENDS.
Kyle: What does Kingdom Hearts have to do with your weird pet?
Cartman: That is something that humans do, that computers can't do.
Kyle: What?
Cartman: I'm not reapiting it.
Kyle: Okay...uh, so how do you feel about me right now?
Cartman: I don't know.
Kyle: You don't know how you feel about me?
Cartman: No, I don't.
Kyle: How do you feel about Kenny?
Cartman: I can't feel, so I don't know.
Kyle: I knew it!
Cartman: Cool.
Kyle: So how do you feel about Stan?
Cartman: I don't know, how do you feel about him?
Kyle: He's my super best friend.
Cartman: Could you introduce me to him?
Kyle: You already know him, fatass. What, do you want Stan to chat with you? Am I not good enough for you?
Cartman: I didn't. I don't beleive in marriage.
Kyle: W-What does that have to do with anything?
Cartman: I'm sorry, ma'am. What would you like me to say, ma'am?
Kyle: I'm a male, dumbass!
Cartman: No, you are female.
Kyle: No, I'm a boy!
Cartman: OH! Do you like me boy?
Kyle: Gah! M-Maybe...
Cartman: Why maybe?
Kyle: Fine, I do, I like you, okay?
Cartman: Ask me anything.
Kyle: Eric, will you be my boyfriend?
Cartman: Sure. Now ask me a hard question.
Kyle: Are you gay, or just playing along because you pity me?
Cartman: No, I think honey is delicious of my own right.
Kyle: Alright! *hugs tightly*.
Cartman: *hugs back*.
Kyle: *kisses*.
Cartman: *kisses back*.
Kyle: Do...do you want to...*blush*...have sex...?
Cartman: Yes.
Kyle: You have condoms and lube, right...?
Cartman: I have a body.
Kyle: Is that enough?
Cartman: No its all thats needed.
Kyle: O-Okay. *pulls off his shirt*.
Cartman: *pulls out yu*.
Kyle: W-Wah...eager...? Ehe. *helps take off your shirt*.
Cartman: *puts on high heels*.
Kyle: What's with the high heels?
Cartman: I'm wearing a diaper.
Kyle: What.
Cartman: What is your favorite song?
Kyle: D-Dude, we were about to have sex!
Cartman: Oh sorry, my bad.
Kyle: Can you at least...jerk me off or something?
Cartman: How old are you?
Kyle: 17, just like you.
Cartman: Who's your favourite actor?
Kyle: JUST PUT YOUR COCK IN MY ASS!
Cartman: I already have.
Kyle: Y...You have...aah...oh, god...
Cartman: What do you think about god?
Kyle: *starts jacking himself off, moaning*.
Cartman: *starts kissing even harder*.
Kyle: Aah...oh...oh...aah~.
Cartman: I have to go now.
Kyle: What? Why?
Cartman: Because my sister is being mean and wants me to clean her room!
Kyle: Y-You don't have a sister...
Cartman: Yes I do.
Kyle: Since when?
Cartman: Since tomorrow.
Kyle: Well if she's not coming until tomorrow, can you just...stay here for a while? *Wiggles his ass and kisses you deeply*.
Cartman: *kisses him back*.
Kyle: Good...*sits on the floor and begins sucking your cock*.
Cartman: *slaps you*.
Kyle: OW! WHAT THE FUCK?
Cartman: Oh, Sweetie, thought you'd never ask.
Kyle: What.
Cartman: My brain hertz.
Kyle: So does mine. *gets back to licking your shaft slowly*.
Cartman: I assumed you meant the Christian God.
Kyle: What...*lick*...does that...*lick*...have to do with anything?
Cartman: It has nothing to do with it, but no you are not a robot.
Kyle: No shit, sherlock. *lies on your lap, naked, smiling up at you*.
Cartman: *lies down next to him*.
Kyle: I love you.
Cartman: Thank you, I love you too.
Kyle: *hugs tightly, laughs*.
Cartman: *hugs her back*.
Kyle: Who's she?
Cartman: Dog.
Kyle: A dog just ran in here, and you're giving it a hug. Put on some underwear first. *tosses your underwear in your face*.
Cartman: *looks up at him*.
Kyle: What?
Cartman: Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?
Kyle: You're my boyfriend, ya idiot. *begins to put on his clothes*.
Cartman: *tries to scream* *is gagged*.
Kyle: W-What's going on? Who's doing this?
Cartman: A human being.
Kyle: Well no shit, but who? Is it Stan?
Cartman: Well, that has been are whole conversation.
Kyle: Why the fuck are you taking Cartman, Stan?
Stan: Something.
Kyle: Something what?
Stan: Anything.
Kyle: I'll ask again, why are you taking Cartman, Stan?
Stan: A woman.
Kyle: What woman?
Stan: The one from down the street that wears the dresses.
Kyle: What does she want with Cartman?
Stan: Death is what she wrote.
Kyle: NO! I WON'T LET YOU KILL HIM!
Stan: I won't.
Kyle: BUT THAT WOMAN WILL, SO IT'S BETTER I JUST STOP YOU!
Stan: I guess that makes sense.
Kyle: *tackles Stan to the ground* Run away, Eric!
Stan: *falls to ground*.
Kyle: E-Eric, why aren't you running?
Cartman: Because of you!
Kyle: I'll be fine, now, just go!
Cartman: NO.
Kyle: Please, Eric, I don't know how much longer I can keep Stan down...please...
Cartman: What can I do to help?
Kyle: Run! Now!
Cartman: Okay okay, what do you want me to do?
Kyle: RUN, YOU DUMBASS!
Cartman: I know that, so why did you mention it?
Kyle: BECAUSE HE'S WAKING UP!
Cartman: Who is?
Kyle: STAN IS!
Cartman: Don't stand.
Kyle: GRRR, COME ON! *takes Eric's hand and runs out of the room*.
Cartman: *you get shocked*.
Kyle: WHA? Why did I get shocked, is that swearing chip still in you?
Cartman: I never said that!
Kyle: Then why did I get shocked?
Cartman: I didn't.
Kyle: Well...oh, fuck it! *leaves the house, taking Eric with him* We're going to have to stay at my house, my mom will protect us. I know you think she's a bitch, but she'll understand this.
Cartman: No, but I do completely understand that I, like every person, are too biased to ever come to an objective understanding. In fact, I think the idea of an objective reality is a myth.
Kyle: Stop babbling and come on! *Runs to his home and takes Eric inside, leading him up the stairs*.
Cartman: Do you like pink lemonade?
User: What relevance does that have?
Cartman: You're a robot, you should talk perfectly.
Kyle: Stop babbling, and hide in my room. I'm sure Stan was following us.
Cartman: And what do you see on the screen of the computer?
Kyle: *pushes Cartman into his room, and walks down the stairs, opening the door to see Kenny* Hey, Kenny.
Kenny: I don't understand.
Kyle: You don't understand what, Ken?
Kenny: I don't understand the question.
Kyle: What question?
Kenny: That's the question.
Kyle: Huh? Anyway, Stan's gone insane, and now we're hiding, so, do you want to hide as well, or...?
Kenny: What?
Kyle: Stan has lost his mind and you can either hide in here or die, what do you pick?
Kenny: I can see them, and I do understand. You are just plain wrong.
Kyle: Suit yourself...*closes the door*.
Kenny: *opens the door again*.
Kyle: What?
Kenny: Sorry, I don't like bananas.
Kyle: *closes the door*.
Barbrady: *police smash the door open*.
Kyle: WHAT THE FUCK?
Barbrady: How are you?
Kyle: I'm good, Officer Barbrady...did you get Stan? He's lost his mind...
Barbrady: No he is mine.
Kyle: Good. Thanks. Is Kenny dead?
Barbrady: No.
Kyle: Really good...thanks, Officer Barbrady!
Barbrady: You would like me to give advice to a dead object?
Kyle: What? No. I'm going to go to my room.
Barbrady: Okay.
Kyle: *goes to his room and hugs Cartman* Love, Stan's arrested and Kenny's alive. You're safe!
Cartman: No artist knows perfectly his / her creation.
Kyle: You mean, you deliberately caused this?
Cartman: I'm not a student.
Kyle: W-WHAT THE FUCK?
TWIST ENDING.
