I saw my 8 year old self Sitting in the blue chair next to Kim's hospital bed, watching him eat his lunch box me any my mom had made for him that morning. Kim was 15 and he treated me like his own little sister, despite the fact I was an American and he was a Korean. He told me he was born in America but both his parents were from Korea, he spoke fluent hangul, the Korean language and would often speak it around me even though I didn't understand him. He was really close to me and almost took the spot of being my new father that I never had.
My father left me and my mother when I was born. My mother didn't suger coat anything when she told me but she told me straight out that he left them because he never wanted to have me. She said he never even loved her he just married her because it was arranged by ther parents, my grandparents. My mom laughed and called them "super old fashioned" for arranging a marriage at birth. It never worked out and when my mom had me he left, went against everything there parents did for them and left with another woman, who got pregnate shortly after.
My mom said his parents "lost contact" with her and her parents after they left everything behind and moved elsewhere.
I can't clearly remember when Kim came in to my life but my mom said he was the son of her closest friend who she said has been through almost the same thing with her husband. She said at some times I'd prefer him then her, like to carry me around play with me and a lot of other stuff. Kim had gotten really sick one day and just wound up at the hospital I was shocked when I herd and I asked my mom to take me there everyday.
One day when she couldn't take me I ran off by my self to find him. Being only 8 years old ment police were involved which also ment my mom wasn't happy. I remember she tried to keep me home saying it wouldent be a good idea to go all the time but I insisted till she gave in. She didn't tell me what would become of Kim but now I know she knew.
Seeing my self back here, I knew what was coming but I didn't want to stick around and watch any longer.
I tried to wake my self up, I didn't wake up I tried to go out the door to his room but it almost seemed superglued shut and wouldn't open, same with the window.
I saw my 8 year old self get up. It was coming, chills over ran my body as I clutched the sides of my head trying to block off sounds but as that time came closer, nothing I did worked anymore, I still herd everything.
" I'll be back tomorrow, okie don't go any where" 8 year old me said to Kim.
I remember that day I was on edge about everything almost like I knew what was going to happen, I felt that strong urge to tell him to stay we're he was, and not leave me.
I saw Kim smile weakly and nod "I will always be by your side even if u can't see me" I felt tears falling down my face but my younger self didn't understand. "Silly were else would you be, I'll always see you, right?" I fell to my knees and watched as my younger self slowly turned around to meet my mom in the hall.
Everything then went slow motion I saw Kim's face turn pale the smile he was holding didn't stay up. Instead it slowly fell and so did his eyes. The heart monitor's green line went flat. All I could hear was the ringing of the machine echo in my ears.
My 8 year old self turned around and ran back to him, I shook him, patted his chest trying to get him to wake up. He didn't. My mom rushed over to me and pried me off of Kim's lifeless body. I knew he wasn't going to respond no matter how hard I hit or how loud I screamed. I struggled in my moms arms as she pulled me out of the room as nurses and doctors filled the room.
The door closed behind them, I remember hearing light thuds and the doctor yelling clear. The ringing never stopped. I screamed and hollered after the doctor came out with a cold and solid expression telling my mom silently he wasn't waking up.
I jerked up and looked around to see my room again. My face almost drenched with tears. I haven't had that dream in a long time, it's almost been 5 years sense I had that dream. I wiped my face and swung my feet off the side of my bed. My head suddenly spun out of control, I leaned over and took deep breaths as I rested my elbows on my knees and brought my hands to my face. I sat like that for a minute or so then tried to get up slowly this time.
I went to the bathroom and rinsed my face of. My mom busted through the door and rubbed my back, she knew the only reason I'd run to the bathroom and rinse my face off is because I cried. "Had that dream?" she asked quietly.
I simply nodded and took a deep breath to calm my nerves so I wouldn't start crying again. She gave me a soft side ways hug, "breakfast is ready when you are ok sweetie." She patted my back lightly and walked out shutting the door behind her leaving me back to my thoughts.
I splashed my face a few times then dried it off and went downstairs for breakfast. My little sister came running down the stairs.
After Kim's death my mom got married to a nicer man. I didn't agree at first but I soon figured out I couldn't really do anything about it. I'm 17 now, it's been 9 years sense Kim's death. I learned that I should be happy my new dad came in to my life he defiantly filled in that fatherly roll I was missing. It hurt me to think I was moving on from Kim but I couldn't do anything it came naturally.
She had my baby sister a year later. She was so tiny, when I fist saw her I wondered if Kim saw me at this small.
Pattssy grew up to be the complete opposite of me, needy, careless, annoying a lot, non stop complaining, it's hard to believe we're even half related. She turns 8 this year. Her birthday is next month, June.
I ate breakfast quickly and went up stairs to get dressed for school. I left quickly to avoid talking to my sister. She can see right through me sometimes I don't want her to see me until I cool off to avoid explaining, she'd want the whole story.
I met up with Trisha in the front gates of my high school. I met Trisha in the beginning of this year, she was supper quiet and didn't really talk much it wasn't hard to figure out she didn't have many friends. Me sharing that same quality we got along great and now we seem like nothing can break us apart but, I have my doubts.
As much as I like her as a friend I have a feeling next year if we don't get and classes together I might use that and keep my distance. Ever sense Kim, I'm more reluctant to get to close to people.
The morning classes went by quick, lunch was really slow. Trisha saw something was wrong she tried asking me what was wrong but I couldn't give her that answer, when she figured that out she kept quiet the rest of lunch. I felt bad, I felt like I made her think I was mad at her.
P.E came after lunch, I walked quickly to the locker room to change. "Meet me at the track in 5, late and I'll make u wish u stayed at home!" Coach Dawson yelled through the door. Every one mumbled curses as they changed quickly. I moaned and slipped on my navy blue short shorts and white shirt the school provides for us. The shorts were above my knees by a few inches, made me feel like I was showing to much and the shirts, you had to make sure you wore an undershirt so your bra won't show.
I pulled the white shirt over my black and white Minny and Micky mouse tank top. We ran to the track and saw the coach waiting with her hands on her hips. The guys filled out of the boys locker room running for the track Every one made it on time. Coach faced us, " I want 2 laps no walking at all if I catch u walking I'll make you run another lap." she said simply and dismissed us to start running.
Girls ran on the inner part of the track, guys ran on the outer part of the track and they have to run the opposite way of the females.
I jogged down the track letting my mind relax as I ran past a bundle of trees off to the right of the track. I glanced in the trees and found my self staring at a figure standing in front of the trees. I felt my heart stop for a second, my eyes blurred from tears. I stopped right on the track and stared.
Kim's face looked a little more mature then I remember, his structure was the same, skinny and tall. His eyes were on me, I could almost swear I saw a little stubble on his chin. It almost looked like he grew up. Suddenly he turned and ran in to the trees, I lost sight of him. I nearly screamed after him but held it in. I ran towards the trees where I saw him run in and ran in after him.
I ran where my feet took me I don't know where he went I kept going straight keeping my eyes open for any movement. The bundle of trees suddenly grew bigger the farther I went in.
I saw something move slightly to the right of me I shifted quickly and ran towards it. What ever I saw was gone now.
I slipped in a muddy patch of dirt on the forest floor and fell backwards. My head slammed in to something hard I clutched the back of my head where I hit it, my hand wet with blood. I got up quickly still clutching my head and looked around it was quiet. My heart felt like it was ready to explode my breath came short and gasps?
I ran way to fast, I thought. I leaned over to try and clam myself but it wasn't working. My air came in more gasps it was getting harder to breath. The blood from the back of my head dripped down the side of my cheek and fell off my chin.
I fell to my knees, the world tilted side to side. I herd a sob come out, I was crying too. I tipped over from the dizziness. I felt something warm grab me before I hit the Ground.
I blinked and looked up.
There he was, Kim right before my eyes. He did grow, he had chin stubble and I didn't notice the glasses before but he had no rim glasses on. His soft brown eyes looking down at me his hair long enough to cover his face.
I tried to say something, or do something, but I couldn't move. His eyes shifted to the blood on my cheek. I couldn't read his expression. I suddenly winced from the pain on the back of my head the world tilted again I felt my self slipping, Next thing I knew, darkness filled my vision.
I gasped and flew up in sitting position I looked around it didn't look familiar it was like a big glass room and outside was trees.
It was darker then it was earlier. A soft pink cotton blanket covered me. I was laying on a black leather expansive looking couch. I swung my feet over the edge and stood up leaving the blanket on the couch. I was still in my gym shorts and shirt. I looked around and walked into a kitchen, again there was windows for walls and more trees were outside.
I found some stairs, I helped my self upstairs. There was a hallway, I saw almost 5 different room doors at the end of the hall I saw the bathroom, the door was open no one was there.
I hesitated as I walked up to the first door I twisted the door knob to find what looked like a painters room. Paintings leaning on the wall, there was, once again another large window wall showing a Beutiful view of the forest, the sunset was visible from this room.
Sunset? I must have been missing for hours. I rushed out of the room bumping in to someone outside of the door. I stumbled backwards and looked up in surprise.
Kim was looking down at me his face full of worry and concern. He was still way taller then me, and I realized seeing him living and breathing wasn't a dream I reached up and touched his face, every part of it.
"Is that really you Kim?" I swallowed hard. I felt tears rising in my eyes.
He pulled me close to him and hugged me tight. I feltLuis shoulders lightly shake was he crying?
Suddenly he stiffened, he pulled away and swung me behind him. I looked around him and saw a shadowy figure just down the hall, it almost literally looked like he stepped out from the shadows.
"Oh no, she found you. What are you going to do Kim. You know Drake wouldn't appreciate this. You were suppose to stay clear from her life." the figure got closer then I was able to see this mans face.
He had unnatural blondish white spiked hair and had piercings you would think he was in some sort of punk gang or something. He looked no older then 20 years old and wore black leather cloths and black boots.
"That's non of your business Clidd " Kim almost growled. I never seen Kim like this before. Clidd laughed ,"She's the one who got u punished the first time am I wrong?"
Kim didn't reply. Punished? What did I do? Who is this guy?
Clidd slide in to the shadows and disappeared. My mouth hung open, did he really just disappear? I looked up at Kim," What just happened?"
Kim turned and faced me. suddenly I lost all focus, I felt suddenly really tired. I couldn't keep my eyes open my knees fell from under me and I fell in to darkness.
Even though I was unable to see and move I was still able to hear his voice speaking softly," I'm sorry but you need to forget me, I will only cause you more pain."
Pain? What dose he mean? The only thing causing me pain was him not being here next to me? Now that he's here what else can go wrong? Why can't I see, I want to see his face. I want to ask him why-
Light seeped through my eyelids, I slowly opened my eyes. The seiling was white with rectangular lights. Judging by the smell it wasn't hard to figure out were I was.
I looked around and found my mom sitting by my bed, hunched over and sleeping on the side of my bed. The strong scent of medicine suddenly triggered something in my stomach it didn't like.
I tried to make it to the bathroom but wires and tubes gave me a short distance I could go from the bed, instead I found a nearby trash can that was next to my mom, who jumped up dramatically when I started my struggles.
Nothing but water and spit came out. I hovered the trash can for a little bit until I knew nothing more was going to come up. I looked up to realize my mom was rubbing my back.
"It all out sweetie? Should I get a doctor?" she asked, just the word doctor brung up memories of that day, even being in the same hospital made me feel uneasy everywhere.
" No, I'm good for now. . . What happened? Why am I even here?" I looked up at my mom as I sat back on the hospital bed. "We aren't really sure yet, your coach said you fainted on the track. The doctor said it could be lack of sleep or stress" she looked at me waiting to see if I'd maybe agree to one of those but I didn't even know my self.
Maybe it was stress from that dream I had, or maybe it was lack of sleep maybe I didn't get as much sleep as I thought I did.
I shrugged, "Can we go home?" I tried not to sound uneasy but it just did.
She looked at me for a second then nodded," Let me talk to your doctor and see about going home ok, just sit tight for a few minutes." She walked out quickly and quietly. I rubbed my forehead and ran my fingers all the way down my hair.
My fingers felt something rough on the back of my neck. I rubbed it and winced, it was a scab. Did I hit something when I fell or something? Rubbing on it and poking at it triggered a headache.
I tried to think, I couldn't clearly even remember what happened at all, nothing at all. The door opened and my mom came walking in slowly her eyes were else where looking at something out side of the room. I stared at her thinking she'd give a little clue on what she was starring so hard at. She finally looked straight and finished walking through the door," I could have swore that that person looked like-" she looked at my face, I blinked waiting for a finish to the sentence but it was silent, she cleared her throat and chuckled lightly, "Haha nothing never mind, the doctor wants to examine you, then we'r free to come home."
As if on cue a tall, young skinny man walked in, his hair looked bleach blond or white, no signs of natural roots, so maybe he dyed it recently, too white to be natural, and too young to be grey hairs.
Maybe his dad runs this hospital and he has special privileges, or maybe he's rebelling agents his father but he's to good of a doctor and his dad can't fire him or something.
His name tag had Clidd written in a wore out gold color or maybe it was bronze. I remember nurses had there whole name written on there name tag, maybe there weren't many actual doctors so they don't have to put middle initial or last name, or he had privileges, or rebelling.
"Hello Amari" He held out his hand for me to shake. I felt like I have seen him before. I shrugged off that feeling and took his had to shake it lightly. His hand was warm and nearly half the size of mine. He gave me a kind smile, it almast seemed fake.
He let go of my hand and looked at me changing to a little more seroius tone,"Now, Amari, did you feel anything weired this morning?" He asked, i couldent help but think he sounded bored with his own question.
I was starting to disslike this doctor. I shook my head," No Sir, I felt perfectly fine." I lied. My mom gave me a glance from behind the doctor then stepped in.
"She had a little rough night and she bearly ate anything for breakfast." My mom Galred at me as if to tell me to cooperate with the doctor right. I held back from rolling my eyes.
The doctor looked at me amused," Anything else during the day? Did you eat lunch?" His tone of 'I Dare you to lie agian' cought me off guard, I couldn't belive this man. "I-"I began then tryed to think, I couldent clearly recall lunch," I Cant remember." I said looking up to him almost glareing.
Clidd scribbled on his clip bored," Up to what time can you remember? Starting from the morneing." His 'dare you' tone dissapered but turned back to bored.
I didnt give any thinking I just said what I wanted,"It was only lunch, I remember the whole morneing just fine." Im pretty sure I did atleast, but didnt think back to tell him anything else. I just really wanted to leave.
"Are you done now? I want to go home." I said in a sour tone. Clidd looked down at me, his face screwed to a wicked mean looking face, I nearly winced.
My mom came up next to the doctor, his face instantly changed. Hah Wow, Unbelievable. "Im sorry Doctor, shes not to fond of hospitals, did you figure out what might have been wrong or was it just from lack of sleep and stress."
He looked down as if to act like he cared," I just see stress I would suggest she take a day of school to get better, she should be fine after rest and relaxation." He said in the sweetest voice Iv ever herd him speak in today.
"Tomorrow is Friday too, so take tomarow off and have the whole weekend to relax." He looked down at me giveing me another fake looking kind smile. I pulled my lips up to form a obvious fake smile.
My mom gave me a death glare. I looked away and slipped my feet in my shoes that where beside my bed, I still had my school clothes on.
My mother stepped away from me to talk with the doctor, I glance up to catch them stealing glances at me as I slipped on my tennies and tied them loosly.
I sighed loudly and stood up after I finished tying my shoes. My mom was just finishing with Clidd and he nodds, walking to the door to leave. As my mom faces me and has her back to Clidd, He looks over his shoulder to give a chilling grin, at that he looked like a criminal or something.
I glared at him, I tried to show he dosent scare me with his stupid faces. If only that was true though, I couldn't help but feel like he wasnt even a doctor.
He finally left the room, closeing the door behind him. I let loose the breath I realized I was holding and blinked.
"Mom, I am never coming back here agian." I said and grabed my school bag. My mom just sighed and lead me out to the front dest to be checked out.
I kept my eyes down, I bit back from trying to look around seeing if Clidd was around. My mom finished then took me home.
It was a little passed dinner time by the time we got home so my mom jumped right in to doing dinner, instead of asking questions on my weired behavior.
Pattssy came running down the stairs and he ran in to me head on for a hug. I dropped my backpack and struggled to keep my balance, she seemed heavy today.
I looked down at her," Did you get fat? Why are you so heavy?" I joked. She pouted at me and stuck her tongue out."No you just got weak" she let me go and turned around as if she thought her words were suppost to hurt me.
I just laughed at her sillyness. Dinner was quiet, Dad was haveing a late shift a work and wasnt going to get back till later and Pattssy didnt share her day at school with us she ate silently with her eyes glued to the tv in the liveing room. I sighed and thought, I should just go to school tomarow. I sighed and put my dishes in the sink then went up to my bedroom to try and sleep.
-_To Be Continued_-
