A/N: Going to use some modern language here, so giving you a fair warning. I'm writing this because I got inspired by reading this other Spring Awakening story and I loved the story. Don't criticize me for my lack of sentence structure. I'm so freakin' inexperienced and I like to be creative with writing and nothing else. Part of the credit to Arquette for helping me giving ideas. And I'm sorry if the stories are similar. But, please enjoy this story.
Chapter 1
It was cloudy. Rain was about to come down to the country and people were already preparing to find way to keep dry and have the children getting away from getting the cold. People were walking home as the rain was going to come down. One person who ignored all of this was Moritz. He didn't want to go home at all. He felt like there was no place to call his sanctuary, his place where he can just relax and be himself. As the rain fell, Moritz walked through the town, looking down at the mud and his shoes. He kept thinking to himself, "why am I here? Is there a point for me to live anymore?" He was walking, aimlessly, until he heard a familiar voice shout out, "Moritz! Get inside! You're going to get sick!" It was Melchior. Moritz didn't want to turn his head and see his face. It looked like Moritz was afraid of something or feeling ashamed. He ignored Melchior to go in and tried to walk away. But Melchior, ran outside and said, "Moritz, wait," stopping Moritz's path to nowhere. Moritz kept silent and continued to look down. "Listen to me, you need to come inside." Moritz was still feeling gloomy, but slowly agreed to come inside.
They went to Melchior's room, Moritz sat down on his bed, and Melchior sat in his chair by his desk. Melchior looked at Moritz as if there was something wrong. Not like the way when he would usually see him sad. No, this was different. He tried to say something, but his mouth decided to blurb out, "Is there anything wrong, Moritz?" Moritz was staring at Melchior's journal, like in a distracting way. Moritz then replied, "That book, it's not Gunta, isn't it?" Melchior was confused but realized, he was talking about his journal. He was tried to figure out what his friend was trying to say. Did he really want to know about Melchior and his beliefs? Did he want to know about anything that's in his mind? He thought this in his mind, thinking if he tells any of his passages; it could damage his friendship with Moritz. He plainly replied, "No. It is not." Moritz asked, "Then what is it?" Melchior tried to say this in a humorous way, "You don't want to know." He chuckled, but then realized, his friend was actually serious. He came out and spoke the truth, "It's a journal. I use it so I can tell what I think."
"What do you mean?" Moritz asked confusedly.
"Never mind," Melchior said. He was kind of frustrated on his friend attitude. Why he is so damn depressed and why does it look like it might be the lowest point of his life? So he asked again, "is anything okay?" Moritz was still looking at his journal trying to find out what thoughts are in his mind. He was gazing at the notebook and looked at the window. He stood up, approached the window, and watched the raindrops fall. As he was looking out the window he replied, "I'm fine." Melchior knew he was lying. He could tell by his body language. Slumped shoulders, head down, droopy eyes, a mouth that doesn't have the urge to smile, and retaining one emotion all the time. Melchior stood up and walked to the window, trying to find out what's really wrong with his friend that he cares about. "Moritz, you're lying. I can see it. Now, tell me the truth, what is wrong?" Moritz was looking straight at Melchior and then suddenly tears came out of his eyes. Moritz was crying and Melchior was comforting him.
"Melchi, something has gone terribly wrong. It turns out that Fraulein and Herr Sonnenstich aren't allowing me back at school. I've failed, Melchi. I've failed." He was crying and then Melchior was hugging him to comfort him and stop the tears. He knew that he wasn't saying entirely enough. There was one thing that was wrong. Melchior then asked, "Does your family know about this?" Then Moritz cried even bad, but tried to keep it together to tell him what happened. He said, "My father does. I told him. He told me that I was a failure and a disgrace to the family. Then he hit me both with his hands and his belt." He cried again and then recognized the newly formed bruises on the back of his arms.
"I don't want to go home, Melchi. Not with my father around. Wonder what if he would do if I came into the home and he saw me." Melchior was coming up with some kind of plan to keep him safe from his father. Melchior knew all about his father. How much when he drinks he ends up beating up his son even when he sobers up, how much he strives for perfection in his family, and tells his family that he cannot condone with failures in his home. He hated his father. He came up with an idea and told him, "Stay here, tonight and your family won't know. Your father probably doesn't want you there anyway. It will be fine here and you'll be safe for tonight." Moritz agreed and then continued to look at the raindrops outside the window. Melchior was going to the dining room to get him and Moritz some food and then he heard, "Thank you, Melchi." From his friend.
At night, Melchior was with his father and mother talking about Moritz while he was sleeping in Melchior's room. Melchior was arguing about his friend's father on how he keeps on mistreating him and abusing him. But the parents were just being parents and said, "He's doing his job as a father." Melchior was shocked. Did he come to wonder that being a father meant hitting and intimidating your own children? He definitely disagreed with that. His parents didn't do one bit of what Moritz's father does. Then he complained on how why his parents are strict on him and his parents said, "All parents have different perspectives on how to raise their child." Melchior then stormed off out of the dining hall really frustrated and angry. Then as he went to his room, he was surprised. The window was open, a candle was lit, Melchior's journal was open, and most importantly, Moritz was gone. He was trying to look for him inside of the home but then came across his journal with a passage that he did not write.
To my friend Melchior,
I write to you about what has happened today. I already feel like you have done enough for me and I know when it's enough. But I have a confession. During classes, I fantasize about being with other boys. And now with thinking of these fantasies, I think our friendship should cease to exist. I wanted to find another way but there is none. With time that will help me realize a solution,
Moritz Stiefel
It was a letter from Moritz. Melchior was reading this and felt absolutely heartbroken. Did his friend abandon not only the house leaving him alone and depressed still, but also abandon his friendship? Melchior felt useless and depressed like the way his friend felt most of his life. He wanted to do something to help him because he finally knew what was wrong, what his friend craved for than anything his life. Acceptance.
At school, it was absolute torture for Moritz. He knew that he wouldn't be able to come back, so he had his spirit to try taken away. He slept through most of his classes and the teachers didn't even bother yelling at him. His classmates didn't know why he was acting like this. Otto asked, "Moritz, wake up. Herr Sonnenstich is going to be mad if you don't know the next 5 lines. He's already on your rear for forgetting the lines yesterday." Moritz apparently ignored Otto's words and just listened to what his classmates were saying when it was their turn to say their lines of Virgil. Then, the teacher called his name. He reluctantly stood up and fumbled with his part of the lines. The teacher yelled at him for forgetting and then hit him with a switch. Right after he got hit by the teacher, the bell rang. It was the final period. Moritz packed his stuff and then heard someone's voice, "Moritz, wait for me." Melchior said it. Moritz ignored him and tried to get out of the room first. He got out, with Melchior trying getting Moritz to talk to him. Moritz noticed that his friend was trying to talk to him, but he ignored him and got out of the south end of the school, where the forest was.
Moritz was entering the woods, trying to lose Melchior from his path. But, Melchior went into the woods and yelled, "Moritz? Where are you!? I really need to talk to you!" Silence. Moritz was hiding behind a tree right behind where Melchior was standing. "Fine. If you're not here, I'm going to say it anyway. Listen to me, Moritz, I think you're a good person, with just a sad soul. I don't think you're weird or unusual at all. I don't look at you that way. I think you're a normal person." Then Melchior heard a crack of a branch. He looked behind him and saw Moritz behind a tree.
"What are you doing there?" Melchior asked.
"Hiding." Moritz replied. He was feeling better. If he thought that he would hear the worst from his friend. Instead, he heard what he wished to hear from at least someone. "You're a good friend, Melchi. Thank you." They were getting out of the woods, talking.
"Why were you thinking that our friendship was going to end? Only for your preferences? You're thinking way too much."
"You don't know, Melchi. I-I'm really confused here. I-I mean there's a lot of things in my life that I do not know about and want to learn about." He revealed the essay Melchior wrote. "Remember this? This is the paper that changed my life forever."
"Changed your life?" He grabbed the essay in frustration and anger clenching his hand without the essay into a fist, "does this mean that this was the reason that you're depressed and sad all the time? Was it this that made you who you are right now? With a family that shunned you, teachers who hate you, and friends that can't understand your internal feelings?" He assumed this and out of spite and anger, he ripped the essay and ate bits and pieces of it. He fell down on his knees and cried. He thought that it was his fault for changing his life. He thought that his intentions were only to help him, not to hurt him. He thought that by writing the essay would just give him the understanding of the human anatomy.
Moritz was witnessing this. For once, he saw this person, who was strong on the inside and the outside, become vulnerable and show his emotions no longer in his journal but now in public. For once, the roles have switched. Moritz wanted to help Melchior get a hold of himself. He, being instead of depressed and gloomy, became caring and postitive for other people. He went down on his knees trying to talk to his friend. For once in his life, he was going to help someone.
"Hey, Melchi. It's okay. You don't have to be like this." He felt a little bit uncomfortable trying to talk to Melchior since he has never gave advice to his friend who used to give him advice. "Listen, Melchi," he went a little bit closer to Melchior if he was actually listening, "that essay wasn't the only reason that changed my life forever. It gave me an understanding on how it works. I-I mean, the essay didn't only hinder me, but it gave me a bigger realization on the way how it happens. The way how when you love someone, you can finally give in and let heaven get the best over you. What I'm trying to say, is that, I want to thank you."
Melchior, whose head was on ground, was now looking at Moritz. Tears were still coming from his eyes and his eyes were red. He thought he ruined his life. But now, he realized that his actions both helped and hurt (slightly) him. Some of his face was covered in dirt and Moritz wiped some of it off with his jacket.
"You got some mud on your face. Better wipe that off before your Mama gets mad." They laughed. Melchior finally saw a smile from Moritz even though part of his face was still muddy. "And why are you crying? It's not your fault, remember that." He wiped the remainder of the mud on one of his sleeves, then wiped Melchior's tears on the other. For once in their lives, they thought that the stress in their lives was gone for that day. They realized that part of their lives have become part of each other.
"Look at this," Melchior said. He revealed his journal. "This book has documented all my feelings and my thoughts, and you were right. It isn't Gunta. It's something better. So, I believe right now, that you should have it." He handed the journal.
"B-but Melchi, I-I can't. It's too much. I don't think that I'm worthy enough to have that. I mean, that book is almost like the Bible. It contains messages and feelings that no man has ever understood, and when people read it, they can't understand it."
"But we can." Melchior was trying to urge Moritz to take it. Moritz took a look at it and then reluctantly took the journal. He opened the journal, flipped through some of his pages, and then came across his passage. He looked at it, and then looked at Melchior. Melchior nodded, and then Moritz nodded. He closed the journal with a smile on his face. Melchior smiled too. Then they hugged both of them felt a sigh of relief. They released from the hug, and then walked out of the woods, walking together to go to Melchior house to talk. They thought that their friendship was deteriorating, but then it came out even stronger than ever.
